Drank too much wine cooked a nice dinner for my kids and h, and then had a complete meltdown. Wish I had kept it more positive. tomorrow's another day. Thanks for your care, Jane...I'm glad it's over.

Love,

BB

I am so sorry bb it was so rough. It was have been way harder for me if I would have had kids or husband - the reminders... many many hugs to you. I hope and pray you sleep well tonight - and wake up to a new day tomorrow.

tomorrow is another day bb, I am sooo glad for that. I keep reminding myself, tomorrow is another day, tomorrow is a new day...

I'm sorry the day was so horrific, DF. I hope you are safe... let us know.

bb

aw, jd, I'm sorry, I didn't mean to whine when you were all alone. (((((JD)))))

((((DF))))

JD.. so sorry to hear you spent the day alone but it seems that you made it through okay using some coping skills and mindfulness. Yes tomorrow is another day and I hope a happier one for you.

DF...wish you didn't have a horrific day. Hope you are okay now and were able to relax and take some "me" time to unwind and recover from the day. Some holidays are really tough.

BB...I'm sorry you had that meltdown. Was it a missing your T kind of meltdown? I can relate to that. Or was it a missing the family meltdown and feeling alone and lonely? I'm sorry you had to deal with that while trying to make a nice Thanksgiving for your family.

As for me... I woke up and saw it was snowing... another MAJOR trigger for me. The day I met my T it was snowing and we spent some wonderful snowy day sessions snug in his wonderful and cozy office. I would so look forward to it snowing when I was there. And so when I saw the brief snow today I started to fall apart emotionally and I started to shake and go into that major anxiety/shaking that happens when I start to experience that loss/grief reaction. It took me a good while to just get out of bed but I HAD to force myself as guests were coming for dinner. Luckily I prepared a lot of food last night and also set the table. I do better at night than in the mornings.

Dinner came out well and I drank a lot of wine and sort of numbed out for the day. Sort of went on auto pilot... cook, serve, clean-up, smile, nod, say the usual stuff and then collapse when all was done alone in my little office room with the computer and memories of my oldT who I am fiercely missing today. I have a significant anniversary coming up... 12/6 would have been three years that I was with my T and I had been looking forward to that milestone to talk about how far I had come, how well I was doing on so many fronts and to express my gratitude to my T for always being there for me and for his support.

Guess that is not gonna happen... hence the dropping into further depression and grief.

I guess the positive part is that we all managed to survive... because we ARE survivors.

Hugs to all
TN

Jane, BB, DF, TN, I'm sorry today was so hard for you all. What Jane said is true, though - tomorrow is a new day. Sorry, I wish I had something better to say to you all, but I don't really have the words right now.

Been numb the entire day...just completely flat. Faked smiles at dinner and all day, really. The numbness is driving me crazy right now, because I don't even know how to properly express myself. I guess I'm trying to break the numbness by forcing myself to post. I feel so much like I'm not even human at times like these. I see my T on Wednesday after 9 days - that seems soo far away right now.

I'm sorry to go on and on complaining on your thread, Jane.

JD,
we all survived. I'm thinking we all should have went to AG's house.

PG

Hi All,
I'm so sorry it was such a tough day, but it's understandable that a Holiday which so stresses family is going to suck when your FOO did. Sorry I wasn't here yesterday to offer support, we kind of went from the time we got up until I dropped in bed half dead at 11. I am glad you all made it through though.

I'm torn between the fact that I feel kind of guilty for not calling my mother, then feeling angry with myself because she didn't call me either so why should I feel guilty, both overshadowed by the relief of not having to have a totally insincere from beginning to end conversation. I just feel like I'm in this lukewarm place between actually be in touch or cut off. Very weird.

And PG I think it's a good plan for next year.

AG

quote:

BB...I'm sorry you had that meltdown. Was it a missing your T kind of meltdown? I can relate to that. Or was it a missing the family meltdown and feeling alone and lonely? I'm sorry you had to deal with that while trying to make a nice Thanksgiving for your family.

TN- yeah it was a missing my T kind of meltdown, triggered by the fact that having to talk to me would have been a "duty" to my mom- had I even managed to get through to her. Guess I was just feeling like I'm a duty to everyone, including my T.

Thank you for the kind words to all of us AG...you were missed! I'm booking my lfight to your house right now! (just kidding)

Love,

Beebs

BB,
I'll have a warm nest waiting.

AG

i made it through, too. last year was the FIRST year i did NOT have my parents over for thanksgiving, and THAT got me out of the will. this year, and only for my kids and somewhat, yes, for my dad, too...i invited them up, but, they cancelled at the last minute!! nothing better than two LESS for dinner! especially if one of them is my mom!! ho ho ho!! how many days til Christmas!!??? pray for icy conditions!!! a 'two-fer', would it be possible?? jill

oh, and i didn't even HAVE to ask my sister (sa), sooooooooooo she got really mad at me, left a message telling me i was no longer HER sister, and that i could just take her off of my friend list (she was never on it), she doesn't ever want to see me again...etc. SO, instead of arguing with her, soothing her, spoiling her, i said...."ok"!

(she hung up)

hoorah!!

looks like a nicer holiday around THIS house!! jill (sister-less, at last! wish it'd been sooner, but, actually, she got the worst of the parent deal...is now schizophrenic, so, i guess i needed her after all....mom liked her best, so what THAT got her!!)

jill