Hello Everyone,

I'm a little hesitant about writing this post, because it touches on abortion issues (the pro-life/pro-choice controversy) and I know that these are sensitive and controversial topics. However, I mean to write about them only as they are impacting my therapy right now, and I hope that anyone who reads this will be okay with looking at it from that point of view. If you think this would be a problem for you (and I totally understand if it would be) this would probably be a good point to stop reading. . . .

Anyway, as most of you know, I am in the early months of a not very expected pregnancy. I was a little ambivalent about it at first, not devastated, but not on cloud nine either. As the weeks have gone by, though, I've been feeling increasingly happy about the pregnancy and the coming baby. It will be wonderful to have a newborn again.

One thing that has helped me in bonding with my child to be is reading information about it's development and looking at pictures of how far along it has come at this point. I've been trying to share some of my excitement and amazement with T by communicating what I've learned, but I notice she doesn't seem to engage when I talk about my baby the way she does when we talk about almost any other topic. A couple times I've exclaimed things like, "It's such a little person already!" or "I can't believe how far it's developed-- already four inches long!" And she's been polite, but quite vague and non commital in her responses.

So, it occurred to me that T is probably pretty darn pro choice. This would make sense given not only her responses to my comments, but what I know of her political leanings and opinions in general (she's not very blank-slate-ish). She probably thinks of a first trimester embryo/fetus as tissue and not as a baby and maybe has a hard time summoning up much enthusiasm when discussing it. I can get that.

Well, this doesn't make me feel judgementally towards her or think less of her in any way. I understand both sides of the issue (heck, I've *been* on both sides of the issue) and although I am pro life myself, I'm not all self righteous about it (at least I don't think so). If you had asked me before my pregnancy if I cared if I had a T that was pro life or not, I would have thought the question was ridiculous. Even now, the presumed difference of opinion on the issue itself doesn't bother me.

Except. While I can accept T thinking whatever she does about fetuses in general, I find myself illogically possessed of a very strong desire that she think of MY baby as a person. The idea that she might not bugs me. It bugs me a lot and I'm not even sure why. I want her to recognize it's importance. Maybe it's a symbolic manifestation of my desire that she recognize the value of my "inner child" or something?

I guess this could partly be protective mommy hormones or something. I'm just wondering if any of you have perspectives on this as it relates to my therapy, any thoughts to share along those lines, etc?

If I don't think about this it doesn't bother me, but if I do, it does. So should I just not think about it?

Thanks for reading.
HIC