I think that you have a really good idea Cat - to take a break since you're already kind of spinning wheels. The time apart might give some fresh energy? Plus, that good old cliche "absence makes the heart grow fonder" might bring some attunement back as well. It will give both of you time to reflect on what was going well, and how to bring that back, or what needs to happen next in order to bring the benefit back to the relationship.

I know that since you're attached, it could be easier said than done, so what if you set up a return date, like 4-6 weeks out, so you know this is truly a break, and not an ending.

Not an easy decision, but I like the way you're looking at it - curb it for the time being, and return in a few weeks or so.

((((CAT))))

Which T said she's not in tune as she'd like to be? I may have missed this if you said it already on another thread but have you tried to talk your T2 about what's going on? Have you talked to T1 about it? (I hope I have the right T here. I have trouble keeping track sometimes which one is which one.) Wondering what they said if you did speak to either one. I know this is really bothering you CAT.

((R2G)) Thank you - and I think you are monte both are right about that breaks CAN be good too (the heart growing fonder, that type of stuff). I'm so strangely ambivalent about this... I'm not sure what needs to happen next I just need consistency back. I think I'm also have trigger whiplash from something that happened when I saw her 2 sessions ago. Thanks for helping me think about this. If I did take a break I would definitely schedule a time to come back to check in on it.

((Monte)) Your sharing helped, thank you... especially that you have left and come back and still been disconnected - I hadn't really thought of that. I think I do have little tolerance for ebb and flow... and, with my Ts I get very freaked out when things are not exactly precisely the same. There are some things that I don't really care about but some I really, really do. So it might be a good learning experience to stay with it also Thanks for helping me think about this... ugh! I will have to talk to T1 on Monday to see if she can help me dig out where I'm actually coming from - and I think she'll say it's that I think T2 doesn't care - she pointed that out last time.

((Liese)) hehe I know it gets confusing sometimes for even me to keep track of my Ts, usually when I refer to 'my T' I usually mean T1 and then adjunct T is usually T2. T2 said she isn't as intune as she'd like to be. T1 and I have had a real amp in our relationship because she's been my life line through this really hard time. So the poor thing is probably WAY MORE INTUNE than she'd ever want to be hehehe I did talk to T2, but... we did some somatic healing there both vocally and physically. I'm... not sure what I'm doing right now. I talked to T1 about it too and we worked out that I feel T2 doesn't care, and we talked about (just like I did with T2) the differences between care and not care and remembering that T2 DOES care. T1 asked for examples, etc. So.. yea... I've talked to them. I am just still not all figured out yet they are very... much about what I want and they help with my thinking/navigating/wondering process but sometimes my process has to go over and over and over and over and over Thanks for your support Liese!

Sorry I might also be talking in circles and kind of crazy right now because I'm waiting for some medicine to take effect to put me down for the night. I'm having a lot of problems right now physically. I feel really bad.

((((CAT))))

I just had a thought. Things seem to be going really great with T1 lately. You seem to trust her a lot more than you used to and feel more at peace with the relationship. What if your relationship with T2 is actually the same as it always was and it's just that your relationship with T1 is so much more attuned now that it has enabled you to pick up on how you feel with T2 and it doesn't feel safe anymore. IDK, just throwing that out there.

Liese - yes, my relationship with T1 is a big factor also. The disconnect with T2 comes primarily from: I see her 2-3x less often than T1 (t2 even agreed with me that it feels like a month between our sessions), T2 triggered me considerably a couple sessions ago, her outside contact policy has gone from her being able to contact me when I would ask to almost no existent out of session contact which may or may not change I don't know.

(((((CAT)))))

Did she change her out of session contact policy with you? When and why? If so, did she explain the change to you?

Liese,

Her out of contact policy has changed for personal life reasons. So it changed for everyone (as far as I know unless she's lying to me about why which I strongly doubt), about 5-6 weeks ago, and she explained.

So RATIONAL LOGICAL Cat... sees the error of her ways here... feeling Cat feels like.... this is a total scam and never going to change and I'm just getting more distant and what is the point and *collapse in a pile and cry*

Pretty much...

(((CAT)))

I'm confused. What is the error of her ways? I wonder if whatever is going on in her personal life is the reason she seems more distracted than usual? It also didn't help at all to have the out of session contact priviliges revoked. The timing there coincides with how long you have been feeling distant from her.

Liese -

There is no 'error' necessarily - what I'm talking about is how I feel - there really isn't anyone to "blame". What is going on in her personal life prevents her from almost all outside contact. So it would be like if your T said you couldn't call him anymore because he's busy and his phone runs out of batteries too fast to get back to you anymore and he'll let you know if/when that changes. And yes, the two are related completely (the distance). That's why I'm thinking of just taking a complete step back from my therapy with her until she can be consistent like she used to be.

What I'm specifically processing in therapy (with T1) is related to feeling "too expressive", and being trapped... I'm on a break from work right now (this was before the distance with T2 started) which is a completely new way of operating for me so I'm going through this absolutely huge shift in my sense of self and processing large chunks of trauma and reclaiming/reframing what I want out of the world and myself. Unfortunately, a lot of it feels magnetized to the fact that I've (literally, in real life RIGHT NOW) had someone abandon me. So it turns the volume up on everything. Even though it's for completely legitimate reasons, and it isn't technically abandonment, to my nervous system, the trauma trapped in my brain, on a deep core implicit level, on an "inner child" level it's like being dumped on the side of a road.

She (t2) has said she is not as in-tune as she would like to be, and I'm not as plugged in to her or our relationship either so it just feels like a huge waste of time until things can change (since either way - either I ride through it, or I just quit and come back later - we have to do relationship repair, trust building, etc because it's been lost on an implicit level - the reasonable part of me can understand a lot about this).

Does that make more sense? It's not that she did anything wrong it's just that things have changed and I'm reacting to those changes and unsure what to do.

((((CAT))))

Thanks for explaining. It all makes a lot of sense. Cat, I was thinking that it would trigger me as well having a T take away a privilege like that - even if I wasn't doing some deep processing but, yes, magnified tenfold if I was. Even though a part of me might understand it, there is a part of me that wouldn't. When I am digging into those difficult emotions, I need to feel like the therapist wants to be there with me and go through it with me as opposed to being less involved with me.

We all need a certain level of safety in order to do this work. Maybe that level is different for different people but whatever it is for you, I'm glad that you are paying attention to your needs. I hate to bring up my touch issue but part of it was that for me, feeling on an emotional level unsafe to do processing. Even though my T won't bend on that, we are chipping away at me not feeling safe and his continued commitment, refusal to abandon me and willingness to struggle alongside of me helps a lot.

I don't know much about your therapy with your somatic T and how much you work on the relationship between the two of you? I think it's great that you've acknowledged that whatever is happening in session is a problem for you and if I remember correctly, you have talked to her a little about it. I hope you can continue to be open with her and perhaps the two of you together can decide what the right thing for you to do at this point in time?

(((((CAT)))))

I'm probably just saying things you already know but I hoped it helped a little.