FFOTW - I don't know that I can offer any advice, but I can sympathize with you, as I am working through the same situation myself. I was never allowed to express anything, which translated in my body to never being allowed to feel anything. And anger especially feels scary because in my life, anger always meant violence.

T has been incredibly patient with me as we go over and over and over the different responses and reactions to feelings, especially anger. Every time I feel anger, I get scared that violence will follow, which T has proven over and over that it doesn't happen that way in the rest of the world. Instead, anger can be and is expressed in words, and doesn't necessarily result in an explosion - Example being when I did something I wasn't supposed to and then worried that T would be mad at me. She wasn't, which surprised me. But then she explained that she wasn't happy with what I did, but she didn't explode or get mad or anything, instead we talked.

She's also suggested journaling when I'm angry and just letting the thoughts flow- not editing or anything. I can then either keep that journal, or tear it up. Punching a pillow, screaming into a pillow, cleaning, finding other outlets to release my anger instead of holding it in and waiting for the explosion... all are helpful.

Bottom line is that when I thought I was getting rid of my anger, stuffing it or ignoring it, really it was staying bottled up inside and then yes, it would explode at the wrong time in the wrong way. So we're working on being ok with feeling anger, talking through it, and then letting it go. It is hard work, but slowly it's starting to feel less alien!

FFOTW
I also come from a foo where feelings were not permitted so totally get where you are coming from. I am just learning to name feelings and t and i are literally building a dictionary together for me; where we start with where the feeling is inside me, maybe what colour it is, if it is a welcome or not welcome before we move on to try and give the feeling a name. We do this over a number of sessions at not all at once as t doesn't want me overwhelmed with the work. The angry feeling is a very difficult one when it has been supressed for so long as I am just finding out for myself. I agree with Room2Grow about some of the less destructive ways to get rid of anger as turning it in on oneself is not good. T did explain one day when I could hear her properly, that feelings can seem really frightening things when we first experience them becuase they are something unknown to people like me who never got to have them as a child or adult until right now in my 40's. The reason t and I are going back to basics with words for feelings like Mr Sad or Ms Happy is so that I can learn to identify them by the right name, then what they are like inside and then explore in safety what they mean without getting overwhelmed like i still do with feelings from time to time. I'm not suggesting that you need to go as back to basics as I have, this is just from personal experience thats all thats making feelings less frightening. I really do get angry being scary, I just turn that feeling the wrong way in on me and the results are never good. Can you try some of Room2Grows suggestions for getting it out, also continue to talk to t about feelings. When I told t last week that feelings suck and she could keep them, she very patiently listened and told me that "yes sometimes they do and right now that 'suckiness' level is big time for you because you are learning a new language literally and getting the basic emotional, linguistic, social education about feelings that was denied to you", btw the 'sucky' feeling in question was angry too.
Hope you can find a way to work through this
JMB

Yes, I can totally relate - though may not be able to offer advice as I'm just now working through and recognizing it all. In addition to hearing, "stop that crying or I'll give you something to cry about" my mother had a favorite phrase, "when you're 18 you can have your own feelings."

We (us kids) could not be sad or angry or hurt or sick or anything. Heck, we couldn't even be happy. Now I'm an adult and can't even recognize or name the feelings that are getting stirred in me as I go through therapy.

I do recognize anger - a lot of it. As an adult I use this anger in ways like sledge-hammering apart a wooden hot tub and surrounding, digging 2 feet gardens in the yard, cleaning the house ferociously....usually things that cause my body to feel physical pain because emotional pain is too hard and not allowed.

Lately, my T has been gently suggesting I sit with the anger and feel deeper - that the anger is a surface emotion for pain and fear. She is right. I've done a lot of inner work and feeling sad lately. I know it is necessary for healing, but sometimes I still think anger is more productive.

Thank you all for the wonderful replys. Anger and fear both emotions I split off many yrs ago are working hard at becoming part of me again, I find I can feel anger bodyu in a different way now a way I can't deny, also fear, I am feeling fear in lots of situations I previously didn't and its horrible but I guess until I take back ownership completely it will feel foreign. Its only now as I become aware of these feelings I realise how numb I have been most of my life, taking directions from outside of me as to how one should be feeling rathern then checking in with my own self.