((Cat)) My T's reaction to those kind of disclosures is pretty much like the rest of his reactions. He tends to be more gentle if I am coming from a very young point of view, but most of his focus is on acknowledging and normalizing my feelings around what happened, understanding how this experience ties into what I already know about myself and in what ways it helps me to understand my reactions better, and when the pain is really bad, there is often an expression of sorrow for what I have been through.

Having recovered my memories in my 30s, I've spent a lot of time wondering if I believed myself, let alone if my Ts believed me. I finally asked my present T if he believed me. He started out with a typical turn-it-around T question of "was it important to me whether or not I knew it was exactly true?" Grrrr. But we talked it through and his take was essentially that while the details might be a bit blurry (which for me they are), what I had experienced had been bad, that he had seen a level of terror and pain in me that you do not carry without there having been some abuse. So his belief was based on what he had seen of me. The most helpful thing about his reaction? He seemed a bit shocked I asked.

Take these feelings into therapy and talk about them, even the wondering about being believed.

BTW, the attachment part of therapy is NOT an addiction, it is being dependent enough to learn the developmental steps we should have learned as children, so we can have healthy relationships in which we take responsibility for our own needs, but also feel comfortable making our needs known and asking other people to help meet them. I don't know about you, but that was not a skill set I walked into my Ts office with. As for the 4 years, bwwwahhhahhhhaaaaa come back and talk to me in 24 years and then we'll discuss whether it's been too long.

love, AG

quote:

not to trigger me? Not believed me? Why does this matter so much??

Sorry Cat, realized that there was one other thing I forgot to say. I think it's so important to us that our T believes us, because our perceptions were so messed with as kids. The people who "loved" us and said they were only doing things for our welfare, were in actuality doing really painful, confusing, damaging things to us, so much so that I think we very much struggle with trusting our own beliefs and perceptions. So when we finally start finding our voice and naming the abuse as abuse, there is so much self-doubt that affirmation from the person now standing in our parents place (symbolically) in our lives becomes an important resource in our struggle to trust ourselves.

Thank you (((AG))) I also appreciate the couple of you who had to post/delete due to triggers.

I know this stuff is hard.