DF,

You are so delightful and I love that you just automatically assume acceptance. What a wonderful quality. I need a dose of that.

You touched on a lot there that I can't reply to now but will later. Please don't get paranoid about a point system. I hope everyone knows that I'm not sitting here keeping tabs, like, well, I posted support 5 times on her thread and she posted support only twice on mine. That's not what I'm talking about. I know I post intermittently on peoples threads. And, for all of the reasons the others have mentioned. But I have found that there are several people who never post anything at all on my threads and I was starting to feel well, a little anxious about it all.

So, please pull the reins in on your anxiety about a point system. People respond to you because you put yourself out there and well, frankly, you are a lot of fun. I hate to even say that because I know how much distress you are in quite often. How about, in between the distress, you are a lot of fun and a really nice person. Post away and don't give anything a second thought!!!

LL!!! I hope you know that I am just thrilled that you are back dipping your toe into the posting waters here. I always love your posts and have missed your point of view on a lot of issues being discussed here.

My posting style/responses don't really have much mystery to them. There are times I'm not around much because my life is extremely hectic... working full time, attending school, managing a house and a young child. Most weekends I'm at family events or writing papers for school. Sometimes I don't post on various threads because they either trigger me too much and I need to keep myself safe, or because I have no experience with what is being discussed and don't have much to offer. I am always appreciative of whoever posts to my threads and I try to acknowledge everyone in my response. I do try to give back because of how this community supported me when I was abandoned by my oldT. That really meant a lot and had much to do with my surviving those bleak and dark months following the abandonment. Then there was that vicious attack by Kerry and that other woman on here which caused me to take a break because I was feeling unsafe. But not only that... I was so down on therapy and feeling so hopeless and angry that I did not want to infect others here with my very negative feelings and thought it was best to step away for awhile until I found my balance again.

I think we all understand that while we try to support each other there are times when we need to step back and perhaps only lurk, or even take a full break from the Board. I have seen this Board grow so much in the past two years I've been here and I'm happy to know that if I cannot support someone due to lack of time or focus, then someone else will step in to offer comfort and support. I think that is why this is such an amazing place.

If anyone out there feels I have not paid enough attention to their threads I apologize and offer the reasons I stated above which have nothing to do with how I feel about the person involved.

Liese I hope you feel able to come back soon. This really is a good place to learn and to process what happens in therapy. But I do understand if you feel you need a longer break. You are the only one who knows what is best for you. We are here for you when you want to dive in again.

Best,
TN

I just wanted to add one last thought to Morgs and all the others who struggle with the posting, like I do.

I didn't want to come off as being dismissive, Morgs, like I have my problem solved, was upset that I didn't have my Thursday appointment and now it's no big deal. Because, Morgs, I believe how and where we fit in on the forum and IRL is really important. And beyond where and how we fit in currently, is where and how we want to fit in in the future. Our sense of who we are and who we want to be are all wrapped up in that. And I think if any one of us feels that we aren't getting the support we need, it's important to take a look at those feelings to see where they are coming from. Did we have a conflict with anyone? Could they just be wrapped up in their own stuff that they don't know we want their attention? Are we doing something that is off-putting? If they don't know we want their attention, is there a positive way we can go about getting their attention? If the problem was caused by a conflict, is there something that can be done to address the conflict? And so on and so forth.


So, Morgs, keep sorting through. One day, we will both be stronger for having waded through this muck.

In the spirit of vulnerability everyone else is showing here, I have also struggled (in my short time here) of wondering if some people hate me, because they have posted on (it seems) everyone else's thread but mine. Luckily, I project these kind of thoughts so frequently and consistently (about T, about H, about family members, about friends, or even strangers who look at me the wrong way) that I have just become in the habit of using those sort of thoughts as a reflective exercise. My past habit when I felt those sorts of feelings in an online setting would be to just quit and disappear permanently, feeling as if I were not "good enough" for this place.

Liese
I'm so pleased you've sorted some of the problem and thank you for your words of encouragement and to any of you who reached out also.

I'm totally gobsmacked by what some of you have posted - in a good way - true courage, candour and care!! Much of it was like looking in a mirror Need to read and think a bit before even attempting to post.

This is a great community and I really hope I can become part of it again.
Morgs