Hi Mary,

You sound pretty stressed. I know that dealing with your hectic schedule must be so hard. You really have your hands full with all that you describe. There is certainly nothing wrong with knowing your limitations and giving yourself permission not to over extend them. Raising a family is a lot of hard work and when we already feel maxed out emotionally we definitely need to consider what is most important in our lives at the time and make sure that we are not infringing on them ourselves. I am learning something very important about setting boundaries for myself, something I never had growing up but that I am finding I need to have in place now. I seem to be the one who tends to violate my own boundaries more than anyone else now. (Does that make sense?) Our boundaries were not respected by others when we were growing up we learn not to respect them ourselves as adults.

In today’s highly career oriented world we feel like if we don’t have a career, or we’re not pursuing a career or education then we don’t measure up to societies standards. But the truth is there _is_ only so much of us to go around and our children do need us. So if balancing is a problem and you feel that something is suffering it is a good idea to take a serious look at your circumstances and give yourself permission to cut something out that needs to go. But that is completely up to you and is your decision. But you seem to mention the stress of school enough that I wonder if it is taking such a toll on you and that maybe it is important that you consider the impact it is having on you and your family. If you find that you are managing the stress ok and that there is just an occasional bout of over-stress, then that is probably typical and not so alarming. But it is good that you weigh it out.

I hope this helps and doesn’t sound like I am advocating or making any personal preferences. I’m just now aware that knowing and respecting my limitations feels good. You are to be commended for your hard work and effort and caring for your family the way that you do. It's not an easy job no matter what.

Take care!
JM

Hi Mary,
That's a lot to carry,four children and the youngest in 1st Grade. I only have two children and I would have been hard pressed to do everything you're doing. And struggling with feeling guilty on top of it makes it even more difficult. Could you consider going to school part time? I know it would take longer but it might allow you to deal with all of it better by not pushing yourself beyond human limits.

But I agree with JM, only you know what's going to be best for you and your children. And I think it speaks well of what kind of mother you are, that you are worrying about being there enogh for them. I hope you find some opportunities to get some rest!

AG

we can't go to school part time. and you know her took lots years to get to this place and time like to figures it out. i trying to behave and be quiet so her can work. i knows i am troubles sometimes cuz i get bored at school. we all need to pull together and coperate at home like the outside kids do need to help around the house. i think you guys here should be suportive more of her eforts. just my opinion ok? i don't wants you guys going mad at me. i just think her needs encourageing.

samy

My apologies Mary, I did something I hate when other people do it. You weren't looking for solutions, you were looking for understanding. I know how overwhelming it can feel when you're trying to just do the basics, adding in school on top of that must feel like way too much sometimes. And it can feel like you're doing everything badly. But that's really not true. I guarentee you're handling it all much better than you think you are, even if at times it can feel like too much. I know Samy thinks you're doing great, and she's a VERY smart kid!

Samy, thank you for calling me on that and protecting Mary. You have such a good heart.

AG

Hi Samy,
I'm glad that you speak up and I won't get mad at you for that.

But I guess I thought I was trying to be encouraging. I think that she is pretty amazing that she works so hard to accomplish all that she does and I know it can't be easy on any of you guys. I was just appealing to her sense of stress, that is she thinks it is too much that she needs to listen to herself. However, I admire anyone who works so hard and goes to school and cares for their family. It is not an easy task whatsoever and deserves tremendous respect.

I think you are a wonderful person for being so caring and concerned and helpful to her. You talk about yourself in such a way that I don't think you realize what good qualities you have.