My parents did not drink or abuse any substances. They just were both emotionally deprived and emotionally abandoned as children and didn't know how to parent us. Alcoholism is a disease of lost self-hood, as is co-dependence. How can you parent effectively when you don't know yourself, don't love yourself, etc.? I think having characteristics or symptoms like ACOAs doesn't necessarily have that much to do with alcoholic parents. It's the deeper underlying issues the alcoholics haven't deal with that cause the problems in their children. Just my 2 cents.

Hi Beebs,

I grew up with an alcoholic mom and a dad who drank but never admitted to alcoholism (not sure if he is/was or not still). I actually became what I consider to be alcoholic too at a very young age and, by the grace of God, stumbled into AA and got sober at 21.

When I was first considering whether or not I was an alcoholic, I once heard the following explanation of the difference between a problem drinker and an alcoholic. For a problem drinker, when they stop drinking, the problems go away. When an alcoholic stops drinking, if there is nothing to replace it, the real, root problem just gets more painful...because the alcohol is just a way of masking the pain of the real problem. Eventually the drinking causes problems of its own, too...but the real problems go much further down.

So in that light, it isn't strange at all that you have been hurt in the same way by your teetotalling parents as by parents who drank. It is true that the actual drinking itself can cause harm of its own...but it is the soul sickness underneath, and all the ways it manifests itself, that does the real damage...and your parents could have passed that on to you without touching a drop of booze.

I'm sorry that they hurt you.

Hugs,
SG

Thank you so much folks...I'm sorry it took me so long to come back and respond. I'm not able to be on the computer much at all lately, but I wanted to quickly thank you.

Love,

Beebs

Thanks for checking in, Beebs. Hope you're doing okay..let us know how you are when you have the chance.

Thanks Kashley! I'm doing sorta kinda ok, just haven't been able to post. I will try to post an update soon.
Love you guys,

BB