I actually managed to have a bit of a tantrum yesterday in my session. I began it with "I hate it when I am told I am abnormal when I am being normal." so sweetP asked what did I mean exactly - could I give an example?
So I said that the holding issue was a good example. I want him to give me a cuddle as I feel small and hurting and he doesn't and I feel angry and he tells me that he won't hold me or put his arm round me "and I am actually totally normal and you are the one who is ABNORMAL!" (suppressed chuckle from sweetP)

AND
[ i am on a roll]

you are also a STUPID MAN cos anyone else knows that if a child is hurting you put an arm around them but YOU link touch to sexual touch and you men are all the same! I HATE YOU! [I nearly threw my teddy at him at this point but I was needing teddy to hug].

Then I tell him that NORMAL people give me a hug when I am upset and so he is OFF the SCALE ABNORMAL and I hate him so much I could kick him hard in the shins.

[sweetP is still trying to look solemn and understanding and yet is obviously fighting hard not to laugh out loud]

"And if you were the last person on the planet and everyone needed a hug to survive I would leave you to the last of the queue and then REFUSE to hug you. Or if you needed a hug cos you were dying, I would say "No, I will not" and I would walk away. You are a stupid man, a stupid stupid man, and I hate you. I really do."

then I went bright red and cried into my bear.

Then sweetP asks if he can say something and I shout "No!" and he asks again and I shoot him a very angry look. i tell him that I feel sorry for him and in fact I PITY him as he is obviously SO out of touch with his feelings and he cannot touch his clients and I feel sorry for all his clients, past present and future for having such a stupid man who cannot touch them and that I am SORRY for them and for him and I feel superior and now I feel much better!"

I take a deep breath and then I tell him that his asking of me to explain how I hurt around the not holding issue, is like him trapping my fingers in a door and then stepping back and asking " Would you like to tell me how you feel about this?"

You, you stupid man, YOU have caused this pain and NO I am NOT going to tell you how much you are hurting me! AND I don't want to know what your head theories are about it and what your textbook learning says on it."

Again he asks if I would mind if he says something and again I shout NO!

He gently says that my need to be held and my crossness for him not holding me, are both utterly normal.

I shout back "well, that doesn't help me DOES it!"

And I then go on to say that I am not even telling him all this to PERSUADE him to hold me as I will NEVER EVER EVER ask him to hold me EVER , he is the last person in the whole wide world I would EVER ask to hold me. He missed his chance.

Then I sit there feeling much better.

He asks "how do I feel saying all that?"

"Much better thank you, cos you are a stupid man and I do hate you."

At which we both laugh.

And I give him two candle/tealight holders that I made on camp with his name on them and they are like the gifts made by an 8 yr old, and I thank him for how good he is to me.

Funny thing, therapy.