Hi Veryhopeful and welcome to the forum.

I am wondering how much you have alluded to sex during your 3 years with T. Have you talked about attraction? About the sexual abuse of your sister(s)? Do you think that things you have talked "around" may cause him to think that talking about sex is a topic you need to explore?

I guess my thinking would be to determine if I thought T had a legitimate reason to say we needed to discuss sex. Then, I would ask myself if I thought I really needed to talk about it. I would consider my comfort level with T regarding talking about this delicate subject. Finally, I would think about whether I was ready to talk about it.

It really sounds alarm bells for me to hear that T is bringing this up when you've "never felt the need." I think things are a little trickier in this arena when the T is the opposite sex. Do you trust your instincts? If so, what do they say? I guess I would just advise to tread cautiously.

Just wanting to say 'Hi', nice to meet you and that I hope you find the forum useful

Not a clue how to answer your question - I have mostly avoided the subject, despite needing to talk about it (no T has ever invited a conversation, nor followed up any hints that it is an issue - and I have dropped them at times).

sb

and

(((VHOPEFUL))) First of all I want to welcome you to this forum, Its nice to have you here. I think RedTomato has mentioned some really good things for you to think about. I was also wondering if you had previously mentioned to your T about your Father sexually abusing your sister. If so, I can understand why your T would like to discuss more sexual issues with you. If sex has not been a topic of concern, I would really ask your T why he finds it necessary to discuss. I would make T "prove" to me that its a valid topic for discussion.

Hi Veryhopeful,

Good to meet you. I love the name!

Just thought I'd give my perspective on this, for what it's worth. I'm in T school, and in a recent lecture, we were told that it's our responsibility as health professionals to bring up the topic of sex. Most people won't mention it unless directly asked - some people really need to feel like they've been given "permission" to talk about it. So, perhaps your T was trying to break the ice and give you that permission. Of course, what you do with it is up to you. If you are interested in discussing it, perhaps how it felt for him to bring it up could be a nice place to start?

As for my own personal therapy, I know I never brought up sex until my T did, and then I didn't really talk much about it. But, it was nice to know that I could. I did do some writing and processing of some sex related stuff. I found it really uncomfortable, but worthwhile.

I really hope it goes well for you, and that you get what you need when you next see T.

Saka

Very interesting, Saka. Thanks for that perspective.

I really appreciate everyone's input. I have not stopped thinking about this all weekend and am very anxious about seeing him tomorrow. We have discussed the abuse from my father towards my sister(s). We are very open with each other and have a very unique/professional relationship and I treasure it. He told me he was in awe of me and has reverence for me because he knows how painfully difficult being in therapy has been for me. Had his card in my wallet for 10 years before I called him. I had two prior terrible therapists.His office is right across the street from my house too! (I secretly love that). The first question he ever asked me when I initally called him was "how is sex with your husband?". We were in a marital crisis at that time. His point being, sex is a huge indicator of many things whether people acknowledge that or not.I really believe that also. I do think it is a cultural thing (USA) that many people are very uncomfortable talking about it. It is "bad" to want to feel good, etc. Just look at the billions spent on porn. He believes it should be talked about openly and safely because it is a real fact of life. He is very well trained. 35 years in practice and a supervisor to many. I think he knows I want to talk about my sexuality and I will do anything to deflect. Just getting me to talk about myself in general took about a year and a half. I am great at being invisible, but apparently do not dress the part...says he. I don't think I would be feeling so scared if he was a women. I know he finds me attractive and has acknowledged that. I think I am scared he would feel sexually aroused and that would freak me out and then I would run. That whole sexual tension thing. This all reminds me of my father. That just being said means to me...we need to talk about this. So, I will take a very deep breath and be shaking in my boots; heart pounding too, but will plough through it. John Wayne said "Courage is being scared to death, but saddling up anyway!". Love that. Thank you. This has helped me.