I've had to deal with medical issues this week (as a patient). I find this incredibly difficult. But, I managed. One doctor I spoke to on the phone was great, supportive, listened. Unfortunately the one I saw was awful and I was triggered. Just going to the doctor place leaves me triggered. I ended up texting my ex-T who was supportive and kind and listened. I feel a bit bad, cos I told her what memories it was triggering. I'm not sure if that is ok or not. She advised watching them from far off (not exactly difficult for a dissociative type - Jedi at 'it wasn't me that happened to'). However, I was glad of her support.

I wish I could reach out to my current T in those extreme moments. It's not allowed. I guess it 'contains' the therapy. I feel guilty because neither T knows about the other. ExT doesnt know I have this temporary free counselling. Current T never asked about previous experiences and whilst I have brought up one or two other previous (nhs) issues with therapy I haven't said anything about my exT. I don't want to. I know the current one is just temporary - I am working on stuff and it is helping. She isn't available other than for the 75 mins (soon to be 60 mins despite my needs) on Friday mornings. ExT I want to see, but can't afford - but she is gentle support when I need. She might not talk to me if she finds I have this temporary help from the assult place... Am I really bad for doing this? I need them both. I'm careful not to step over the boundaries of either. I wont text T cos she says I mustn't. The other is happy to support, and I'm careful to only talk to her when I really really need someone. It has been healing, as the end of the sessions was very messy and painful.

Maybe I just feel safer with the little bit exT gives me?

SB