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I hope this helps. I was and still am struggling with going to therapy. I don't get 100% what i need from therapy, for me it came down to a matter of trust. Only you can decide if your therapy is is helpful or not.
I would listen to my gut when deciding about therapy.
I wish you well
I would listen to my gut when deciding about therapy.
I wish you well
Hey there Puppet, I'm so sorry you're having such a hard time 
.
I like what Draggers says about maybe you having a bit of a scout around for a T who can better meet your needs. Wanting to go twice a week and Ts schedule preventing that is a real stumbling block, I know people do go once a week and get a lot out of therapy, but for me that’s almost worse than useless there’s too much time in between sessions for the status quo to reassert itself. And it sounds like you know you need two sessions a week, I remember you talking about it way back when you first thought about working with her. Is she absolutely adamant that she won’t accommodate you for a second session by working later or in the evening? I understand T boundaries but that’s really making it sound just like a 9-5 job
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From what you’re saying, it doesn’t sound like your T is DOING anything negative, it’s this absence of presence rather and your need for more connection through the week. Have you thought of seeing an adjunct T or doing some sort of group therapy to supplement main therapy? Rather than throw the baby out with the bathwater, think about other options for getting extra support and help that T isn’t able to give…
I’m really sorry you’re struggling though, and it sounds like you’re feeling very defeated and frightened about it all. I do think having a break is a good idea, give yourself some distance and work through some of the more insistent feelings to see what you really want to do about therapy. Christmas is a natural break anyway so it’s not like you’ll be doing something hugely radical or threatening to your therapy.
As for deal breakers, hmmmmmm. I suspect my list is probably really long lol. I think Draggers has it right there too, breaking trust (though I’m not quite sure yet what form that might take, as often I perceive a T as being untrustworthy when it’s my own projections) but definitely if I were shamed or humiliated by a T, that one for sure is a deal breaker, I’d probably never recover from that.
I’m sorry this is so hard for you Puppet and has been for quite some time now. Know that we’re here and will support you no matter what you decide to do. Big hugs to you 
LL
. I like what Draggers says about maybe you having a bit of a scout around for a T who can better meet your needs. Wanting to go twice a week and Ts schedule preventing that is a real stumbling block, I know people do go once a week and get a lot out of therapy, but for me that’s almost worse than useless there’s too much time in between sessions for the status quo to reassert itself. And it sounds like you know you need two sessions a week, I remember you talking about it way back when you first thought about working with her. Is she absolutely adamant that she won’t accommodate you for a second session by working later or in the evening? I understand T boundaries but that’s really making it sound just like a 9-5 job
. From what you’re saying, it doesn’t sound like your T is DOING anything negative, it’s this absence of presence rather and your need for more connection through the week. Have you thought of seeing an adjunct T or doing some sort of group therapy to supplement main therapy? Rather than throw the baby out with the bathwater, think about other options for getting extra support and help that T isn’t able to give…
I’m really sorry you’re struggling though, and it sounds like you’re feeling very defeated and frightened about it all. I do think having a break is a good idea, give yourself some distance and work through some of the more insistent feelings to see what you really want to do about therapy. Christmas is a natural break anyway so it’s not like you’ll be doing something hugely radical or threatening to your therapy.
As for deal breakers, hmmmmmm. I suspect my list is probably really long lol. I think Draggers has it right there too, breaking trust (though I’m not quite sure yet what form that might take, as often I perceive a T as being untrustworthy when it’s my own projections) but definitely if I were shamed or humiliated by a T, that one for sure is a deal breaker, I’d probably never recover from that.
I’m sorry this is so hard for you Puppet and has been for quite some time now
. Know that we’re here and will support you no matter what you decide to do. Big hugs to you LL
thank you so much for your replies! it means a lot to me... i've been comatose with a bad flu so will come back and reply properly later...
puppet
puppet
(((((( Puppet ))))))
quote:i am sick and broken and i can't let go of my T. this is where i am now and i have to accept it.
((((( Puppet )))))
I'm sorry you feel so sick and broken but I understand why you can't leave T - there's no shame in that. I'm glad you've worked your way to this decision though, it is hell being caught between wanting to stay and feeling like it's smarter and healthier to go.
I hope you get a reply from T today and good for you for keeping your appointment - hope you do manage to talk about some of this with T and get a bit of resolution.
Hugs to you Puppet
LL
(((lampers))) thank you so much, you've been so sweet to me!
i havent really worked through this decision, i keep going back and forth... but it does look like i am not ready to leave or think about leaving yet.
had my last session before the break, which was another train wreck in a series of disasters.... something feels really wrong, it might be my total avoidance of the 'break' and what it brings up for me and not addressing it with her, which obviously blew up in my face. emailed her again when i was in agony after my session (which feels like its becoming a bad addiction) but at least feel a bit more stable now after getting some things off my chest. i guess we will have lots to talk about when i'm back next year.
just a quick update and vent. no need to reply but thanks to anyone for reading.
hugs,
puppet
i havent really worked through this decision, i keep going back and forth... but it does look like i am not ready to leave or think about leaving yet.
had my last session before the break, which was another train wreck in a series of disasters.... something feels really wrong, it might be my total avoidance of the 'break' and what it brings up for me and not addressing it with her, which obviously blew up in my face. emailed her again when i was in agony after my session (which feels like its becoming a bad addiction) but at least feel a bit more stable now after getting some things off my chest. i guess we will have lots to talk about when i'm back next year.
just a quick update and vent. no need to reply but thanks to anyone for reading.
hugs,
puppet
Hi puppet... so sorry you are sick with the flu. Being run down and tired don't help, I'm sure.
As for T, well if you are very attached you may want to work out the kinks in the relationship but you will have to be open and honest and really blunt with her about how you feel. As for the second appointment... I find it very helpful and it stabilizes me during the week. I am very fortunate in that I work and live only 5 minutes from T's office so I can see him during lunch hour. He does work two late nights but those appointments are impossible to get, they are held by long-time clients who can't get there during the day.
I'm not sure if there are any real red flags in the relationship to warn you to get away from her, or it's just that you are feeling certain things and projecting feelings onto her. I don't know your situation well enough to comment on that. Your last session that you describe as a train wreck was likely caused by your fear of the break and was exactly what you should have been talking about during that session so she could allay your fears. I'm always out of sorts when approaching a break with my T, even though he's SO good about calming me before he leaves.
Hope you feel better soon. When you re sick everything seems worse.
Hugs
TN
As for T, well if you are very attached you may want to work out the kinks in the relationship but you will have to be open and honest and really blunt with her about how you feel. As for the second appointment... I find it very helpful and it stabilizes me during the week. I am very fortunate in that I work and live only 5 minutes from T's office so I can see him during lunch hour. He does work two late nights but those appointments are impossible to get, they are held by long-time clients who can't get there during the day.
I'm not sure if there are any real red flags in the relationship to warn you to get away from her, or it's just that you are feeling certain things and projecting feelings onto her. I don't know your situation well enough to comment on that. Your last session that you describe as a train wreck was likely caused by your fear of the break and was exactly what you should have been talking about during that session so she could allay your fears. I'm always out of sorts when approaching a break with my T, even though he's SO good about calming me before he leaves.
Hope you feel better soon. When you re sick everything seems worse.
Hugs
TN
thank you so much TN, your post means a lot and it gives me hope. as to the being open and honest part... i think i will leave that for next year, and i might have to start in small steps. its still such a scary unconceivable thing for me.
your post about the letter to your T was really moving and i hope you feel more settled now and can take all the good things in.
happy holidays!
puppet
your post about the letter to your T was really moving and i hope you feel more settled now and can take all the good things in.
happy holidays!
puppet
(((PUPPET)))
The woman T I saw before my current T did this and I didn't find it helpful AT ALL. It felt very invalidating. My current T doesn't do it AT ALL. We talk about what's bothering me - whether it has to do with him or not - and we take it at face value. I needed to have my feelings validated first I think.
I have read that it's not a good idea to make the connections back to the past for some people and it sounds to me like it's not working for you. Is that something you can talk to her about? If you interviewed new T's, I guess you could ask if they work in the present or if they make connections back to the past.
Puppet, that was huge for me. I have always really appreciated that current T does not do that. Something to think about.
quote:but whenever i say something about her, she brings it back to my past.
The woman T I saw before my current T did this and I didn't find it helpful AT ALL. It felt very invalidating. My current T doesn't do it AT ALL. We talk about what's bothering me - whether it has to do with him or not - and we take it at face value. I needed to have my feelings validated first I think.
I have read that it's not a good idea to make the connections back to the past for some people and it sounds to me like it's not working for you. Is that something you can talk to her about? If you interviewed new T's, I guess you could ask if they work in the present or if they make connections back to the past.
Puppet, that was huge for me. I have always really appreciated that current T does not do that. Something to think about.