Hi Jane,
I am sure there are many things you didn't fail at today. Take little baby steps, if that helps. Did you have breakfast, or called a friend, or did you do a chore, make yourself coffee... something you take for granted, but which is in fact a good, positive thing. A small success! I think we tend to take a lot of things for granted, because other people find them 'normal'. I am sure everyone here would like to hear about any success of yours, no matter how big or small, and celebrate with you.

Take care ((Janedoe))

Hi, sweetie- I deal very much with the same thing. My Sd has been helping me to identify this and fight it. It is excruciating to "expose" any good thing I have done to him- it feels very wrong. I much prefer to focus on the negatives in my life as they feel much more truthful, much more where I am at- and it feels much safer. I guess I am scared that if I reveal good things I have done, I am destroying any hope that I can get his help with the bad stuff which is so prevalent. Also it just feels safer some way, to stay in the dark and not let the light in. To this end he starts every session with asking me to name three good things that happened, or that I did. And then he rejoices with me very sincerely at these small victories, and acts very proud of me. It is SO hard. He will also try as he is able to provide with me or share good and positive, enjoyable experiences. But this is also very, very healing. I have experienced a complete shift from black to white many times with him this way- that lasted a day or so. Lovely to feel. I hope that you will begin to slowly acknowledge the successes and the good and wonderful things that you do- in spite of the pain that brings. (And I understand that it really is painful to do that, or to hear good things about yourself!) Little steps as they say. I think that you can claim what you have posted here as a success, for one thing.

Many hugs, keep on plugging!

Much respect,

BB

Going to join the chorus here - it is SO HARD to give myself open credit for doing something positive - actually make that impossible, even times I do feel briefly good about achieving something, especially in terms of taking something good in from someone else, within moments the automatic defence system kicks in and it just disappears, or else I manage to turn it into a negative (and I don't even have to try doing that, it just happens).

JD I have very clear awareness of why this happens for me, lol but if I tried to explain it here this would turn into a massive post - and anyway knowing why it happens doesn't seem to change the fact that it does happen... maybe we need a different approach?

You know what I think might be a good idea for those of us who manage to negate the good stuff, is to start a permanent thread on here where we make ourselves regularly post about something good or a success or an achievement of some sort. That way it's openly stated and much harder to negate (though I'm sure we'd manage to negate it anyway What do you guys think?

LL

Love the idea LL. A place to celebrate victories and successes and good things- to make ourselves "say it." I related very strongly to your sense of good stuff "just disappearing." arg, I hate that. Hate it, such a bad feeling. It feels like a battle to the death sometimes, I swear.

BB ~ Your T has you say 3 good things at the begining of every session? wow, that's a cool idea. I'm not sure I could, but kind of makes me want to try. I'm discovering that just stopping the self hate isn't enough, I need to replace it with something. It is so painful to let the light in. It almost makes me panic sometimes. But it is so healing too - so important to hang on to as much as we can.

LL ~ Yeah, for me, just knowing why is only a part of the battle. It helps me see the fight before me. But now that I know what it is... time to engage. I love your idea about starting a postive achievement/success/good kind of thread!

I need to acknowledge the successes - of all kinds and sizes.

Maybe our next Friday thread should be about successes and characteristics we like about ourselves. That would be some difficult home work for many of us.

ok, so this is super small stuff (it's been a crappy day) but I thought of 3 positive things I did today:
- I called my T and asked for something I needed
- I saw my doctor today even though I so wanted to cancel the appointment
- I started to get mad at myself but stopped and did something kind and fun instead.

and I posted this!

(((((Jane)))))

Those three things are a big deal! Doing even one of those things in a day would make me very proud, but to do all three on a day that sucks is amazing. You rock!!!

Errr...make that four, thanks for sharing!

JD I totally agree with Yaku, they're not small things, they are major achievements! Way to go!!!!! AND good for you for posting it too - lol I've been thinking about starting that thread on successes but can't think of anything I've done to post about - maybe one day when I actually achieve something positive I'll be able to do it.

Well done you ((((( JaneDoe )))))

LL

Well, whoever starts the thread can claim, "Starting this thread," as a positive step, right?