Im not sure really how to explain this but just wondering if anyone else has been in this type of situation and if so what they have done or if they have tried to talk to their T or P about it.

Right now I am seeing my P who I have been seeing for over 10 years. He is the one who I am so in love with and he has been there for me through everything.
I am also seeing my T who I have been seeing for 10 months. She is great and there is some maternal attachment but not super strong like my erotic and paternal transference towards my P.

Lately I have been feeling like I am the child stuck in the middle of the two parents (my P as the dad and my T as the mom).

When I grew up my parents would fight a little but most of the time we would get told by mom what she did not like about dad and that would happen quite a bit. And every once in awhile my dad would do the same thing towards my mom.

I used to get very defensive when my mom would talk bad about my dad or say he wasnt doing something right. I think that is partly because my dad had been around longer than my step mom had. My dad adopted me when I was a year old and his wife died when I was four. So he was around awhile before the step-mom came into the picture.

So right now my therapist is not real happy with the way my psychiatrist is doing things. They have decided I have ADHD. They both agree on that and my therapist wants me on medication for it and is very frustrated that my P did not want to put me on ritalin or something else right away. My P know I have a history of abusing meds and have only been clean for 10 months and wants me to make it longer before he hands me some kind of drug I can abuse.

I understand why he is doing this. He needs to trust me more. We have discussed it and he and I agree that its best to start me on welbutrin for now and see how that does and then when I have been clean longer we will try other meds.

My P only says nice things about my T which makes me feel a little better but right now I feel like the kid stuck in the middle. My "mom" is upset with my "dad" whom I love and I am a big time daddy's girl in this relationship and very defensive of my "daddy"

My old highschool P also pointed this out because of an email I had sent him. I did not tell him I was feeling this way, but because of the conflict between my T and P he questioned it and said he was worried. He thinks I need to talk to both of them about it because there is a risk o falling into childhood patterns and reenactment of childhood relationships.

I am not sure what to do or if I am just crazy for feeling this way or how to even bring it up or explain how I am feeling. Has anyone else ever felt stuck between their T and P or two T's? Like they were a child stuck between the fighting of their parents?