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5 replies

T scheduled someone else during my time, and was surprised when I showed up!

tightropetightropeMember
I don't know what to do with this. I'm SURE it was an honest mistake. He has no idea why I wasn't in his schedule, but I wasn't. He said he thought I must have told him I couldn't come that day. So I'm there in the waiting room and a couple is there, too, and he comes out and looks at them, and me and I could see the wheels in his head turning like "oh crap, what did I do, what do I do now?", so I realized what was going on and asked if I could speak to him for just a minute and we went in his office, he apologized and said he could see me during his lunch (I couldn't, and the rest of my week was busy, the next time I could come was a day before my next appt with him, so I just told him I'd see him next week.

I came home and cried.

I had him on such a pedestal, and now I see flaws. I've been dissociative and depressed as a result of this. I do truly believe it was an honest mistake, but part of me is just simply crushed and is very angry with him for forgetting me.

I don't know how to proceed. Do I show up for the next appt like nothing happened?

Do I cancel because I'm hurting?

Do I slap the part of me that's so upset and tell it to grow the hell up and deal with it like a big girl?

That part of me that is crushed wants to stop trusting him and go back instead of forward, while the rest of me says it's not a big deal and there's no reason to not trust him anymore Frowner

I hate being so conflicted Frowner
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B bltMember
This happened to me as well, and I was pissed about it. I would have been a lot more upset if I hadn't been able to come back for a whole week. I'm sorry Frowner

The solution is to go to your next session and express your honest feelings about it. He will be expecting you to be angry, and if he's worth his salt in the least, he will welcome that feeling.

It's a crummy thing to happen, but if he really validates your feelings about it and apologizes, I think you might find that your relationship is actually strengthened in the long run.

Even trustworthy people sometimes make stupid mistakes like that one, but it can be a hard reality to swallow.
E effedMember
(((TIGHTROPE)))

You poor thing, I would be utterly crushed too-- and I think you have every right to be. If it's going right, these sessions are like oases of calm in our murky and turbulent lives, and having that yanked away from us with no notice is so disappointing. Add to that the coming-to-terms with your T as a flawed human being, and you've got a real mix to contend with there.

In answer to your query, I would say...
D) none of the above!

No reason to suppress or deny your feelings about this, they are totally legitimate. I would go back and talk through what happened for you with your T. If he responds non-defensively by taking responsibility for his oversight, and hears you out, (maybe even offers an apology or three) I promise you will feel tons better. And it will be a great growth opportunity for you both-- for him, for obvious reasons, and for you, for braving through this 'confrontation'.

Good luck, and let us know how it goes Smiler

effed
S sadlyMember
Well tightrope, I don't know what YOU should do but I will tell you what I did when this happened to me. I sent him a message to phone me and when he did, I cried and told him I was REALLY UPSET and I told him HOW upset and that he couldn't really care about me if he didn't even REMEBER when my sessions were.

He apologized profusely and was extremely contrite and said that actually he does care about me and in fact he knows for a fact that he can care deeply for someone and STILL forget something important for them. He does this with his own family too.

He was so utterly contrite, ("I f*cked up" is what he said,) that I forgave him and then went to see him next scheduled appointment.

It really helped that I found I could yell at him and call him on his ineptitude and he was fine with it and was well able to apologize and I liked him for it.
navymenavymeMember
Sometimes... it helps to see our T's as just regular people doing 'this' job...

Then put yourself into that role in the workforce...Have you ever missed a conference call, an appointment or a meeting? Have you ever had your wires crossed and not been somewhere you should have been?

These are all regular daily occurrences in our regular lives.

And...sometimes, I think it's important that we see our T's as regular people. (Even if they seem like superheros who have it all figured out)
number9number9Member


I myself know that if I put impossibly high standards on others, it usually comes back to bite ME somehow. I prefer to give myself and others a little bit of room to breathe- or life gets too stressful. Shit does happen. Eeker

I have been on both sides. I have messed up, (not often) both personally and professionally, and probably will again at some point in the future.

That said, it can still suck to look forward to a session only to have it not come to pass.

I'm sure he didn't mean to hurt you, and it sounds like he already feels pretty bad about it. Hope your week goes well, and that your next session also goes well! Smiler

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