((((Cat))))
I really understand why you are facing such difficult feelings after this was raised by your adjunct T... My T suggested that I try to limit contact to sessions and working towards one session a week and I was completely thrown.
Really? You think I'm functioning that well that I can think about reducing contact with you? And then there was a whole of stuff around feeling that I should be done by now, that I'm dragging it out and I'm making it worse than it needs to be...
I think sometimes people say stuff without realising want it will provoke in other people.
I think you're right - you will know when you're ready to think about ending.
I hope you are kind to yourself - I find it really unsettling when someone else's view of me conflicts with where I think I am but I have to remind myself that I am the expert when it comes to me - and you know yourself too...
Just wanted to send a hug xxx

Hey Catalyst

Not sure why Adjunct is even going here - surely she should restrain herself to talking about a timeline for your therapy with her, if anything? Reading this made me mad for you. I feel like it's none of her business what you do with your primary T, and I STRONGLY question whether she is in any position to make or help you make a good assessment about the timeline, or to tell you what you need to learn to do. So there, Adjunct T. Of course you work hard. And you have goals, and you have a right to your goals, and to the opportunity to work for them. I feel like she's maybe accidentally colluding with the part of you that thinks you deserve to be sent away, out of her own cluelessness and/or discomfort with her historical fuck-ups. Sorry, possibly not the desired response here, but I would be very wary of trusting her with this.

xxxxxxxx

(((CAT)))

I would do all the same questioning of myself that you are. It does seem only right that you should be the one who sets the end-date for therapy. It's odd that she brought it up. How old is she? What difference does it make that she only sees her T ocassionally? Maybe her T used that same line on her? I've never worked with somatic T's and so I really don't know what is a normal time frame for that type of therapy? Is it typically open-ended or more short term? It sounds like the same ole, same ole fear of dependency on her part.

Cat, maybe you need to have those 2 connections in order to balance you right now. For a long time, I only had my T. He was the one stable thing in my life I could count on. Now, I've been working since January and it's clear they are not going to fire me. I like the job and I like the people and now I feel like I have two tethers holding me to the earth, grounding me. Having two tethers makes me feel more stable and less dependent upon one. It also helps me feel more secure and like I can branch out even more and perhaps have 3 or 4 tethers. I don't know if that makes sense but who cares if that's what you need in order to feel balanced. You are young and your FOO is far away. You are doing an amazing job in terms of supporting yourself and healing yourself. F her, is what I say. You certainly didn't need that after your last experience.

((((CAT))))

Jones said wanted I wanted to say better than I could have said it. (((Cat))) (((Jones)))

My T always, always tells me that I am welcome to come as long as I wish to. This isn't about you, it's about her.

Also, I thought you might find this helpful: Long term clients by Robin Shapiro

AG

((SP)) ((Iris)) ((Jones)) ((Liese)) ((AG)) ((Draggers))

Sometimes... I really feel like adjunct T is fucking with me. I called my T this weekend to leave a message, just because I was out of sorts with all of this, and I told her... if she is thinking I need to end (and, I don't know if they perhaps talked about this and adjunct T was loose-lipped about it) that I want to work with her to set up an end date. Historically, adjunct T hasn't exactly been... competent. That's why our relationship is more like the one I have with my chiropractor than anything else. It's taken a long time to get removed while feeling safe and having a general sense of trust in the work where there is competency and value (she's one of a very very limited # of T's who do somatic work in the style she does in my city).

It is hitting a sore spot right now, a very tender and sensitive part of me that has been moving toward closeness with my T so that I can process things. Last week, T was talking to me about the frequency of our visits and that maintaining that proximity is what keeps the vulnerability 'open'. She said she'd see me 5 times a week if she could - and in the past we've both wished I could go to a trauma healing center just to get an intense dose of processing done in a safe place. It takes time, but I've been questioning with her also if I'm not working hard enough. I feel like the messages are divergent, but they may be the same... as my T has a way about her that leads me to my own conclusions rather than bluntly and insensitively going about it.


SP - Thank you for the hug I am very shocked, I guess mostly to have my fears validated, those fears being my feelings of inadequancy.

Iris - I like what your T suggested, and that is how I anticipate winding down with my T, I also plan on winding down my medication while in T because I will need assistance with destabilization issues if any come up. The best way for me to change is to go slowly. It is unsettling when someone we trust to sort of 'see' us (at least in some sort of positive way) and they don't see us the way we thought we are.

Jones - Hm, you know I love you, right? I am weary of trusting her, and it's that part of me that feels deserving of being sent away that believes she is right. I wish, if she didn't want to work with me (even in the limited capacity that we are), that I could trust her to say it. I really needed to hear your point of view, because it does make me angry remembering this is coming from someone with a number of "historical fuck-ups". She really doesn't have any say in what I do with my T despite them being a "team".

Liese - My T is in her 50's but in T years she is very young - about 5 years experience (she has related/relevant prior experience in another field). Her T may have used the same line on her, I don't know. I'm also not sure if there is a normal time frame, I believe it's when the client feels ready and the body can regulate on its own easier (that the client is more 'in' their body than outside). It's open ended. I don't think she has a fear of dependency at all, but she is highly unable to deal with negative transference from my experience. She once told me that anyone who didn't like her is generally a narcissist. That's not exactly going to bode well for a client with my attachment issues - I think she'd be a great therapist for someone with a different type of attachment than my own. I do feel better and more secure with two tethers, and both of those tethers do entirely different things for me to the exclusion of the other (neither of them can do both). Thank you for saying F her, you're helping me feel (everyone is) a little angry and self righteous which is helping improve my mood. I'm glad work has become a tether for you! That makes me so happy.

AG - Adjunct did say I could come back... I can't remember very well right now what T has said, but I haven't felt a 'GTFO' vibe from her. I do think breaks will happen as I try to venture off on my own and that I'm always welcome back, I just don't think I'm at the need a break part yet. Especially just being in the hospital about 3 months ago, having a dissociative crisis right now, and the state of my ED is pretty disabling and difficult. It may be about her... I'm thinking maybe I can end the SE work with her to start another type of adjunct like Equine (my T has mentioned) but I can't set a day that is going to be done w/o my actual T helping me there. Edited to add Thank you for that link! I recognize the article. I know what category I'm probably in, sadly. I truly hope there is some joy in working with long term clients. What was said about a date and how I reacted, in a way makes me feel as though I'm being there long on purpose and I'm afraid to go. If it may not be time to go, it depends when I speak to T on Tuesday and get her thoughts... either way this is digging at wounds, and it hurts. T will go slower with me, if it has been a treatment decision, or at least work with me.

Draggers - That sounds reasonable... gives me time

RT - I cross posted with you. You are right about Adjunct not being able to make all (or sometimes ANY) of my treatment decisions. She's always seemed process oriented, but her other type of therapy (DBT) is task oriented. I'm also a long standing client of hers at this point, and she may be getting sh** from the other Ts at the treatment center (I'm not sure). Her rationale, from what I could gather... was that I was showing signs of being strong enough to go very soon... I won't know if it's about her or me because she isn't reliable there... relationally speaking she is not skilled and I can't really take anything she says too seriously though I really do right now because i'm sensitive on the subject. I do think Ts challenge us... mine certainly have and continue to... I've been thinking about being done since before I went to my first therapy session, now is the first time I'm scared and thinking okay I've FINALLY got a clean footing and now as soon as I take one step on the mountain instead of processing the scenery and the climb we're not even stopping for lunch and just heading right back down. With EDs the therapy does not tend to be short lived (and that is her specialty, in addition to the type of modality she uses). I don't know... sigh

CAT

I'm so confused. Is this the same somatic T you left some months back?

I'm confused too. Can someone help me understand what an adjunct T is? Do the two T's work together on a treatment plan? If so, who is the "leader"? Was adjunct T suggesting you just be done with her or both T's?

Liese - Yes, the one and only. Unfortunately both the treatment center AND my T there are the only people who do what they do in my area with enough experience. The other place I tried was a nightmare.

RM - Yes, I have two Ts who work together. My adjunct specializes in an area that my primary ("leader" T) does not. They, and I work together, along with my psychiatrist. The T who is "in charge" can be decided between the care givers, I see her most often, and do all of my other work outside of 1 thing (my ED) with her. My adjunct (extra) T sends all her notes to my primary, etc.

Hollow - I swear on my life she said that! Exceptionally full of herself at times... and has made some huge errors, huge, she is dangerous and terminally bad at working on transference - it took a while and some control on my part to move out relationship to being more like a massage therapist.
I looked tirelessly for a new adjunct (who specializes and who would work in a 'team' - both my Ts don't traditionally work in teams and many therapists do not like working that way). I still look and am on a waiting list for another T at my ED treatment center. If she wants to end it will be annoying but livable... To say ALL my therapy should be done was really triggering A lot because I'm not sure if her and my main T discusses that and she told me "too soon".

quote:

I feel like she's maybe accidentally colluding with the part of you that thinks you deserve to be sent away,

This. Reading all your answers about adjunct T in this thread made all my warning bells start ringing. I wonder whether she is just not very good at recognising when she is being pulled into an enactment or stopping her own stuff from being out in the room and interfering with her judgement. Also, Ts who make definitive, black and white statements make my hair stand on end.

Can you bring this to your other T to discuss?

Personally I think it's completely inappropriate for adjunct T to be commenting on your readiness to finish all your therapy. I feel indignant and angry duck on your behalf and want to tell her to get stuffed!

quote:

I wonder whether she is just not very good at recognising when she is being pulled into an enactment or stopping her own stuff from being out in the room and interfering with her judgement.

This would accurately describe her. I do not do relational work with her (as much as humanly possible) because she does this a lot. I had to ask her once to stop making assumptions about how I feel or what I think... she said she'd work on it (!?). Then later, I was having some transference about something and she says "You told me not to assume what you are thinking because you don't like it, so don't do it to me". My primary T is still okay with me working with her, for a variety of complicated reasons - it's sort of a safe way to process my general relationship w/ my own mother. I take my transference to T and we work on it while I maintain a distant relationship... that being said, it's very hard. I plan to bring my T in to discuss this on Tuesday, when she's back from vacation. I KNOW... I KNOW I KNOW KNOW KNOW adjunct T has a serious history of sucking, and seems to perpetually hurt my feelings to the point I'm not sure if she's fucking with me for fun sometimes (more Mom transference there). The topic is so sensitive right now because of what I was processing already in my real therapy. So it's become a much more painful issue because it hits on something I think my T may believe, too.

That was very irresponsible of your adjunct T. I agree with what others have said, and what you yourself have said. She does not seem to do well with relational, transferential issues. I'm sorry you keep getting hurt, over and over by her....seems like by her incompetence (at least in relational stuff). I would definitely talk to your T this week about it. I would be very surprised if this was a decision they had discussed without you and adjunct T let it out prematurely. I think this has everything to do with adjunct T. You get to decide when you're done with therapy. Not the other way around.

Just wanted to say thanks to AG for posting the Robin Shapiro link. Interesting reading.

Getting anxious about seeing my T tomorrow. I sort of want to run away from my life right now, I'm just at a loss.

erica - I know getting hurt is kinda my own fault, it would be nice to work out these relational issues with her... but as it is with many relationships (family or work anyway) sometimes you can't work it out with them because they can't and/or don't want to. So, I'm learning how to work out myself with boundaries. It's masochistic, I know. I feel horrible to be so triggered. Just given my past it's really messing with my brain as to whether it is about her or I'm just a horrible person. I assume no one here would call me horrible, it's an inside myself thing. Ugh. thank you for helping me think this stuff out.

Hollow - I hope, hope, hope you are right. I don't even know if I can go tomorrow... I just don't want to walk in there carrying this shame, it will help though, I keep telling myself that I'm getting more scared as the time to see her creeps closer. It's okay to have violent thoughts toward adjunct T, I've had them myself... and talked to my T about it but yea... there's been more than a few times I've imagined throwing her off a cliff (since I'm such a narcissistic bastard ).

T today gave me some relief today saying that I will know when I'm done and gave examples of how long she has seen her 'trauma people' and how often she sees them and it helped me with relief. She also explained that if she felt I was delaying recovery be to sustain the relationship that she doesn't see me doing that but she works through it and brings it up if that is the case. My T is truly valuable and gifted. I have to try to trust her on this. She said she did not have a conversation with adjunct T about when I would be done and that calmed me. I'm starting to dissociate pretty significantly right now so I will update more later, my mind feels like its being stirred all of a sudden. Tomorrow I see adjunct and T suggested I process this somatic with her (how my body feels) its hard. Anyway panicking that she hates me lol I just realized its distressing to talk about my T right now. No idea why. Anyway xo

Cat.

I'm sorry you are going through this... You do body work? I always wondered about that.. is it another T you go to?