You aren't alone, my T is on vacation too

I wrote him an e-mail (which I didn't send) that when I re-read it sounded like I was alternating between a three year old throwing a temper tantrum and a teenage angst love letter.

Why can't I take a vacation from me when he does?

Haha, anyway, hang in there

Is August the magic month for all Ts to go on vacation. Mine is leaving in a week and will be gone 11 days. I told him I was having trouble with his going on vacation and leaving me. Of course I felt like an idiot confessing this to him. I told him that the adult side of me understands that he needs to get away and he deserves to rest and relax but the little girl side of me is afraid he won't come back or he will be different when he comes back and she wants to hold onto his leg and scream "Please don't leave me, I'm scared". He smiled at me and said that is perfectly reasonable way for a little girl to feel.

We have been dealing with some seriously heavy stuff in the last two weeks... stuff that I have not really touched yet in an emotional way and I'm terrified my brain will decide to finally go there when he's gone and out of touch and I will be alone to deal with this and I will break into tiny pieces that even he won't be able to put back together. Although that is probably remote because I can already feel myself going into shutdown mode where I will just sit here and wait for him in a totally frozen and numb state. He took his vacation last year at the same time and I also had a difficult week and sent him an email explaining what was going on. He never responded and when he got back he told me he didn't have email access and that I should have called him as it was an important issue. While I needed to make that connection with him I didn't feel it was important enough to take him away from vacation to talk to me. I felt email was less instrusive.

Of course the other terribly hard thing to deal with about his being away is that he is with his family ... something I cannot and never be part of. They are getting the parts of him that I can never have access to and that brings me to mindbending grief.

So River and Heather I can totally sympathize with you and understand your feelings. I don't really have a solution except to keep posting her and know that you are with people who care and who understand.

TN

Mine is currently gone as well...for 3 weeks or so. I miss him a lot and look forward to seeing him again though dread it also as it was be so painful and short-lived. I cannot cry at the moment and it kills me for some reason...he is the only one who can make me tearful and even then it's not crying the way I feel I need to.

The erotic part of the relationship is continuing though, i fantasize about him a lot and allow myself to do it...don't know if that's a good or bad thing. I also have big decisions to make and am holding back as I want him to make them for me.

However...the time on my own has allowed me to try and process my feelings and thoughts on certain things...I have a lot of questions for him when he comes back though as usual I will probably chicken out when I actually see him!!!

Wish everyone who is missing their T all the best and hope you feel free to post on here if you're feeling down or up or whatever..I'll try to answer as often as I can even if it's only drivel

Thank you all for posting - it is nice to know I am not alone, not that I am happy that you all are suffering as well.

T suggested before she left that I do something special for myself during our regular session times while she is gone. I haven't come up with any ideas. Has anyone done this? What did you do?

I keep wondering what she is doing and where she is. I didn't ask where she is going on purpose so that I wouldn't be thinking about it too much but I still am. But I do think that not knowing is easier because having less fodder for my imagination does keep it from being able to go too far down that path even though it keeps trying to.

I gave her a brief note to read later at our last session and she said that she would take it with her. I thought that was so nice. It is comforting to know that she isn't on vacation to get away from me and isn't trying to put me completely out of her mind for two weeks. It feels good to know a little something of me is with her since a lot of her is always with me. Makes it all feel a little more balanced. I talked to her not too long ago about the unbalanced nature of our relationship and how difficult it can be. One thing she said that has totally stuck with me and has made a huge difference is that the attachment goes both ways. She is just as attached to me as I to her but our level of dependency upon the other is completely different. She said that she didn't really understand how it worked until she became a parent and being one myself I can see it. I am as attached to my daughter as she is to me but whereas she is dependent upon me to help her get what she needs to thrive and grow I don't have that sort of dependence at all upon her. I don't think my T is "re-parenting" me exactly, but knowing that she is ok with being attached to me made it a whole lot easier to accept and foster my attachment to her. Of course it also makes me miss her more.

quote:

One thing she said that has totally stuck with me and has made a huge difference is that the attachment goes both ways. She is just as attached to me as I to her but our level of dependency upon the other is completely different.

River,
I can't thank you (and your T) enough for that statement about the attachment. Because the dependency runs one way, I think I've always subconsciously assumed that the attachment also ran only one way despite what my T has said to the contrary. This understanding and especially using the analogy of being a parent gives me a very comforting grip on this truth. I especially appreciate it right how because I'm four weeks into a five week gap and I emailed my T on Friday and haven't heard back (I'm not completely sure what kind of access he has to email right now.) We have an ongoing family crisis going on right now some aspects of which are triggering me and I'm REALLY missing my T. I'm trying not to get frustrated with myself over taking his absence so hard. Part of the feeling pathetic is spending so much time thinking about someone when I feel like I'm so unimportant. But I'm not unimportant or forgotten, I'm just not as needed. I think I can live with that. Thanks for sharing that.

AG

I read somewhere a joke about the fact that August is a really bad time to be in crisis, because there are no mental health professionals to be found

River, my T does usually tell me where he's going, although I never ask. Your right, it can certainly fuel the imagination!

I'm usually at work if we don't have a session. Many times I'll end up writing him a short letter or something in my journal. Let some of those pent up thoughts out. It helps some.

Hi River,

When my T was gone for 4 weeks, I wrote in my journal during our regular therapy time. It was nothing special, but made me feel connected since I knew she was going to read it when she came back. Of course, the entire time she was gone I wrote in my journal a lot more than usual.

OW

Hi All, Have been reading about your feelings about the absence of your vacationing Ts. I have been missing mine for a year since she retired (after 10 years together)...very painful. It is not overwhelming, but just won't go away. I do have a new T...I like her, but am reserved, because I do not want another painful attachment...we do talk about this and maybe some good will come of it. They are both very different, both in appearance and methods, and it has been a revelation to me to see there is a more modern approach to therapy. I think I like it better. My daughter says I have to put on my big girl panties and get over it...wish it were that easy! Thanks for listening, Luna

It is only the end of day 3. I am cranky. Of course tonight I would have had a session but instead I was home with my D trying to decipher this convoluted game that she was making up and wanted me to play. H was gone all evening. I tried knitting some which usually makes me happy but I can't seem to get in the groove even though I am starting an interesting new project. I did think about T less today than over the weekend because thankfully I am still gainfully employed through at least the end of the week.

So, no "big girl panties" being worn over here. I am whiny and cranky and disappointed. Methinks it is nighty-night time for this little girl!

Hey River...I know the restless feeling. Been moping around this forum today looking for something to cling on to since my T is gone for 2 weeks and has over another week to go.The thing is is that I'm looking forward so much to the session but I know when I get in there the time will fly and I'll come out and feel helpless again. And I have a big work thing due next Wednesday so I can't even look forward to the session without being reminded of the stressed I'm going to have to endure first.

What's more, I need to make a big decision about college and whether or now I'm gonna take a year out. Time's running out and all this back and forth stuff in my head is driving me nuts. I want my T to sort it but really I know that I have to do it myself. It's just that i'm unsure what to do. I find making decisions for myself nigh impossible as I am continuously seeking other peoples approval and acceptance of whatever I do. The slightest sign of disapproval and I want to back out. That makes it very hard to figure out what I want to do myself.

Apologies for blabbing on there....just wanting to say that you're not alone River and I hope you find something to distract you.

River... I understand how you feel when nothing helps you to feel better and you just miss your T... the worst time is "session" time when you are not there. It's like my body gets into this rhythm and it knows when I'm not in session and I should be. You can vent, whine, yell, complain etc all you want here. We get it. The only things that seem to help me is to keep busy and try to do some different things to make the time go faster. I also read all the old emails and listen to voicemails and journal like crazy. Hang in there.

Luna...first ... hello and welcome to the Board. I'm sorry you are still missing your old T. I am so attached to my T (even though I'm angry with him right now)that I cannot even contemplate the day when he is no longer in my life. It would be unbearably painful to think of never seeing him again. I try not to think of it or I can't do therapy. I'm glad you found a new T that you seem to get along with. I can understand shying away from any further attachments. One painful one is enough.

TN

Hi Crazy lady and welcome to the boards. I understand the moping around part. I'm a bit angry with my T right now and I'm moping around trying to get over it and think about what I want to say to him when I see him on Thursday. Big decisions are tough and I too like my Ts input on things. Good luck w/ your decision.

TN

I miss my T! I miss my T!I miss my T!I miss my T!I miss my T!I miss my T!I miss my T!I miss my T!I miss my T!I miss my T!I miss my T!I miss my T!I miss my T!I miss my T!I miss my T!I miss my T!I miss my T!I miss my T!I miss my T!I miss my T!I miss my T!I miss my T!I miss my T!I miss my T!I miss my T!I miss my T!I miss my T!I miss my T!I miss my T!I miss my T!I miss my T!I miss my T!I miss my T!I miss my T!

That's all!

(I'm four and a half weeks in, with four more days to go, I just needed to say that!)

AG

Well I am almost halfway through and I have finally hit that nice place of being OK with things. It has been a busy week with my birthday and then my job wrapping up and all so I haven't had too much time to miss her. I've even had two fights with the H and still I am OK. I am almost tempted to just quit therapy now while I am not feeling that incessant neediness of being with my T and obsessing over her, her life, and our relationship all of the time. I wish this sense of peace would last.

Being out of work is not a good thing for me. I justify my existence and demands for resources from others and the earth based on what I am able to contribute. I can't ask for support or time or energy from another without knowing that I can somehow repay it either to them directly or to the greater good. I have nothing to give so I can't ask for anything. I have nothing so I am nothing.

I am sure many of you can see the problem here...

River,
Happy Belated Birthday!

You have nothing so you are nothing? Tell me what does your daughter provide, what does she have, how does she repay her for what you provide for her? Will you now tell me she is worth nothing?

We do NOT earn our worth. It is something intrinsic to our being, bestowed my our creator. Our perception of that worth can be marred by what other do to us or by not having affirmed enough when we are young enough to take it in on a deep level, but that has NOTHING to do with the reality that you are a unique person created by God and worthy because you ARE, not because you DO.

And I don't like it when people call my friends nothing, even if they're doing it to themselves. Knock it off!

((((((((River)))))))

AG

3 weeks down...only a few days to go. However, I have a big thing on at work tomorrow involving a presentation which I am absolutely DREADING. I hate speaking in front of people...being the centre of attention is an absolute nightmare for me.

My T is back this week but my appointment isn't until Friday and I feel like I could climb the walls. Made an attempt to write out my feelings last night. I'm contemplating just giving him the paper but some of it includes details on how I feel about him and my attachment to him and I don't know if I can tell him that.

Happy belated birthday River! As for contributing nothing... that is so not true in your case. You give to us here. You contribute to the conversation with your ideas and your experiences in therapy and in life. You give to your child. You are the single most important person in her life and what you give her is very valuable. And life will ebb and flow... sometimes we can give and sometimes we just need to take until we are able to give again. That's how life works. You cannot give all the time, you would be exhausted. What would you say to a friend who told you that because she was in pain she could not be very giving to you for awhile? Would you terminate the friendship and think of her as nothing? No, you would tell her to take from you what she needs until she gets strong enough to give back to you or someone else. So please be kind in the same way to yourself.

Crazylady.. good luck with your presentation. Take deep breaths and do the best you can. That is all you can ask from yourself. As for your T and writing your feelings... perhaps this is a good time to discuss your feelings for him in light of his vacation. Have you ever discussed any of your feelings for him before? I know it's a scary thought but for me at least it worked out fairly well and opened up a lot of new dialogue and discoveries about myself and what causes me to feel and behave the way I do. I hesitate to tell others to just go for it and tell all but I feel therapy works best when you can be open and honest with your T. I do understand that not all Ts can handle it with grace and acceptance. Good luck in your decision.

TN

I'm feeling a bit panicked tonight at the thought of not seeing my T for 15 days. We had our session today and he told me how long he would be gone on vacation and my first emotion was fear. Fear at knowing that he is leaving me and I'm feeling abandoned. We have been working on some really hard issues lately and I'm afraid things will start to erupt and I will be left alone to deal with all the feelings and emotions. That's only one aspect. The other is know that he is away in his "real" other life ... you know the one I have no access to and cannot ever be a part of. I hate the boundaries sometimes. I hate that I don't know where he will be or what he will be doing for 15 days.

To be fair to him he handled things very well. When I mentioned last week that I was having a hard time handling his upcoming vacation he never belittled my feelings at all. Today he took time to discuss contingency plans in case I really needed to reach him. He told me I could leave a voice message as he would be checking in for messages once a day, I could email him but he could not promise a swift reply. He said I could call his cell in an emergency and leave a message there if he did not answer. I just kept nodding my head like one of those toy dogs until he looked at me and asked me if I would like him to call me? I said that would be nice. So we agreed he would call me a week from today. I know this is supposed to make me feel better but I just feel alone right now.

And that's why I'm here venting and whining. Thanks for listening.

TN

First off, to everyone who is missing their T at the moment and don't know what to do...I hear you and I wish you all the best.

Also, Thanks True North. The presentation actually went well. Ironically everyone said I seemed very confident which is hilarious as I was ready to have a panic attack beforehand!

It was one crazy day....coming to a head when I got a response from someone who hurt me very deeply in the past year via email. It has hit me like a ton of bricks. It's a sort of apology...not complete but more than I was expecting. And once I got it, all i could do was think of my T. I wanted to hug him and get some comfort. I felt ready to cry and since I haven't been able to do that in months I really wanted him to be there.

So now I'm going to bed and hoping that if I start crying I'll be able to stop. Only a day to go now til I see him and I don't know what I@m going to do tomorrow or what I'm going to do after I see him.

Hi CL... glad to hear your presentation went well. Sometimes we surprise ourselves! I can relate very well to the whole crying issue. Sometimes I am so shut down I cannot cry and just talk to my T as if I'm just reporting facts to him... no emotion. I understand that the reason I do this is the fear of starting to cry and never stop. I have told my T I'm afraid I will cry so much I will drown both of us. Also, that I will upset HIM and he won't be able to contain my tears and emotions. He has reassured me time and time again they he will handle it and I should not worry about him and when the time is right I will cry. It's not like I have never cried in his presence... I have other other things... mostly when I feel our relationship is threatened in some way, or if he has done something that makes me feel unwanted. This is usually something that goes back to the past but is triggered by something that happened in session.

I'm glad you are so much closer to the time you will see your T. You will do just fine I'm sure. Share the email with him and feel good knowing that someone is there for you. After you see him... then we will be here for support.

TN

Three more days... seems like an eternity right now.

Hi River... I was wondering how you were doing. Three days seems long but look how far you have already come.

Since it's just past midnight I am on day 4 of 15 now. Seems like a long stretch ahead of me but I'm trying to take it one day at a time.

Met with my T yesterday. He asked me how I was and I had a one word answer "anxious". I had a lot to get through and my feelings for him were on my mind too. A lot had happened in 3 and a half weeks.

It's funny...I can't cry even though I want to all the time and yet he nearly always brings me close to tears these days. I constantly feel as if I'm just being self-indulgent with this whole thing and that I'm exaggerating everything. The big decision I had to make was to defer my final college year or not. And I've made it. I'm terrified but I had to make it. After speaking to him yesterday I couldn't see how I could try to attend college and work through my issues. He recommended therapy for the next year and I asked him about my medication-I was surprised when he said I should continue on a slightly higher dose.

I was waiting for my T to tell me that it was all in my head. I was continuously asking him if HE thought there was something wrong as I didn't trust myself. He kinda reiterated for the millionth time that he wouldn't "bulls**t" me. I think I've become so comfortable with him that I assume he placates me in the way I feel everyone else does. He told me he wouldn't indulge me.

I also spoke about how he skimmed over my mention of self-harm and suicide. I thought again they he felt these were attempts for gaining attention and he said no, that in some cases it can drive a patient away to get into topics too quickly. I presume he meant that's what he felt would happen in my case, he wasn't specific.

I think I've gotten past some of the "game-playing" that I felt he was doing with me. I know in my heart that he wouldn't try to hurt me but I don't know if he could do it accidentally etc. to spare my feelings.

I don't know how long this feeling of slight certainty of myself and my decisions will last...usually I feel it a bit after a session and it fades quickly.

I'm not meeting my T for another week and a half again. Which drives me kinda mad but at least there isn't a big presentation or anything going on next week. I was anxious when he mentioned me leaving and going to another therapist if and when I move after work finishes. I'll worry about that later.

At the moment I'm just trying to get through the weekend. I was terribly down yesterday...the free time by myself opened up like a bottomless bit yesterday evening....it's practically pathetic how quick I am to try and spend time with my friends to distract myself.

Apologies for the length of the post....I could go on but at least I got some of my experience out. *hugs* for everyone who is missing their T

crazy lady,
Your T sounds like he is being honest with you and cares about you. Trust him as much as you can because he isn't playing games with you and does want the best for you. I know how quickly that confidence can fade after a session but hold on to it as hard as you can for as long as you can.

TN,
Thanks for the encouragement. I know I'll make it to Monday night I just don't want to have to close down too much more to do it. The hardest part is not resorting to my old defense mechanisms to deal with the despair of being alone like this for this long. My most unfavorite feeling is wanting something I can't have.

Thanks for the words of encouragement River. Only a few days now....I know how it feels. Felt a strong urge to call my T today...felt so alone and scared.

8 more hours....

Yes, I am pathetic I know. In 8 hours I will have the fastest 45 minutes ever and then another very long week. It is enough to make me not want to bother but I will, I most definitely know that I will.

You are not pathetic River... you are human. So how did it go? I know how fast that therapeutic hour can go. And then we start the wait all over again. I hope it went well.

I'm just about starting day 7 of 15. My T is calling me tomorrow. I really need to hear his voice. I've been dealing with some stressful stuff the past few days and I sort of feel lost.

TN

So I saw my T last night after two weeks and it went OK. I felt like I was trying to wake up from an emotional nap and couldn't quite get all the way awake. I decided to not ask her about her vacation at all because I'd just rather not know where she went or how good of a time she had or anything. I've heard enough from my friends about the fabulous places they've been this summer and it all just gives me more ammunition for feeling sorry for myself and my currently unemployed and thus financially strapped state. It did feel a little funny at first not to say "How was the trip?" etc. but since she doesn't normally volunteer any personal info we just skipped the small talk. We don't do a lot of small talk anyway usually. I am not great at small talk and it just seems easier to not do it since then I get stuck and don't know how to transition out of it onto other things. Anyway, that is for another post I guess.

I did try to tell her how I felt while she was gone and how I dealt with it. I realize now that I didn't tell her that I missed her on purpose and I think it is because when I have said that in the past she has responded with "I missed you too." which I guess I have a hard time believing. I would like that to be true but I know it would never be the same feeling for her as it is for me. Somehow this amplifies the unevenness in the relationship and this unevenness is sometimes very hard for me to accept even though I know it is absolutely necessary and unavoidable.

Then she has to tell me something and that warning right there "wakes" everything in me up! Nothing too major - she is rearranging her schedule which means I have to rearrange mine as well. I am not happy about this but I keep telling myself she could have announced her retirement or that she was moving or something way worse. She and her H are switching days they have the office and since I see Mr. T too for marriage counseling this is really messing up my schedule and throwing everything off balance. I've been seeing T on Mondays and Fridays and Mr. T on Thursdays. Now I'll have to see Mr. T on Mondays and T on Thursday and Friday or maybe Wednesday and Friday or maybe just Thursdays since having two sessions so close together seems to defeat the purpose of having two sessions a week in the first place. Plus I have to sort out this schedule change with my H and my mom who babysits while we see Mr. T. Yes, it will eventually work itself out but right now I don't like it and that was about all I could say about it last night.

I am desperately glad she is back though. I want to call her today to just make sure she is. I just might - we'll see. My in-laws are in town all week so I don't have much time/space to myself. I'll have to think of an errand or activity to send them on soon to get them out of my hair. Any ideas?

quote:

o call her today to just make sure she is. I just might - we'll see. My in-laws are in town all week so I don't have much time/space to myself. I'll have to think of an errand or activity to send them on soon to get them out of my hair. Any ideas?

Hi River, glad you finally met your T. Mine was away for 3 and a half weeks, finally met him last week and I felt like I had a list of things to get through with him. Like you, part of me really wanted to know what he was up to on his trip but since my T is like yours I decided not to ask him. I think it would hurt me too much. And I get the impression from him that he would open up to me which scares me even more because I think I'd never stop wanting more info. So I just keep it one-sided even though it drives me crazy.

At the moment I'm having real problems with having time to myself but I can understand your predicament River. Can you send them out to cinema/theatre/dinner? Will your partner go with them or is it up to you to entertain?

After 3 and a half weeks of not seeing him I expected to be back into normal mode again but not seeing him for another week and a half and it's a real stretch at this point. Particularly as the stuff we spoke about in the last session was very relevant to my current decision-making. I feel like emailing him but refuse to be "one of those" (no offense to anyone, it's just my stubborness) who demands a lot of their T. I emailed him once when I felt like things were getting a bit too dark and he rang me back directly after, and I still feel bad for doing it.

I went to my GP on Friday and she asked me if I'd been to seen a psychiatrist rather than a counsellor. Embarrassingly I didn't really know the difference, now I know a bit better but I'm kinda wondering why she asked? She wants to see me in 2 weeks and only gave me 2 weeks worth of anti-D's. For the first time ever I got scared she was gonna refer me and involve my parents which scared the life out of me. They kinda know the situation but it's nigh impossible to explain to them how bad I feel as they just don't seem to take it well. I know they're just constantly wishing for me to be ok rather than trying to deal with what's actually going on.

Apologies for the length of the post.

I am so very happy that my T is back. I saw her again yesterday and had a much more productive session than on Monday. I am still not happy about the schedule switcharoo but eventually I'll get used to the change. I am still depressed and struggling but having my T back helps me to feel like I am not alone in it all.

Today is day 11 of 15 and I am really struggling with missing my T. To make matters worse we are struggling with a severe disruption in our relationship. He had made an appointment with me to call me on day 7 of his vacation to check in with me. I was really looking forward to this as I was confronted with some hard news that I had gotten on day 4 and was really needing to just hear his voice. I didn't expect a "session" on the phone but just a check in to connect and to know that he was still there and still how I remember him.

Well...he never called me. I sat all day in disbelief that he would hurt me this way. I was stunned. At about 7 pm I called his office VM and left a distraught message. He then emailed me at 8:30 or so saying that he was sorry but he didn't call because most of the day he was out of communication range and he would see me when he got back and he hoped I was okay. OKAY??? I was freaking out and I called him again and left a really hysterical VM on his office phone. What upset me even more was that he never addressed MY feelings about what happened. I just got a brief excuse and a see ya soon.

The next morning he did call me but by then the damage was done. He broke his word and all the trust I worked so hard to build was shattered. I had asked him on the VM for a referral to another T because I could not wait another week to talk to someone. I felt on the verge of totally falling apart and/or becoming self-destructive. He spent 20 mins talking to me and gave me the name of someone. He was very very sorry and admitted to poor planning. I wanted to know why he couldn't have just emailed me the night before when he knew he would be out of cell contact and just let me know. It would have saved so much anguish on my part. He was concerned and wanted to talk about how I was feeling but I was so activated and upset it was hard for me to even talk to him. Aside from that I couldn't "see" him and body language is a very important part of doing therapy for me and I just could not take in what he was saying. We ended the call with him asking if I wanted to talk again and I said no.

He has since emailed me twice to check in. I am still feeling angry and adding to that is guilt that I'm struggling with that I intruded too much into his vacation time. I told him on the phone that I thought he was going to leave me and he said that was not going to happen but I still wrestle with this.

But aside from being angry with him which I'm trying to avoid feeling because that anger is so threatening and I'm afraid it will cause our relationship to disintegrate, I am missing him so desperately it feels like a physical pain in my chest. Sitting with these intense and uncertain feelings is taking a toll on me. I keep journaling and counting days and trying to be busy but this hangs over me. My original news/problem is still there and has not been faced/dealt with and now I have our relationship disruption on my mind too... adding to everything else that I feel.

Anyway, I just needed to get this out. Thanks for listening.

TN

Thank you Summer for your thoughtful reply. I do need to focus on the positive aspects of our relationship. I'm trying to accept that my T does care for me and sometimes he does show it and show his concern. But he does make mistakes and this is not the first... and probably won't be the last either. It was just that he knew how I was struggling with his vacation and then he added his thoughtlessness to what I was feeling.

And you are right, what I felt is that he was not thinking of me, did not care, I was out of his mind totally and it felt like because of that our relationship was over... non-existent... didn't matter. And I know very well that I am just a client and that is all I will ever be so why should I care if I'm out of his thoughts/mind? What does it matter? I can't answer these questions.

And so I must just wait and wait until I can see him next week and talk about all of this.

I appreciate your generous answer, Summer, since I know how hard it has been for you with your P's retirement. You have faced and overcome the worst fear that we all have and you have come out of it with great courage and dignity. Thank you again.

TN

Hi TN -

I am so sorry this happened to you. I wish I had words of wisdom like HB and Summer, but right now I don't. I would like to extend my support to you, though. From very recent and ongoing experience, I can relate and sympathize greatly with your feelings.

I hope you get the answers you are needing in your next session. My thoughts are with you.

Musical Me

Musical Me thank you for your empathy and support. Even if you don't feel you have words of wisdom it's nice to read your post of support.

Summer... thanks again. I'm glad to know that you can now think of your P with fondness and realize he did care for you he just handled his retirement badly.

HB... your response makes a lot of sense. I am coping although sometimes it does not feel that way. Sometimes it just feels all out of control and I hate that feeling. But I think through this experience I have come to recognize some things about our relationship. I will see my T on Wednesday and we have a lot to talk about. Thanks so much for being there.

TN