She did not actually disappeared (well I hope so...).

Rationally: I went back home for one month, was allowed to email once a week for the first two weeks, and then she knew she would be away for one week but did not exactly knew when, so it was blurry, but I was to email her once to plan the next appointment/touch base. If she was on vacation I would get the automatic absence email.
The first two weeks went okay email wisely, I was not even too upset about the vacation (since I had had a BIG scare about not being able to come back at all from my home country, one month seemed short compared to an eternity). And then... the third week I sent an email (one week ago)... and did not get any reply, neither an actual reply, nor any automatic reply (and yes, I checked the spam folder approximately 200 times, it is not in it).
So, rational brain says there was probably a problem with the automatic setting (or she set it to start on one day and I emailed 1 hour before, or whatever technical explanation... ), she will come back later.

My feelings are not on board with that:
1) maybe she secretly hates me and therefore decided not to answer
2) or she simply does not care
3) she never cared
4) she was killed by a running moose and I will never know about it
5) she just *disappeared*, like that, no story or anything, she is just gone. Maybe I only ever imagined her.

I just... feel a void. An emptiness, and a vague, but present everywhere, feeling of being abandoned, left alone, forever, forgotten in a dark corner. The complete non-answer, no reaction is exactly that: I am alone.

"Frightened Me" tried to "find" her. I googled her, methodically, for hours, so that I could find every document available from when she was a student, from even before she started studying to be a T. Not much, nothing compromising, but more than what a simple google search would have given me. I saved it all. I read some papers she had written, once upon a time. I borrowed the books quoted in it. I feel guilty, but... it is the only connection I can find? ... And the rational part of me knows I will have to tell her and it will be painful.

Also, I don't really know what to do. I could send another email, to see if I get the automatic reply. But... I'm afraid of being too demanding, and that she gets irritated to see that I wrote again. Especially since Rational Me sort of knows that it is unlikely she got abducted by aliens... What would you do?