For me, I became involved at our local Shambhala center.

The teachings of mindfulness and meditation, being kind to yourself, these have really helped me a great deal. It certainly isn't for everyone, but it might be something you could consider trying.

Perhaps something tangible you could try ... when you do find yourself fighting with yourself or being mean to yourself (whether it is when you start or part way through) in a non-judgmental way, notice what you are doing and thinking, and give yourself permission to let it go. Don't beat yourself up for finding yourself fighting again, just notice it, and let it go. As you do this more, you may be able to recognize when you start sooner.

I do realize that there is nothing easy about this advice. Letting this sort of thing go can be painful. If you can ease the anger at yourself about having these emotions, that will help. My T calls it "negative negativity" -- basically making yourself miserable because you are miserable. Try not to do that, it's bad enough you are miserable, right?

Hi KS....I hear you and I think I have some good information for you. But I need time to put it together (with a link too) and right now the family is calling me for dinner. I totally understand how you feel because I do/have the same things. I found some info that seems to make a lot of sense to me as to why I behave how I do and some steps to help cope. I promise I'll be back later.

TN

I e-mailed my T today and asked for some clarification and she explains it a lot better than I did, but it doesn't make it any easier for me.

quote:

What I mean by developing a strategy to not allow the part of you that shuts you up to control you, is somewhat like someone who hoards, and doesn't know how to stop. They need a strategy to move out of the feeling of having no control againist this giant problem. It starts with taking steps...designing steps to go down a different road than the familiar one...freedom to do something different.

Does that make any more sense...?

Heather, the idea of mindfulness and meditation are very difficult. My T is very much like that - meditation, contemplation, centering prayer - I started Kundalina Yoga and have a very difficult time clearing my mind, but I am working on it. I just keep on trying.

TN, whenever you have a chance - I don't think I am going any where at the moment...!

KS

hi KS,

your post reminds me of me and what my p has said that i have. that is my internal saboteur! who walks hand in hand with all my negative thoughts, impulses, actions etc. one way i have of understanding it a bit is kind of hard to explain, but ill try my best. if you can make any sense of it then i hope it helps, even a little bit.

when i feel my saboteur surfacing (and i can only do this a little because im not totally aware of it at the time i need to be until afterwards sometimes!} i try and take a step back and listen to my thoughts from a different persons perspective then respond how i think that person would respond. sort of like having a little devil on one shoulder and an angel on the other lol. then i try and rationalize the situation, thought, mood, impulse etc. maybe its more similar to having more control over our id, ego and superego (a Freud theory!) anyway, i did say it was hard for me to explain lol.
take care and keep us posted xx

quote:

Heather, the idea of mindfulness and meditation are very difficult. My T is very much like that - meditation, contemplation, centering prayer - I started Kundalina Yoga and have a very difficult time clearing my mind, but I am working on it. I just keep on trying.

I don't think it's so much clearing your mind as it is becoming aware of how your mind works, and being gentle to yourself as you find out. Try not to get angry at yourself for how you feel or what you are thinking.

I don't want to sound preachy or anything. Maybe you could pick something you like, say a warm bath or ice cream, and when you notice that mean part of you comes out, go do that nice thing for yourself.

I tend to purchase fuzzy things, like throws or sweaters when I get mean to myself. Maybe not the most practical reaction, but it does mean I'm always surrounded by fuzzy things

I have just started a new deal. I am a christian and I met with a lady from church yesterday, she did some counseling with me cause I was in a really bad place yesterday. We talked about this stuff and she handed me three pages of stuff to read. It is all stuff straight from the Bible about what God says about me as His child. When I start beating myself up and feel that negative side trying to take over she said to pull those papers out and start reading them to myself. I had to do that several times today but it really did help. Maybe you could find something like that where you could keep it in your pocket and read it when you start feeling that way. Even if it isnt stuff straight from the Bible write positive stuff down about yourself and start reading the good stuff about who you are instead of the lies that we like to tell ourselves.

Hi KS... I think what you may be referring to is described by Pete Walker as your "inner critic" and the place that you describe sounds like you are having "emotional flashbacks" both of which come from abusive backgrounds.

I'm attaching a link to a really informative article (at least I thought so) which talks about this and gives 13 steps to managing these feelings. There is also a lot of other information on Pete Walker's website. He is an MSW and Marriage and Family Therapist. I don't personally know him I just found his website while searching for info on Complex PTSD.

http://www.pete-walker.com/pdf...shbackManagement.pdf

While we may be able to congnitvely understand what is happening by reading about it I feel that this definitely needs to be worked on with a good therapist.

Hope it helps.
TN

Hi TN, thank you so much for posting that link. I have only read a small section so far and I feel a huge arrage of emotions already.

Hi TN, I loved the article--definitely helpful and stuff I could relate too! I'm going to copy it and bring it with me to my next session. mlc

Glad you both found the article helpful. I thought it was amazing how he captured the way my inner critic behaves and also how I react to it along with the description of emotional flashbacks. I had no idea this is what I've been having because as he says, there is no visual to it, just the overwhelming feelings and emotions.

mlc, I have also printed it out and will take it to my session on Monday to share with my T. There is a lot of good stuff to discuss there.

TN

TN,

Thanks for the site, it definitely has some good information on it. I too am going to print some of the information and bring it with me to my session tomorrow...

KS

Hi KS... glad you found it helpful. Good luck in your session.

TN