Hi everyone, just checking in. It is three weeks today that I see my new psychiatrist for the first time. It is 9 weeks since I have seen my exT. Even though it is getting closer I have had an extreme amount of stress over the last four days. A very dear and close friend is going through an horrific time and won’t let me help her. So so so sad and painful to watch and not be able to give any support. I am estranged from my family and my sister unexpectedly turned up and unfortunately my boundaries weren’t strong enough to turn her away. While the visit went ok she said some things that my dad said (he has since past away) and they have hurt me very deeply. She didn’t mean to hurt but they have really cut me.

I have also hurt someone’s feelings that is not close to me but I had no right to hurt them just because I was so stressed and hurting. I have done my best to make things right with that person but I am so ashamed of myself – it was another one of those times where I feel I have no control over my emotions and feel totally justified about my behaviour. That is the second time in a few weeks this has happened and it is scary. During the event I feel sane and totally rational but just a few hours later I realize how crazy I was and can’t begin to understand how I ever thought it was sane or rational.