so I was scared because I thought I d&od not deserve more sessions. Guilty.
I went there. But had rum before, bad, bad About, who could not deal with feelings, coward running away.
Bad me.
I am still rather tipsy.
Sutpid, stupid me.
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((((ABOUT))))
You are not a coward. Who would want to deal with this stuff? It's very painful.
You are not a coward. Who would want to deal with this stuff? It's very painful.
You are not bad. You are important and you matter. You need what you need and there is no shame in that.
Thank you for your replies.
I now feel quite stupid (and the post-rum headache does not really help), I mean... in another way. Mostly guilty for having wasted my T's time by being... quite random and not very good at focusing on anything. I was still making sense, but the whole "be there" was a bit lost in the process, and *hides in a pit of shame and guilt now*
I was just feeling so scared and guilty because my brain was telling me it was wrong to go to this session because I did not deserve it, since I was not actually dying, so I did this brilliant think "let's try to numb the feelings, so that I can actually go there".
And now it is even worse. Not only do I have undeserved therapy, but I wasted T's time............
And I hear you Smilingpenguin, and it is a very sensible answer. (And I am sorry you had to go through that).
Thank you all.
I now feel quite stupid (and the post-rum headache does not really help), I mean... in another way. Mostly guilty for having wasted my T's time by being... quite random and not very good at focusing on anything. I was still making sense, but the whole "be there" was a bit lost in the process, and *hides in a pit of shame and guilt now*
I was just feeling so scared and guilty because my brain was telling me it was wrong to go to this session because I did not deserve it, since I was not actually dying, so I did this brilliant think "let's try to numb the feelings, so that I can actually go there".
And now it is even worse. Not only do I have undeserved therapy, but I wasted T's time............
And I hear you Smilingpenguin, and it is a very sensible answer. (And I am sorry you had to go through that).
Thank you all.
About. We all have done things that we wish we could undo. Learn from this that you don't like how you feel today. Next time you'll face your guilt and see T without liquid support. Jillann
Yes... The lesson is learnt. Definitely to many bad side effects, and the increase in guilt, shame and self-hate... Not helpful.
Now I must fix it. I guess I will apologize next time. *tries to sound reasonable about it and not "I will go to Antarctica and live among penguins and never see a human being again because I am so terrible and ashamed and I wasted my T's time and proven I was worthless and bad"*
Thank you Jillann. Sorry for being so stupid about everything.
Now I must fix it. I guess I will apologize next time. *tries to sound reasonable about it and not "I will go to Antarctica and live among penguins and never see a human being again because I am so terrible and ashamed and I wasted my T's time and proven I was worthless and bad"*
Thank you Jillann. Sorry for being so stupid about everything.
(((ABOUT))) First thing: YOU ARE NOT AS YOU SAY, WORTHLESS AND BAD!!! You made a mistake, so what? We all make mistakes, even our T's make plenty of mistakes. We just don't have the privilege of hearing about most if any of their mistakes. You didn't waste your T's time, they are paid to be their for you. And maybe if you think about it, you didn't waste your time either, because look what you have learned from this experience. That's what its all about is "LEARNING". I'd say you have been a "GREAT STUDENT" and "LEARNED A LOT" from this experience. Its all positive for you, because you have already shown how much you have grown and learned from this. I'd say you are a lot stronger than you think.
(((about)))
I hope you will be able to feel the care your T and people here feel for you, and internalize some of it. It is hard to struggle with feeling pain and looking for ways to lessen it, there is nothing stupid or cowardly in that. Everything on earth with a pulse feels a natural drive to seek comfort when feeling pain. The part that takes time is learning which ways of seeking relief will bring lasting results, and which methods have unwanted side effects. You are continuing to bravely face these very painful emotions. I know your feelings about yourself are very strong now, but please know you are doing a very brave thing in working with T, and your T is there for you. It's not a waste of anyone's time for you to receive the support you deserve
I hope you will be able to feel the care your T and people here feel for you, and internalize some of it. It is hard to struggle with feeling pain and looking for ways to lessen it, there is nothing stupid or cowardly in that. Everything on earth with a pulse feels a natural drive to seek comfort when feeling pain. The part that takes time is learning which ways of seeking relief will bring lasting results, and which methods have unwanted side effects. You are continuing to bravely face these very painful emotions. I know your feelings about yourself are very strong now, but please know you are doing a very brave thing in working with T, and your T is there for you. It's not a waste of anyone's time for you to receive the support you deserve