He said (edited for spelling/typo errors, since he obviously had to text me quickly between clients):
"So sorry, kiddo. My bad. I have been really breakless today. Didn't see your messages til just now. Your texts are so welcome. Please trust me in this. I tend to go without breaks all day and lunch was short and I napped. Dr_"
I didn't really expect an explanation, really just two or three words that it was OK. He hasn't actually called me "Kiddo" for a few months, because I told him it reminded me of my dad and he was trying to avoid triggering me. But a couple times in the past few weeks, I have let him know (via email/journal) I am embracing being "Kiddo," and he has said he really liked that. It is the first time he has called me Kiddo since he stopped. It made my heart jump into my throat, and I felt like warm water was poured over me and I am feeling intense longing to be with him, but not afraid or invisible or alone or "bad for being too much" anymore. And he didn't preach at me, so I'm not feeling like it's wrong to need him in addition to needing God. I texted him back and apologized that I can't seem to distinguish him from "them," thanked him for disarming me and told him I was glad (a bit selfishly) that he was taking care of himself.I wish I could remember how good my T is when I get into Victim-state, but I just can't. V is certain T is just like mom and dad until he very obviously proves otherwise. I don't deserve my T. It's pretty miraculous that I managed to even meet him. We called our ex-pastor (also MFT) and he referred us to a psychologist, who cost too much, who in turn referred us to T. This was just for H's issue and T kept pursuing getting me into counseling even though I was sure I was fine and only agreed to see him to help H (and get them both off of my back) and didn't plan on more than a few weeks. Now, he's stuck with me (or else we are stuck with each other)!
It's ok to skip.-Yaku"