(((((HELD))))))

You certainly don't need to feel as if she's losing her patience with you right now. She's probably just having an off day.

I'm sorry she snapped at you, HIC. Did the rest of the session go okay? Or were you kind of taken aback by her comment..and the rest of the session was affected?

I've been feeling really annoying to my T recently. I don't know if it's coming from me or her...probably me ha. But it still sucks.

Thanks Liese, erica.

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I'm sorry she snapped at you, HIC. Did the rest of the session go okay?

The rest of the session was fine. After her comment I just laughed and said, "I suppose I have a habit of that, but building new habits is not a bad idea."

T: Yes! Like be still, be centered, be peaceful. Just Be.
Me: Those are "tree" values. (We had been interpreting a dream about a tree earlier.)
T: Yes.
Me: Well, you make sense. Okay.

You see I was trying to be gracious and smooth things over. It was only later, when I was thinking over the session, that I thought she had been a bit harsh and began to feel hurt (slightly). It'll be okay. . .

Am I too sensitive?

well, I could say that you're being overly sensitive and your T probably wasn't meaning to snap at you....but, if I were you, I'd most likely feel the exact same way. I am way sensitive and over analyze what my T says and how she says it. So, from an outsider perspective, I'd be willing to guess that she didn't mean any harm and definitely would not want to hurt you (just from reading your posts on her and how adaptive, caring, etc she seems). But in reality, I'd probably think the same thing if that happened to me.

My T has never seemed impatient with me..but lately I have felt so stuck and like a broken record. I'm so uncomfortable with how things are going and it doesn't help that I had to cancel last minute today. I feel like she's so annoyed with me (but I'm sure I'm just being overly sensitive). I kind of want to take a break. But then I remember I'm too attached haha. Ugh...therapy sucks sometimes! Sorry you're feeling slightly hurt by her comment.

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So, from an outsider perspective, I'd be willing to guess that she didn't mean any harm and definitely would not want to hurt you (just from reading your posts on her and how adaptive, caring, etc she seems).

Yes, and even if she was feeling a bit restless and impatient in that moment, it was probably prompted by caring or was at the very least not personal rejection.

Sometimes it's hard for me to parse out that someone can be annoyed with me without hating me altogether or wanting to be rid of me. It's good to remember to look at the relationship in it's broader context.

Ah, the endless teachable moments of therapy. . .

HIC,
My T would often tell me that instead of judging myself for what I was feeling, what if I stepped back to see what I could learn about myself from what I was feeling. If you're feeling like she was harsh, I am wondering what it might be like to talk to her about how you felt about what she said? You might find out that she was annoyed or you might hear something entirely different. The only way to know for sure is to ask.

If she comes back and tells you that she wasn't feeling the way you are worried she is feeling, then you can examine why you felt the way you did about what she said. There is no right or wrong about how you feel, but therapy is a unique opportunity to learn about your relational dynamics because ideally your therapist owns her own stuff and is honest with you.

AG

(((HELD)))

quote:

T: Yes! Like be still, be centered, be peaceful. Just Be.

..........

Am I too sensitive?

If only it was THAT easy to be still, be centered, be peaceful. Just Be. As if you could just be those things on command. That comment would have bothered me too because it's hard for me to believe that I'm loveable if he sees anything less than perfect about me. I've spent a lot of time and energy trying to cover up my warts - though not very successfully. I'm trying to adjust to the idea that he can see my flaws AND still "love" me.

quote:

Sometimes it's hard for me to parse out that someone can be annoyed with me without hating me altogether or wanting to be rid of me.

That's a toughie for me too!

(((AG)))

quote:

If you're feeling like she was harsh, I am wondering what it might be like to talk to her about how you felt about what she said? You might find out that she was annoyed or you might hear something entirely different. The only way to know for sure is to ask.

Ah, but I have asked T so many times over the course of therapy if she is annoyed with me or frustrated with me. 90% of the time she says no and proceeds to "validate", but a couple times she's admitted to being a little frustrated. She says the frustration is because she wants to see me doing better, or something to that effect. At any rate, it seems to be transient, when it does happen. I don't have the sense that frustration is a defining element of her overall feelings towards me, at least not when I'm trying to be objective about it.

quote:

If she comes back and tells you that she wasn't feeling the way you are worried she is feeling, then you can examine why you felt the way you did about what she said.

I think I felt that way because she sounded impatient. But even if she hadn't-- it's hard to separate meaning and intent out from function when evaluating a statement. I mean, functionally, telling me I have absolutely no need to be thinking about something is going to make me stop talking about it. So I assume that was the intent all along, and that behind that intent was annoyance with the subject matter and me for introducing it. Hmm, now that I type that out I can see I'm making a few leaps there. I don't think any of them are necessarily unreasonable, but on the other hand, yeah, maybe T was just trying to point something out factually that she thought might be useful for me to acknowledge. Probably none of those things are mutually exclusive, though. Bah, it's all so complicated. . .

(((Liese)))

quote:

If only it was THAT easy to be still, be centered, be peaceful. Just Be. As if you could just be those things on command.

Haha, yeah. And that is one marker I use to identify when T might be getting frustrated. She'll tend to oversimplify things. But I think she was more indicating that those were good habits to develop than issuing direct commands there. . . also there is a piece of wall art in her office that says "Just Be" and I suppose she was referring to that.

Well, I'm not gonna worry about T too much, you know? She only has to experience me for an hour a week most weeks (and she gets paid), whereas I am stuck with my craziness 24/7 (with no reimbursement). She has it easy.

Held,

Only you can know...but could this be true?

Another theory might be that the way she talked to you was a testament to your closeness.

It seems like she sees resilience in you to hear the truth and she knows that there's no judgment between you two for your thoughts.

Her sentence about you not needing to think about something right now sounds like something she might say to admonish her own thoughts, in her own head.

If it hurt you, you should tell her. But at the same time, she might've misjudged your sensitivity level.

I'm super sensitive too. But my T said something about my perception of an event and she said, "That's distorted thinking."

That would be insulting coming from anyone else, but I was relieved that the way I was seeing it wasn't reality. And I was touched that she thought so much of me that she was honest with me and she thought I could handle it.

Many times, though, I'm not so strong and I'll take the slightest eyebrow furrow as evidence that T hates me. So not to be on any high horse!

huuuugs

(((Peejay)))

Thanks for your thoughts and for commenting. Can't remember if we've talked before, but nice to "meet" you.

quote:

Only you can know...but could this be true?

Another theory might be that the way she talked to you was a testament to your closeness.

It seems like she sees resilience in you to hear the truth and she knows that there's no judgment between you two for your thoughts.

I like this interpretation. It could well be the truth. I think T does feel fairly comfortable with me. . . not sure that's always the case the other way around, but sometimes. It's also highly likely that she might misjudge my sensitivity level. I am a lot more sensitive than I think I seem. It's just hard to say, though. T is normally super gentle and careful with what she says, so when she does come out with something a bit more abrupt it can really throw me.

Thanks again for commenting.
Hugs!

At my session yesterday I was talking about my father and T started to look very frustrated and annoyed about some things I was saying. She looked like she was about to say something but didn't.

"What, no comment?" I asked her teasingly.

She said that she had a comment that she might say if we were chatting at the grocery, but that it probably wasn't appropriate for the therapy room.

"Well, now I'm curious about what you were going go say."

"Your father is an idiot." She proceeded to elaborate on this theme for several sentences.

As usual when T criticizes my parents, I tuned out whatever cognitive content there was to her message and focused on the emotional meaning. . . T must like me or she wouldn't get annoyed at them, right? But I also think she is not capable of understanding and appreciating them.

I think later she felt self conscious about what she said, because she told me, "That was a rather strong opinion I expressed about your father, wasn't it?"

I told her it was okay and that I wasn't surprised, really. I said she probably didn't have the issue of animus projection towards him like I did.

A few minutes later she told me, "I'm feeling bad about what I said about your dad."

"Oh, did I seem bothered by it?"

"No, you didn't, but I just wanted to own that with you."

I explained that I had actually been touched, that she wouldn't have a strong emotional reaction to him if she didn't care about me on some level.

She looked a bit flustered, I thought (why?), but agreed.

I guess I am just not sure what is up with T lately. These little flare ups of frustration. . . I don't think they are about me, but who can say. Maybe she is experiencing burn out, needs a vacation? Also, is that the sort of thing T tells people when chatting in the grocery? "Your father is an idiot"?

I am not blaming T. She did apologize, sort of. I suppose I am a little confused about what is going on and how to take things.

Thanks for reading, to whoever is.

Thanks, RT.

Wow, that is quite an extreme case. Although these things happen, don't they? I'm not sure how I'd respond if T just disappeared. In a weird way, I don't think I'd be entirely shocked if it happened. I think I sense a certain restlessness in her these days. I would probably expect her back eventually, I know she's fairly committed to this area for whatever reason.

You put it well. . . "unfiltered comments". There have been others besides these. A few days ago she told me she just wanted to slap H. Yesterday she commented that if she had been my mother, none of this (some craziness from my youth) would have happened.

I don't remember if you were around then, but a few months ago I was posting about how I felt I was at a turning point and wasn't sure if I should go deeper with therapy or phase out. I felt/feared that if I went deeper into things with T she'd struggle with some of it-- getting triggered, reacting. I don't know if that's what this is or if it's something random and unrelated. Or if I'm just making mountains out of molehills.

Maybe it's some kind of counter transference? Or maybe she just feels comfortable enough with me to be a bit more direct. I suppose I could adjust to that difference.

We are still doing decent therapy so I intend on continuing. Just feeling a bit puzzled.

(((hugs))) About your original post on T snapping....
I would have felt the same way (a bit hurt thinking about it later). I have done this many times with my former therapist and my new therapist.
A few weeks ago my new T started off my session by asking how I was doing, of course. I said something about being stressed out because I literally had just finished an exam and handed it in (for T training school). I had just spent hours on my computer working on my take home exam that was about reflecting on my learning and analyzing the textbook and my class sessions. Anyway, T snapped at me (how I took it) and told me to, "just stop it!" She told me to stop analyzing and that I'm too much in my head. Usually when someone does that I shut down and can't speak or I don't know what to do with what just happened. I was taken back by T's comment and felt like I was wasting her time and thought that maybe I shouldn't even be there. T asked me what else I had going on or what I had written down to talk about. I glanced at my notes, but responded that it was stuff from my head. I remember looking down at the floor in a shame/submissive type manner. T said something about sometimes it makes us feel better to talk about those thoughts. I proceeded to talk more about the things on my list. After the session I was still hurt by feeling like T snapped at me. I figured she was having an off day too or was just annoyed with me.

I hope I didn't hijack your thread with my story. That wasn't my intent. I just wanted to let you know that I've felt the same way after I interpreted T snapping at me.

I hope you have smoother sessions with your T in the future!