I really don't know. I would be trapped in the same spot you are. T once said he saw a car broke down going the other direction and worried it was me and almost stopped and checked to help me. It wasn't me. It made me feel cared for that he would think of me in that sort of a situation, but also a bit panicked about that concept. I wonder if others here who have had more than one T or worked with their Ts for years would give better advice. If only because I'd like to see you take it easy on yourself, if it doesn't feel too strange, I'd say it's OK to accept...

I'd say if it feels right to you, and you are just worried about your therapists feelings in it, then you should take her up on it. It's up to your therapist to look after herself and her boundaries and if she is o.k with it, then great But, If YOU feel uncomfortable or strange about it then I'd say no. It's about you and your boundaries at the end of the day, and what feels right for you.

If I was to put myself in your shoes though, and give you my personal opinion, I'd be very uncomfortable, but that would be more to do with my own issues, and the struggles I have with allowing people help me out. I find it difficult to accept help from anyone else because I've had to be very independant my whole life really. So if you were similar to me, and this was more the reasons you felt weird about it, I would suggest talking this through in therapy, it might be a way to work through these issues in a nice healthy way.

Jane, this is a tough one. I do agree, though, that your T has likely weighed the possible outcomes of offering this piece of help to you, and is able to handle whatever becomes of it. In your position, it sounds like she is truly just wanting to help out a bit, knowing that it is not a permanent thing, just a temporary help.

If it were me, I'd likely be giddy with child-like excitement to see the inside of my Ts car, to be in the car with her for a whole 10 minutes (what radio station is on her radio when she turns on the car?) and for her to see where I live. The adult in me would then silence the curious and giddy child in me, and rationalize that there are two options - I can say no, and my short, 10 minute ride becomes twice that long thanks to public transportation, or I can graciously say yes, thank you, and maturely handle the short drive home, appreciating that my T is going the extra mile to be helpful when I most need the help. (and then I'd get home and journal every single thing I remembered about the drive, her car, her music, etc)

Jane, just wondering how your evening worked out? Hope that whatever you decided it was helpful!

(((JD)))

Jane,

I agree with what the others have said. Curious what you decided. Thinking of you. (((hugs)))

Thanks for the reassurance everyone. Sorry it has taken me awhile to get back to this. I wanted to see how it went. I did "give in" (my words) and accepted my T's ride home on Tuesday night after my session. It was weird being in her car, for a moment, and then it just felt good to have an easy way home. It was sweet and helped. I wondered if it would be weird or anything to see her today, and it was totally ok. Well, it was an intense session, but for unrelated reasons. She's really being cool about giving me space. She also really does really deeply care about me - which freaks me out - but hey, of all the problems to have... I guess it's not so bad. Thanks everyone for the feedback. It helped me feel a lot more ok about this one time help from my T. I think she liked it to. No, I know she did - she said so! She said it felt good to help with more than just words. I told her she helps with more than words - her presence and acceptance - all the time! She smiled.


Yaku ~ yeah, I'm learning, slowly but surely to be a bit easier on myself and try to admit that yeah, I need help, and even more, to accept it, from the people in my life off-line.

Confused ~ Thanks - you make a great point. I really only have to be concerned about what works within my boundaries. You are right too about talking about it. My T and I did talk about it a little more before I accepted. I made it clear I only wanted it one time, and I wanted her to not be mad or something if I did accept it.

DF ~ Yeah, my boss has offered me a ride too - and that's a good example. I do say no when I want to, and I say no even when I want to say yes I'm good at "no" and my T is good at making sure I feel ok to say no... ah, she is good at accepting me and meeting me where I am at. I think I am learning to say yes. So I did say yes. It is kind of like a phone call in terms of contact.

btw, I am looking into what you said about the medical transport. My insurance DOES actually offer that - go fig. I think that would be a helpful thing right now for me. Good idea! Thanks!

R2G ~ [QUOTE] (and then I'd get home and journal every single thing I remembered about the drive, her car, her music, etc)

Yes, I tried to maturely accept - and sort of succeded, and then yes, had a very hard time not noting every little detail! I was in *her* car... eh, it was kinda fun. And it did make for an easier way home.

STRM - thanks so much for your support and thoughts.

~ jane

(((Jane))) Glad you were able to accept your T's offer, that it felt safe, and that it relieved some of the stress of getting around right now. It's so nice when we have those moments where we can accept that our Ts genuinely enjoy or like helping us, giving us their care. It's very rare that I can get myself to believe it, but it is an amazing (yet scary) feeling to receive.

((((((((JD))))))),

quote:

Originally posted by janedoe:
Yes, I tried to maturely accept - and sort of succeded, and then yes, had a very hard time not noting every little detail! I was in *her* car... eh, it was kinda fun. And it did make for an easier way home.
~ jane

I am happy for you and proud that you accepted the ride home from your T! I too would have been making all kinds of mental notes about everything in her car as well!

quote:

She said it felt good to help with more than just words. I told her she helps with more than words - her presence and acceptance - all the time! She smiled.

Sounds like it was a nice "gift" for both of you! I'm so glad you were able to accept the ride Jane!!

Hey Jane,

I meant to reply to this sooner, but I just wanted to say that I think it is wonderful that your T offered you a ride and even more wonderful that you felt comfortable enough to accept the ride. I think it says a lot about the level of trust between the two of you.

My experience is a little different. Happened last night when I arrived for my appointment.
Apparently my T was having a real craving for his afternoon Dunkin Donuts coffee. I was standing outside and he came out of the building and said, "take a ride with me"
He seemed on a mission. So he and I and his dog jumped into his van, rode a few blocks, we began to discuss how I was doing, he went through the drive through, asked if I wanted something, I declined, and off we went back to his office. The whole ride took 10 minutes.
We were doing something normal together.
I have to say I felt weird, but I loved it.
I felt like I was seeing some of the real person he is. I understand why he aske me to go with him. He didn't want to be rude to me by asking me to wait for him while he got "coffee". Afterall, I was exactly on time. He spent more time with me at the end of our session. Anything wrong with this? I got a kick out of it. Dont think it was inappropriate, just funny. He really had to get his caffeine fix I guess.

While I can appreciate how wonderful and exhilerating the "realness" of this kind of exchange would feel- yes- but Masimo, I have to say I am really scared for you. Your session (that you pay for!) is *not* to be used for your therapist going to get coffee that *he* needs. He should be there, at the time that he has scheduled to meet with you, professionally and totally focused on you during that time, otherwise he will give you false hopes of going for more "rides with him," that will delay your treatment and cause you much worse pain than before therapy began. He sounds like a nice guy and real guy- but gosh, he's your therapist, not your "bud." eeeek. This is the kind of treatment most of us went through in childhood- parents/teachers, and "wiser others" who did not take their responsibility to us seriously enough, but chose to put their own needs to feel real, to feel "cool" first, despite very serious obligations to us. You don't need to relive that. It hurt enough the first time. (((((Masimo))))) My heart goes out to you.

*just my opinion*

BB

Well, I never had any childhood issues with rejection or abuse
to be hurt by.

He did spent a half an hour longer with me so I didn't feel he was cutting into my T time. I have no expectation this will ever happen again. It was just done matter of fact, like something normal...cant explain.

hmmm. It *may* be ok. I don't know your history, really. I can't be sure of course, but the fact that you are posting about it and asking, seems to indicate some discomfort with it yourself?

quote:

I have to say I felt weird, but I loved it.

I wonder, why did it feel weird? ( can completely understand why you would love it- anybody would!)

I'm sincerely not trying to hurt you here...I'm just wondering, if it is not a problem for you, and you feel totally ok with it- then there must be some other reason for your asking about it here? I would be less worried if you posted it as a story and were just laughing about it, but you seem concerned yourself, or you would not feel weird about it- and I think you have a right to be concerned. How long have you been in therapy with him?

((((hugs))))

BB

I had a therapist in college that I rode in the car with once. She drove me to Planned Parenthood to take me to a doctor's appointment to see if I was pregnant. It turned out I wasn't, but she came into the appointment with me and held my hand when I got the results. It was a little weird, but I appreciated that she was flexible with her boundaries and offered to come with me.

I sort of want to go on a field trip with T2 to a restaurant or grocery store. I wonder if she would be open to it. Her boundaries are very rigid. I have anxiety issues with food so I think it could be healing to do some exposure therapy with her. It might be a little weird riding in the car though. I mean, I guess we'd have to pretty much just keep it to small talk and not get into anything really heavy.

I think it is nice of your T to offer that.

It is unusual to be offered a lift whilst one's T goes to get coffee, but it the t is a good T, there might be reasons that the T thought of that it would be a GOOD idea to do that, ie help you see him as a normal person. Also make you feel at ease. I guess only time will tell, like how you and he work together and how you look back on it, in years to come.

Also I liked the T who offered a lift home, that was a real act of kindness and I am glad that it was accepted. Yea.