have to add something (typical..)
I cancelled my session today. I have NEVER, not once, done that before. I hatet doing it. I think the above-stuff might have caused that (stupid) decition, because i`been thinking about this so much the last days while i was at home. Hmm..

Hi Frog... I know exactly how you feel and I'm sorry I have no solution for you. My old T has terminated me in a harsh and abrupt way and hurt me very badly and I still think of him as much as I did when I was seeing him twice weekly. Of course, I also miss him terribly and yearn to be near him again. I always felt so much better when I was with him or talking to him (until the bitter end) and thoughts of him in my head used to calm me, give me confidence, make me smile, make me know that there was someone who believed in me, who wanted the best for me and was there when I got scared or something bad would happen.

I think your T may be in your head all the time for a number of reasons too. I think when you have him there you feel good and calm and cared for. He makes you feel good so why not think of him? And maybe at other times you are hearing his "internalized" voice and it helps you to cope with life.

Maybe your T does not tell you about this because maybe he does not quite understand it himself. Sometimes a T will sit there and look all wise and knowing and mysterious and they don't have any freaking idea of what is going on but they make us think that they do LOL. And so we tell ourselves that they don't want to share this info with us or that they don't feel we are ready etc etc. Reality is that they don't know what the heck to tell us!

I'm sorry this is probably not helping you at all and I should stop rambling. These are just some thoughts I have on this subject.

BTW, if you find out how to stop thinking of T, how to stop missing him or how to not want to be with him 24/7 please let me know because I'm NOT having any fun here. Strange though... I don't think of newT all the time like this....

As for cancelling your appointment... you definitely need to talk to your T about why you felt you needed to do that because now the thinking of him issue is affecting other things too.

Hugs to you
TN

Why? This is what they call transference I suppose.
Will it ever fade away? I understand that no, it will never fade away, but it will become unconscious.
And this is all good news

quote:

BTW, if you find out how to stop thinking of T, how to stop missing him or how to not want to be with him 24/7 please let me know because I'm NOT having any fun here.

Add me to the list. I would love a solution. I don't want to be rid of the thoughts of my T, because the thought of him feels so good to me, but I am like obsessed. I feel exactly like my kids did when they were teeny infants, to be honest, it's like they are obsessed with mommy, always looking for you, and if you don't come right away, they cry until you pick them up...as long as you are holding them close, they are fine, but never, ever put them down or their world caves in. Same for me, Froggy, I think all the time of my T, and can't stop or control it, he is just always, always there...I'm always wishing to be in his presence, waiting for that, once I am, I am fine but then he is gone again for weeks...

Also the feelings are less intense and painful since it has been such a long time, a year and a half I've had them every moment of every day. The same as you. Sometimes it gets worse again, and then settles back down to a more dull kind of constant pain.
What is it? I do not know. I do not know why they won't explain. Mine says it is a longing for nurturing love. That's about all I can get out of him. I do not know if there is ever a "solution." I thought at first this would "break" in time. But it doesn't seem to.

I agree with TN, you must talk about all these feelings with your T, and journal them, and share them as much as possible. I think it might be the way forward. I too fight the impulse to cancel constantly because of this. I have a session coming up on Monday, and feeling hopeless like canceling again. Please let me know if you come up with anything with your T on this problem. I am thinking of you- I'm sorry it is so hard.

Giant hugs,

BB

Hi, Amazon...nice to see you!

I think it is both normal and typical. It is unsettling at times for sure though! I hope that you are able to talk to your T about your reasons for canceling your session. Please keep us posted. (((hugs)))

Really, no soluition for this folks?

TN, Amazon, Bebs, STMS- thanks each one of you.

NT- let me say i do have read your story and it is abseloutly terrible and tragic... Its beyond my imagination, te be terminated like you did, and its a shame that it could happen in 2010. I now you neither thought this was possible.. NT- i am sorry you still think of T so much, do you think newT will start interferring your thoughts? maybe after some time "replace" some of the thoughts that old T still have..? I hope so.

quote:

I think your T may be in your head all the time for a number of reasons too. I think when you have him there you feel good and calm and cared for. He makes you feel good so why not think of him? And maybe at other times you are hearing his "internalized" voice and it helps you to cope with life.

quote:

true, true. I hear his "voice" and make conversations with him- i love it- but a lot of the time i do feel burdened by all the thinking of him.. I find it hard to seperate the times when it only feels good, and when i am tired of always thinking of him. Its all mixed up in a rare intens way..

quote:

Sometimes a T will sit there and look all wise and knowing and mysterious and they don't have any freaking idea of what is going on but they make us think that they do LOL. And so we tell ourselves that they don't want to share this info with us or that they don't feel we are ready etc etc.

quote:

LOL, thats exactly what i have accused T for doing- not telling me because i must be..eh..not ready? Not capable of handle the info? Too young? gosh..THIS IS SUCH AN OLD BATTLE WITH T. I ask him to tell me what the "answer" is,(due to his mystic all-knowing look) he tell me he dosnt know, and there you go..
Thanks so much NT! Hang in there!

Beebs, i know you can relate. Sorry. -I know. I think (i are in fact pretty sure that) time is on our side. That with time, the thoughts wull change..slowly. I guess i have to start express my self more clear to T about this, how often i think of him etc., in order to let him at least help me to accept this and maybe (just maybe) come up with some good ideas/advices.. (which i will bring back to forum, and pass on to you guys that also struggle with this-.
I seriously think it will pass and fade away, this passionate/intens feelings. Bebs, why do you wanna cancell the session- because of this issue you said?

Amazon- (hey- nicce to see you, thanks for dropping in here!)you`re propbably right about the transeference- I do wonder about your mystic comment:

quote:

it will never fade away, but it will become unconscious.

quote:

What does that mean? It sound nice yet mystic?...

Ok, i have to run now to make my session! Thanks for all thoughts and sharings!

latest news: i basically asked T in my session now: "I am still thinking of you all the time, why is this so...?"

(and i had to battle his "i dont know"-answer with a "it doesnt matter, maybe your answer is good enough for me anyway!" so, i pushed him to answer and not just drag some thoughts out of my foggy head)

The answer wasnt all what i expectetd, no general answer about this, T started to summarize my whole life, to the point i started seing him for therapy, and hes speech ended with a "..so, that might be an explanation...?"

The subtext of it was basically just about the "safety" stuff. Tell me if your T`s would say something smart about this, and explains it differently and with more general terms!

Hi there Frog ... I have to say I agree with your T ..... If you think about it, your mind has no where to go to get away from pain ... you can move your hand away from a hot stove ... but how do you get your mind away from pain??

I realized this one night ... I was in so much pain and I realized that I kept trying to move away from the pain .... but I couldn't get away from the pain because the pain was coming from inside me ....

The brain is an amazing thing .... and it is probably much safer for you right now to spend your mental time with your T .... at least that's what I think I do ....

Good point Liese, thanks for sharing that one. almost like a filosophers approach to it. Yes, the brain is really amazing, i agree, despite all the trouble it "causes"..hehe.

Draggers- oh, your in this sh** too? Sorry..and the thought of your oldT has last for years??! thats not good news here. yet- i am glad you`re here to join the club! I bet there is still a bunch of members here on forum, whom should be counted in here.. Do you think of your current T with some of the same intensity? I am just curious about how this works...i have tendet to think, that *if* i saw a new shrink, i would perhaps attache just the same way, as i dit with my T.. become obsesed with the new one too? hmm..maybe i am wrong about this... Seems like both you and NT- (i dont compare-) both only think about the oldT... Maybe there is only "room" for one at time.. so, draggers- doesnt your T knows about any of these thoughts you have about oldT?? How do you manage NOT to tell your T? i would feel like exploding if i didnt tell anyone..

ops, looks like i am only answering all this with new questions here- thanks again everyone!

Sorry frog .. don't mean to hijack .... but dragonfly, how do you know your old T reads here .... ??? And would she know your screen name? I haven't told my T I'm coming on here for precisely that reason ... i don't want him reading the stuff I write ..... But he seems too busy, like he wouldn't really have the time .... but one never knows, does one?

draggers- hope your session went good?
Lol- indeed i am confused.. 2shrinks, and one of them is reading here? wow.. thats..does T knows you are draggers? I would freak ot if my T was reading about my stuff here. I know for sure he doesnt though- he hardly manage to use his own ceellphone... seriously.

Yeah, i bet you right that its only room for one.. thats how i feel it too. Its not even big ENOUGH!!lol. Yet, i was tryin to convince myself that *maybe* one day, i would be able to make that room bigger, in a way,.. that would be a lot more healthy.

Liese- cross posting here, looks like we both had some questions here for draggers! btw, you are very welcome to join the conversation!

So funny frog .... thanks for letting me join in ... you seem so wise .... It sounds like you have a really nice T ... I like the way he explains things to you ....

I'm thinking though, that with the brain and you thinking about your T all the time that it's a matter of physics - not philosophy .... I'm guessing things feel good with your T ... and where would you rather spend your time? Feeling good with your T or in reality? Reality bites lots of times! sorry to be so down .... I think I also saw a post from AG or maybe I read it somewhere that T's actually want us thinking about them all the time because it facilitates the therapeutic process .... and yes, I do remember AG posting something about, like the good feelings and interactions with T will eventually fill our minds and we will be able to draw on it during times when they are not with us ... just as if we HAD won the parent lottery ..... does that make sense?

Liese- yes, that makes sense..i would love to read that particular thread- It was AG`s but do you remember the name of it?

"because it facilitates the therapeutic process"- this sounds like music in my ears, i`d love to hear more about the postive effects of all this obsessive thoughts of T. Thanks again for sharing with me Liese, you have a nice "edge" at it, that i appreaciate! Yes,, indeed my T is good..you`no -sometimes i wish he was rather less good, because that would stop some of this yearning, i guess. Dunno. i have no qlue really when it comes to all this..