HBShadow,

Maybe he was just trying to get you to think. He doesn't sound like the type, from the little you've described, who would terminate you. To me it sounds like you really want to be in therapy and IMO, that's a good enough reason to be there. You will change when you are ready to change. It doesn't sound like he puts pressure on you to change, does he?

There can be a long stage in therapy that involves not change but trust building. It sounds like you are in that stage still. He wouldn't really expect change during that stage and that stage can last a couple of years.

Can you call and/or text and/or email for clarification if it's still bothering you quite a bit?



Liese

Hi HBShadow,
Boy, I recognize that flurry of emotions, and I feel for you. My therapist sometimes asks me questions that seem odd on the surface, but he actually is trying to provoke me to think a little deeper than I have been. I guess he can tell when I'm being emotionally lazy - I want him to TELL me everything, not make me have to think and come up with answers on my own!
So could your T be possibly just trying to get you to reflect on anything in particular, or maybe to refocus on what you want out of therapy?
My T has actually published research on successful therapy vs. "unsuccessful," and found that staying focused OVERALL (detours are inevitable) was key.
Anyway, just a thought. I would think that if he knows your termination concerns, that he wouldn't have meant anything along that line.
Maybe a quick note would help alleviate your fears?

Best wishes,
Starry

HBShadow,
I don't have much to add but if you're able to e-mail, text or only call maybe that would be a good idea. I was feeling that way but T told me "didn't recall thinking about terminating me", I was distorting stuff I presume. Best to clarify rather than worrying.
Good luck,
Hopeful

Thank you so much guys. I was (still am) so so so so upset. But you gave me the courage to email him and he actually responded and said that terminating me hadn't entered his mind. I am so afraid of him giving up. Like my last T did. I am afraid I'll give up, but even more I am afraid T will give up. But for now...it seems I am still ok. He won't ask me to leave yet. I just want him to help me. But thank you so much for your support - I wouldn't have been able to email him if someone didn't tell me it would be ok...and then I never would have gotten his answer that he wasn't dumping me yet. He says I have as long as I want/need...but all my T's said that. It is true, only until it stops being true.

Argh I’ve come too late to your thread HB – I wrote out this post below but had to go do something else and didn’t send it in time. I’m posting it anyway because I wanted to let you know that other people WERE thinking of you and wanting to support you.

“HB it sounds like you’re running away with what is probably a totally innocuous comment by your T (though I get SO well how you have ended up feeling this way – the number of times my T has said something that I’ve interpreted fearfully and negatively simply because of MY fears are legion!)

Having said that his comment was vague enough that it’s easy to see how it could be interpreted to mean, well are you BETTER now or what? Having a hidden agenda.

I like Starry’s and Hopeful’s suggestions that maybe you could contact him before your next session and ask him what he meant, and say how his question is making you feel. Sounds like you’re having a really hard time with it right now so why put yourself through more pain if you can get it resolved sooner .

If you don’t have out of session contact, I hope that your next session is really soon, this is not something that you can resolve without input from him. Fingers crossed for you that he didn’t at all mean what you fear he meant.”

Added: well done you for contacting him and that’s great that he was able to reassure you he wasn’t thinking of terminating you .

For what it’s worth I relate very much to your comment about all T’s having said that to you and it’s true, only until it stops being true . Makes you constantly expect the hammer to fall and very easy then to read things into what T says that isn’t really what he means. I guess the only thing to do is keep bringing how you feel about it to session time after time after time, checking and double checking (that’s what I do anyhow). Is he ok with your fears and does he take them seriously? Sounds like he’s at least not dismissing your fears out of hand.

I’m glad you feel so much better now .

LL

Thank you so much Liese, Starrynights, hopeful and Lamplighter (who was NOT too late at all!!) Thank you for understanding my fears are very real for me and for making me feel like what I felt mattered since you took the time to respond. It means a lot to me to have someone "care" and I will hold your advice close for when something like this happens again. It is so much better to admit to T you are hurt, so T can help to fix it.