Sorry for the long title. I have no idea what else to call this. I'm really surprised about something that happened - and I'm surprised it's hitting me now in the way it is.

My old T, one time, a couple of months into our 10 months of work together, she did something that just hit me yesterday.

She brought in a photo album. Of hers. About her being at a political campaign. Then she drove me to a doctor's appointment, in her car, that I was scared to go to alone - and she bought me a bagel on the way.

Yes, there is context to this...

but does that make this ok?

whoa.

At the time, I felt weird about it, but said yes anyhow and went along anyhow.

Her being w me at the doctor's seemed fine, and still does. It was a rare thing - and a docor that was evaluating me emotionally in terms of neurologically. So THAT seemed fine.

The rest?

um, doesn't seem so ok now. I think I should have said no. I think my T should have never have gone there.

I had my own car to drive...

and the bagel? ok small gift but still...

and the photo album? of her, her family, ecterta. It wasn't like she was trying to convince me of anything politically - she was excited about it - and that's just it. It was about her. Well, maybe she was trying to help connect to me - but still...

it was weird.

the album. and showing me it.

boundaries.

I STINK AT BOUNDARIES.

The T I saw before her was a disaster. My primary T now has confirmed the old-old-T was intentionally was trying to cause regression (long story) - and thankfully, I only saw her for 11 very intense weeks.

and now? My primary T never would do any of that. Never ever pushes my boundaries and does stay mindful of her own. Nothing like this has ever come up. I can be in an office alone with her ok. I have to numb out some of her caring of me - I've told her and she knows that, and the mess I went through with the old T.

I'm scared to be in an office alone with my eq T. It's partly because the focus is more on me, and partly because... I'm scared of her. I'm scared of any T.

My primary T saw me strugge with this. She saw me also do really well in group therapy. She thought eq t - one on one with a t, plus animals - might be a good place for me.

dang, she was right.

And I gotta let my eq t be responsible for her own boundaries, and be responsible for mine too. I gotta let go. It's just so freaking hard.

... and now I am sitting here thinking... when would it be ok for T to show me a photo album of them and their family at a political event... like a whole album, a scrapbook...

is that wierd?