It looks like the beginning of acceptance TN. More good memories will come of this, and never leave.

"Knowing is not feeling it. To fully understand, it must be felt first."

(((TN))) It sounds a lot like what I experience when I have grieved the loss of someone close. My T once told me that grief is the process of letting go of how the relationship was when the person was alive, so that you get it back in the way it has to be now. Part of that letting go and regaining for me is to sort through and process all the memories. The further I got in the grieving process, the more comforting the memories got and the more they focused on good, loving memories.

I remember when my MIL died, our whole family having conversations that ranged from laughing to crying to laughing hysterically as we all recalled wonderful things about mom (she lived with us and was a vital part of our family). I think you are doing what you need to do, but its pretty confusing as you do it. Grief tends to blindside me alot. I hope you can continue to find comfort in your memories.

xx AG

quote:

grief is the process of letting go of how the relationship was when the person was alive, so that you get it back in the way it has to be now.

Thank you, AG. The problem is: I don't want it the way it has to be now. Because now I'm alone and there is no hope and no opportunity for closure. I just have to learn to live iwth that... like living without a limb.

TN

((TN))
Of course you don't want it this way now, its not as good. Part of the very difficult work of grieving is being able to express our hurt and anger that we no longer have what we did. But there is still hope. Odd thing about grief, it is so painful and all about loss, yet hope lives at its heart. You won't always feel so devastated by this although I know that is close to impossible to believe right now.



AG

Thank you AG for the response. You are right.... I cannot believe it now. My response to all loss is to just block it out like it does not matter or never happened. The memories do not comfort they torture instead.

This is so hard.
TN

(((TN))) i'm so sorry for what you're going through.

quote:

My response to all loss is to just block it out like it does not matter or never happened. The memories do not comfort they torture instead.

that's how i feel, too. just block it like it never mattered at all. and the memories torture because you know you can't have them back. i'm sorry, i don't mean to feed your misery, but to let you know you're not alone in your feelings.

over time, they will pass and it will become easier. until then, gentle hugs to you and take good self care (((TN)))

TN, I have no advice but can relate very closely to what you are going through, what you have written, your thoughts and your emotions.
Thinking of you
Somedays

((TN))
I'm so sorry for your loss. I can't say that I really know what that is like. Thinking of you.

Thank you Closed Doors, SD, Hollow and Hopeful.

I appreciate your support.

TN

((TN)) thinking of you.