Mind is telling me it will only take a few weeks before I have another session, on the other hand brain is saying it could still take months. I am somewhere in between the two.

There will be a struggle soon about needing and not needing to contact him. I'm ok today about no contact, and I know separation anxiety awaits. I saw that feeling in Mr Lewis Kats eyes this morning prior to him being fed, and brushed. " Is everything still ok with us," his eyes asked. After his needs were met, he let out a mournful meow to be let out the door. His furry flag was erect, and he was ready to face the world again.

When I was consciously trying to fight those needs with my mother, far too often I gave into them. That invisible elastic band of need could only stretch so far before I arrived at her door begging for what never came. We were never ok with each other.

Upon leaving those visits, I promised never to put myself through it again. I left before the anger showed. And when that went into simmer, back I went with the same yearning to connect with Ma. I fought futility for thirty two years until she sensed I no longer needed her nothingness. Mother moved down south then and tried her luck with my sister.

By then my need to connect had been transferred onto T along with the anger I had towards Ma. I was emotionally dependent on him to have my need to vent that anger, and feel safe enough to do it. My need to feel worthy is still wavering to this day. My need to be emotionally independent of him/her flits between an erectus tail to it being in between my legs.

Another timely one Blu?