((((PEANUT))))

50 is the new 30. I'm turning 50 in 6 months and I've never felt better in my life. It's very scary, though, thinking about being the oldest in the family, the grandma, the auntie. I'm not sure I'm ready for that.

I feel like you do about starting over now at this age. But I am meeting a ton of people my age and what I have found is that there are a bunch who switched careers because of the economy and are starting over and there are others who stayed home to take care of their kids but now want to reenter the workforce. It made me feel so much better that I'm not this freak remaking my life. There are lots of other people out there doing it.

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I really don't look 50 do we have to dwell on this? Maybe he just wants me to snap at him for repeatedly mentioning my age and then he'll say something he's been saving up for that moment?? Maybe he just wants me not to forget reality and mistakenly think I have my whole life ahead of me??

I know how it feels to go home and turn right back into the 15 year old I was when I lived there. Somehow time turns back when I cross that threshhold. Could he be trying to draw your attention to the fact that you feel more like a 15 year old than a 50 year old? Does he think that you are regressing into feeling like a 15 year old because you turned 50 and you are afraid? Could it be that T is trying to impress upon you that you don't have to feel like a 15 year old even though you are living with your parents?

Can you tell him that you don't want him to mention your age any more?

Hi Liese,
Just saw your reply as I haven't been online much, thank you so much for writing. I think you are onto something about T reminding me that I am an adult (and not someone new at it either!) and not someone who is 15. This is a huge issue for me - I recently found out that I basically have dependent personality disorder - it's been masked because I do love taking on responsibility at work, I'm ok being alone etc. But when I lost my job, got sick, had to move across the country, got sick again etc. etc. - the problem became more obvious. My parents, especially my dad, have never stopped treating me like a child, and they don't even realize it. Dad was always so controlling and I worked so hard to be a "good girl" that I never individuated. I did what I was told and it didn't matter if I agreed -I wasn't going to win if I went up against him. Then it reached the point that in some areas of my life, I passively waited for dad to tell me what to do, I thought I needed his instructions - learned helplessness. I don't live with my parents - they live 600 miles away - but they are coming to "check on me" this week. We have not attempted to explain to them how their overinvolvement complicates my treatment, and I could never get the therapy I need without their financial help. But when I see them or talk to them, I take a couple steps back in my progress. My T has talked to my dad several times and has determined that it is a lost cause to try to educate dad - instead our goal is to eventually get me where I can make enough money to support myself again so that I can escape.
So your comments about people around our age starting new careers is very encouraging! And all this babbling has made me realize that maybe I'm displacing some of the anger/frustration I have for my dad onto my T - and I guess the best excuse I could come up with was the way he mentions my age???

(((PEANUT))))

I just made an assumption that you were living with your parents. I understand how difficult it is. My relationship with my Mom has been similar to yours with your Dad. It sounds like you had a lot of stress all at once.

My Mom is not willing to be educated either and so, it's the same for me: I have to take certain steps in order to be more independent from her. I wish you luck with your visit. It sounds incredibly stressful.