Removed at Request of the member. - AG
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(((( Puppet )))}
Aw you know what I'm SO glad you have posted - and I really really hope you don't end up hating yourself because of it.
I'm so sorry you're feeling this way - stuck is a horrible place to be - and it's worse when you're stuck in bad things that tear you apart at the same time as you're stuck. You have a lot on your plate right now - maybe you can give yourself permission to feel bad and not feel like you have to keep turning yourself inside out to resolve everything. (Easy words, yeah I know, sorry.)
Oh secrets. Well there's no pressure at all to have to reveal stuff here - or anywhere for that matter. Though I reckon you couldn't find a better or more supportive and understanding bunch of people to share the deep dark things with than here
It's funny I think just about everyone here feels like the only way they can get to reach out for understanding and support is by being supportive first - and that really isn't the case. Puppet please don't feel that you have to post to other's threads at all - it's more than enough that you've taken the risk to post a thread at all!
Not knowing what to say to help people - can I join your club? Most of the time when I write stuff I think god i'm talking bollocks, people are going to see straight through me and see how useless I am and how I don't really know what I'm talking about at all. But I spent a lot of time on another very busy forum previously, and I learned that people are really helped most by being told that they've been heard.
I don't think people are looking for advice or answers - it's being heard, having our pain listened to and heard, that's the most healing thing. Don't know if that's any use to you - I guess I'm trying to say that it's ok if you feel like you don't know how to help people, that you've got a terrible past experience that makes it really difficult for you to experience yourself as not having the 'right' answers, or that other people's pain can be too overwhelming. There's a place for everyone here, there's certainly a place for your fears and doubt and pain.
Will you teach me how to do that too? And can I join this other club - I'm not as nice as I make myself out to be. I often feel like I'm presenting a sanitized version of myself - well I do all the time in real world anyway. What better place to start letting ourselves be our 'real' selves, than on an anonymous forum?
Sorry I'm waffling a bit, been a bit sideswiped by things today so not expressing myself very coherently.
Puppet I hope you feel safe enough to keep posting here. I really do look forward to getting to know you better.
LL
Aw you know what I'm SO glad you have posted - and I really really hope you don't end up hating yourself because of it.
I'm so sorry you're feeling this way - stuck is a horrible place to be - and it's worse when you're stuck in bad things that tear you apart at the same time as you're stuck. You have a lot on your plate right now - maybe you can give yourself permission to feel bad and not feel like you have to keep turning yourself inside out to resolve everything. (Easy words, yeah I know, sorry.)
Oh secrets. Well there's no pressure at all to have to reveal stuff here - or anywhere for that matter. Though I reckon you couldn't find a better or more supportive and understanding bunch of people to share the deep dark things with than here
It's funny I think just about everyone here feels like the only way they can get to reach out for understanding and support is by being supportive first - and that really isn't the case. Puppet please don't feel that you have to post to other's threads at all - it's more than enough that you've taken the risk to post a thread at all!
Not knowing what to say to help people - can I join your club? Most of the time when I write stuff I think god i'm talking bollocks, people are going to see straight through me and see how useless I am and how I don't really know what I'm talking about at all. But I spent a lot of time on another very busy forum previously, and I learned that people are really helped most by being told that they've been heard.
I don't think people are looking for advice or answers - it's being heard, having our pain listened to and heard, that's the most healing thing. Don't know if that's any use to you - I guess I'm trying to say that it's ok if you feel like you don't know how to help people, that you've got a terrible past experience that makes it really difficult for you to experience yourself as not having the 'right' answers, or that other people's pain can be too overwhelming. There's a place for everyone here, there's certainly a place for your fears and doubt and pain.
quote:hopefully i can allow myself to be just as I am and not worry anymore that others won't like me if I'm not as nice as I should be.
Will you teach me how to do that too? And can I join this other club - I'm not as nice as I make myself out to be. I often feel like I'm presenting a sanitized version of myself - well I do all the time in real world anyway. What better place to start letting ourselves be our 'real' selves, than on an anonymous forum?
Sorry I'm waffling a bit, been a bit sideswiped by things today so not expressing myself very coherently.
Puppet I hope you feel safe enough to keep posting here. I really do look forward to getting to know you better.
LL
Puppet-
you`re great! I really have no time now- just wanted to AMEN on LL`post and letting you hereby know that you are so welcome here on forum -and we are so happy you`re here! Dont worry about not posting or feeling like manage to help- (very understandable from your past- experiences!) sometimes even just a "i`ve read you poster"-word is enough. It is for me at least. I hope this short reply some how came across as a warm and good-intended as well!
so.. I read you poster Puppet.
and here`s my hug to you ((puppet))
you`re great! I really have no time now- just wanted to AMEN on LL`post and letting you hereby know that you are so welcome here on forum -and we are so happy you`re here! Dont worry about not posting or feeling like manage to help- (very understandable from your past- experiences!) sometimes even just a "i`ve read you poster"-word is enough. It is for me at least. I hope this short reply some how came across as a warm and good-intended as well!
so.. I read you poster Puppet.
and here`s my hug to you ((puppet))
puppet ~ wow, you have great courage to post in spite of your fears!
I think we are pretty safe from both (unless you curse out or personally attack any single member or unless you post very very specific details (like address and stuff.) I've shared the same fears and I've even googled fairly specific stuff I have posted, and this forum doesn't come up. I know saying that doesn't help that much...
I go in and out of times of being able to respond to others and not, and I know others here do as well (I can remember AG and another poster talking about it briefly even - just don't remeber where.)
Just reading of other's battles and struggles is deeply helpful for me (and probably others too.) It helps to know I am not alone and often I learn new thinsg about myself as I read others posts and struggles and battles. You are likely helping others by just sharing about you and being real with wherever you are at. (I bet there are a handful of people who may read posts here but are too scared to post for some of the same reasons you list - and becaus eyou had the courage to post, they might feel a little less alone in their fear to post.)
For me, more often than not, the very best support I can get is just knowing I'm not alone, is knowing others are "present" with me in the battle to recover... (does this make any sense?)
Most of all, I am so sorry for the helplessness and pain you felt and went through with someone in your life...
please feel no pressure to share anything more comfortable than you are ok with sharing or that you feel you need to share. (and I think it's ok to share and the delete if you need. if it helps you.)
~jd
p.s. It's ok to hug or not! (of course) just be you! as much as you can be. Even if it's one step at a time, and no pressur eno matter what!
Do I understand right that you mean rules based on fears how the forum will respond and fears being of being "found out" and identified here on the forum by others? I can really understand. At times, I have shared the same concerns.quote:i feel like i can't post (reach out to people) because there are so many rules (fears) in my mind, about what not to say, can't reveal too much about my identity.
I think we are pretty safe from both (unless you curse out or personally attack any single member or unless you post very very specific details (like address and stuff.) I've shared the same fears and I've even googled fairly specific stuff I have posted, and this forum doesn't come up. I know saying that doesn't help that much...
I agree with Frog and LL so much!!! I think it is very very ok to post threads about you, seeking support yourself, even if you are not in a place to respond to others. It's very ok.quote:i feel like i can't post or come here too often because there are people whom i care about but i haven't been very supportive of, because i feel helpless, i don't know what to say to help them.
I go in and out of times of being able to respond to others and not, and I know others here do as well (I can remember AG and another poster talking about it briefly even - just don't remeber where.)
Just reading of other's battles and struggles is deeply helpful for me (and probably others too.) It helps to know I am not alone and often I learn new thinsg about myself as I read others posts and struggles and battles. You are likely helping others by just sharing about you and being real with wherever you are at. (I bet there are a handful of people who may read posts here but are too scared to post for some of the same reasons you list - and becaus eyou had the courage to post, they might feel a little less alone in their fear to post.)
For me, more often than not, the very best support I can get is just knowing I'm not alone, is knowing others are "present" with me in the battle to recover... (does this make any sense?)
Most of all, I am so sorry for the helplessness and pain you felt and went through with someone in your life...
oh, I could have written those very words myself... EVERY post I have put up, I ache for more, and yet want to disappear and delete it... and behind all of it is a mountain of secrets I am too scared to tell...quote:i feel like i can't post because my secrets are still so much that - secrets - and i am still ashamed of them - and a part of me is still terrified someone will find out... and sometimes when i do reveal some things, i hate myself the next day and it will take me a long time to make peace with myself again. a part of me will be really upset because she wanted to say more, she wanted to say the whole truth - while another part of me is horrified at what i've done, that i was so naive and stupid.
please feel no pressure to share anything more comfortable than you are ok with sharing or that you feel you need to share. (and I think it's ok to share and the delete if you need. if it helps you.)
Me too - for you and for myself too. That is so beautifully worded...quote:hopefully i can allow myself to be just as I am and not worry anymore that others won't like me if I'm not as nice as I should be.
~jd
p.s. It's ok to hug or not! (of course) just be you! as much as you can be. Even if it's one step at a time, and no pressur eno matter what!
i am overwhelmed by the responses and i am trying really hard to fight the voice in my head which says that i don't deserve it, because then your touching words would have been in vain...
LL - you are so sweet and so good at helping people feel welcome and saying the right things. i really did feel heard, thank you for that. and i look forward to getting to know you better too.
frog - thank you for the welcoming words and for reading my post - it means a lot!
janedoe, i was overwhelmed that you took the time with such a long reply and i'm sorry if it doesn't come across that I really appreciate it (because i'm still recovering from shock )
yes, the fear is of 'being found out' - i think this fear is so hidden that i feel like i don't really understand it myself, yet it feels like it drives so many of my actions. i also worry constantly about what other people think of me, i've been doing it for soo long, so it's not an easy thing to change. i guess because i don't like myself, i have a constant need to have other people like me. so, technically, I know how to change this - I just have to like myself more.
janedoe - I am sorry to hear about your mountain of secrets too, they must be really heavy to bear...
i really appreciate how you all said that i don't have to post to help other people, its ok to post just about myself... it's still something i really struggle with and I imagine I will for a while. but hearing those words does help.
puppet
LL - you are so sweet and so good at helping people feel welcome and saying the right things. i really did feel heard, thank you for that. and i look forward to getting to know you better too.
frog - thank you for the welcoming words and for reading my post - it means a lot!
janedoe, i was overwhelmed that you took the time with such a long reply and i'm sorry if it doesn't come across that I really appreciate it (because i'm still recovering from shock )
yes, the fear is of 'being found out' - i think this fear is so hidden that i feel like i don't really understand it myself, yet it feels like it drives so many of my actions. i also worry constantly about what other people think of me, i've been doing it for soo long, so it's not an easy thing to change. i guess because i don't like myself, i have a constant need to have other people like me. so, technically, I know how to change this - I just have to like myself more.
janedoe - I am sorry to hear about your mountain of secrets too, they must be really heavy to bear...
i really appreciate how you all said that i don't have to post to help other people, its ok to post just about myself... it's still something i really struggle with and I imagine I will for a while. but hearing those words does help.
puppet