(((RT))) I have no wisdom, I am currently sth like drowning but I wanted to tell you I had read you, and I care, and I'm thinking of you. I am sorry you're hurting.

Is there anyone you can reach for IRL? (please forget this if it's stupid)

(((RT))) This may sound stupid, but when I'm drowning like that, I focus on the dog, noticing all the cool elements of dogness about him. Seeing him happy, goofy, sleepy, panting or noticing the little mysterious fold in his ear--it doesn't always cheer me up, but it helps steer my thoughts away from the pain.

I survived it but with a lot of collateral damage. I don't know what to tell you. I talked about it incessantly to any good friend/T that would listen. I read a lot to try to find a solution to it and I slept a lot. Evenutally, I think I just had to cry it out. I guess time is the best healer but it sucks while time is passing by. You lose so many other things while waiting.

I'm sorry for your pain.
TN

My survival is ED, drink and SI. No words of wisdom i'm afraid. Thinking of you though

i also wish i had an answer for you, (((RT)))
it can be so excruciatingly painful.
unfortunately i think TN is right, that with time it'll get better. i'm sorry you're suffering so much right now.

"I think I just had to cry it out."

Thats the key.

Hope you hear something soon. The waiting is really hard. Any good T should respond in 24 hours unless they are out on vacation.

You have not done anything wrong so please don't punish yourself. Don't turn it inward. Be angry at the incompetent T's out there.

One hour at a time. Distract yourself.

TN

quote:

And now I am to take my damaged self to a new therapist and, showing my worst side with my worst traits, say, hi, can you help me? any sane T would run.

I did this. My T did not run. Not at all. He embraced me, my active and past trauma and he stayed and stayed and he saved me. He tells me he cares very much about me and he knew how seriously ill/hurt I was when he accepted me but he also knew I could get well.

There are good T's out there who can handle trauma but you have to keep looking and you have to evaluate any new T for what YOU need from them or don't even start and hope to change them. Ask a LOT of questions. Decide with your head before your heart gets involved.

It really can be done.

TN

quote:

I know sometimes one has to find a way to get by without crying, but I don't think that avoiding the feelings is the way to go.

RT, I think there's a difference between avoiding feelings and distracting yourself from them for a bit. I have a tendency to latch onto depressive and angry feelings and then work myself into a frenzy over them. "Drowning" in negative feelings is akin to drowning in water in that panicking (getting hysterical) or struggling (obsessive thinking) is counterproductive (and potentially fatal!); if you can stay calm, you can "stay afloat," so to speak. At least this has been true in my experience.

I read somewhere that all feelings, no matter how extreme they feel, can be safely allowed within yourself for about 5 minutes, and after that, it's time to let go of them, at least for a little while. "Letting go" could mean a conscious/mindful switch to meditation or to some activity, like the weed pulling you did today.

RabbitEars

Hi RT

I'm so sorry to hear about the awful pain you are going through.

It might help to google "ways to self soothe abandonment feelings" or to look up emotion regulation strategies from dialectical behaviour therapy. Both can give you some ideas on what might help you feel a little bit better and help you be able to bear the hell you are going through until your next T session.

I agree with RE that knowing the feelings for a bit and then putting them aside is a wise move.

Thinking of you xx

quote:

"I think I just had to cry it out."

Thats the key.

I bumped this thread today....no, actually, this thread bumped into me.

So, I tend to agree with it okay, but really? How many tears can a person cry?

Is it necessary to cry out a lung?

I'm spent.

quote:

How many tears can a person cry?

Is it necessary to cry out a lung?

(((Blu)))

I'd like to add a related question: In order to heal, is it necessary to cry in front of another human being? I've been crying alone for 30+ years and it hasn't changed a thing. And yet, I cannot cry in front of T.

quote:

I'd like to add a related question: In order to heal, is it necessary to cry in front of another human being? I've been crying alone for 30+ years and it hasn't changed a thing. And yet, I cannot cry in front of T.

RE,
This is the 64,000 $ question. Crying in front of T. Some do, some don't.

I have been crying a river, but seldom cry in front of T. In all the years......maybe a couple of times.

It doesn't bother her. But it bugs the crap out of me.

I wish I had more of an answer for you. If you find one, let me know.

I'm the same Blu. I really dont think it matters if you cry or use words. It's all the same eh?

Crying alone is what we have been used to.
Venting the emotion is the main thing.

I never want to be that vulnerable to cry in front of anyone about anything. I cant even imagine it. BUT, having said that much...I think it would be a good thing to accept that comfort if I was ready to trust the person I was crying in front of.

Maybe I will, one day.

sounds like a new verse to an old Bob Dylan song...


How many tears can one person cry
Before she's allowed to be free?
The answer, my friend, is blowing in the wind
The answer is blowing in the wind

Now I'm smiling despite the sad tears welling up..

I guess it all does go back to Trust.

Somehow it always goes there.

quote:

I guess it all does go back to Trust.

Yes--which makes me wonder if i would need to be healed (i.e., feeling real trust) before I could ever cry in front of T?

It's another catch-22: can't heal with 'em, can't heal without 'em!

Good one RE!