Wynne,
It's really good to hear from you! That is really awesome that you talked to your group about what happened to you. It's really important to be able to talk about what happened to us and have other people hear and understand.

I can really understand why you would be reluctant to speak after the way your parents reacted. They should have been the first ones to hear and protect you and instead they demanded an unreasonable level of proof. And teaching you that speaking up is a bad thing.

It was incredibly courageous of you to take the step of sharing this in group and I hope that the reaction you got teaches you that speaking about it is a good thing instead.

I'm sorry you struggle with whether you're making too big a deal of it, that must make it even more difficult to deal with. I really believe that you deserve to be heard and to heal and to know that you matter. A lot.

AG

quote:

Originally posted by Hummingbird:
If your experience is anything like mine, then it goes a lot deeper than simply "telling", it is changing your whole way of being and having to let go of the only protection you have. It is terrifying and the most worthwhile thing you can do for yourself.
HB

It is like that for me, HB. And getting close to giving those up is starting to even affect me professionally for brief periods of time. Like, the thinking that maybe I'm just crazy and I suck and I should buck up and all that jazz? Doesn't go over well when you're talking to your boss. I miss the confidence and protection I had in _all_ parts of my life when I wasn't dealing with or believing this stuff.

AG,
I didn't tell them what happened so much as give what happened a name. I was afraid that they'd blame me? for it happening to me? And that's not crazytalk, either: at one point, when I told the group about participating in some of the crazy@$$ $(*# that my dad did when he was psychotically manic, one of them asked me, "Well, what were you doing _____ (hauling on that giant steel table/putting your mom in a dangerous situation/at the junkyard, insert lots of stories, etc etc) in the first place?"

But I told them that what had happened to me when I was a kid that I hadn't told them about yet was sexual abuse, they listened and were cool with it, even though I didn't tell them what happened. I called it that, even though all the time I hear (in my head) no it's not that, that's silly, that's something that happens to other people, other people who _really_ have that happen have ___ happen to them (insert whatever condition doesn't apply to me), it doesn't count 'cause there wasn't ___ (insert whatever ridiculous condition my head comes up with again), it wasn't that bad, it's not important, stop talking, it didn't really happen, you're making it up, you're overreacting, if it'd happened someone would have helped you, how could they _not_ have helped you, they would have remembered what you told them and done something, someday.

*ponders* Denial is really funny when you write it all out like that.

quote:

*ponders* Denial is really funny when you write it all out like that.

So keep writing... here, there, and anywhere. It's your voice and it sounds good despite the terrible truths there are behind it.

You can keep writing or talking about all the ifs, ands, and buts until you run out of them, and that's ok. Because I believe you and I think everyone else here does to.

JM

quote:

Denial is really funny when you write it all out like that.

You know Wynne, I really wish denial worked, too. I have often longed not to see the holes in the logic of denial (like the rest of my f.o.o.). I remember when my mom would say really awful things to my brother and I, and we would be upset, my dad would swoop in with all the comfort of a bed of nails and say "just let it go in one ear and out the other." WTF is that? I mean, really? Does that work for ANYONE? Who hears their mother tell them to leave and never come back and ISN'T bothered by it?

Anyway, I am glad you gave your issue a name. I imagine that was very difficult, and I am proud of you for being willing to step outside the sickness that is denial. I encourage you to practice validating your experience outside of the context of comparison. Imagine it was your kid or sister or friend that this happened to... would you tell them that it wasn't that bad? That it's not important? That they're overreacting? Often, learning to be gentle with ourselves is one of the hardest parts of recovery. Accepting what has happened to me without judging myself for it is a struggle I face daily, and I often still lose. But I know i have to do it.

I'd like to share one of the best things my T ever said to me: I had been talking about how I see myself the way my mother always saw herself (stupid, useless, worthless, etc.). My T said "Why are you so content to judge yourself based on the perceptions and actions of a F***** up person?" I had never thought of it like that before- it was the most impactful thing she has ever said. I hope that you do not continue to judge your experience based on the reactions of the people around you. I know it's easier said than done, but it is my hope for you nonetheless.

-CT

quote:

it wasn't that bad, it's not important, stop talking, it didn't really happen, you're making it up, you're overreacting, if it'd happened someone would have helped you, how could they _not_ have helped you, they would have remembered what you told them and done something, someday.

*ponders* Denial is really funny when you write it all out like that.

Wynne...

I think you minimize your experience too much. The severity of the abuse is not important....what is important is how you internalized it and your deep felt reaction to your experience.
It was horrible for you...but because you see others as having had more extreme abuses. You may believe that yours was insignificant. It was not! I guess I would just like you to understand that and know that we understand it too.

I had some really horrific experiences and most of them I would not dare post in the open forum. But my reaction to them is no different than yours. I may have developed a more extreme way of coping with it but the emotional responses are the same. We are not that different...and my experience of abuse is no more "valid" than yours.

Denial exists in every "state"....hmmmm....multiple meanings there
It's a HUGE city and way too overcrowded. I've lived there myself but decided I HAD to move! It's way too dangerous and painful there.

SD

Unfortunately it seems that the only ways out denial city are through those awful crime-ridden suburbs of guilt, self-loathing, doubt, shame and fear. At least that is were I usually get stuck when I run out of gas.

Wynne,

I was never sexually abused, but I was the victim of a form of humiliation during the same time frame; middle school. As you're learning, it takes one hell of a lot of courage to talk about that stuff. It takes guts to get it out, then to talk about the details is ever harder, but talking about the details is critical because you are then able to define exactly what it was, and then you can start to quiet all those voices and work through it. Keep at it.

quote:

Originally posted by Chronically Transferred:
"just let it go in one ear and out the other." WTF is that? I mean, really? Does that work for ANYONE? Who hears their mother tell them to leave and never come back and ISN'T bothered by it?

to paraphrase my T, when a parent says someone like that to a child it's like shooting them in the stomach with a shotgun.

quote:

Originally posted by Chronically Transferred:
"Why are you so content to judge yourself based on the perceptions and actions of a F***** up person?"
-CT

That one might just go on the fridge. Brilliant.

Russ

quote:

even though all the time I hear (in my head) no it's not that, that's silly, that's something that happens to other people, other people who _really_ have that happen have ___ happen to them (insert whatever condition doesn't apply to me), it doesn't count 'cause there wasn't ___ (insert whatever ridiculous condition my head comes up with again), it wasn't that bad, it's not important, stop talking, it didn't really happen, you're making it up, you're overreacting, if it'd happened someone would have helped you, how could they _not_ have helped you, they would have remembered what you told them and done something, someday.

*ponders* Denial is really funny when you write it all out like that.

Wynne, I am so sorry you suffered as a child, both from the person who abused you and from your parents. I could have written the above. I also have lots of qualifiers that mean it wasn't that bad or shouldn't still be affecting me. I told my parents and while they didn't accuse me of lying what they did was say "we'll get you help" and then I went to bed and they never mentioned it again. I remember months of thinking they will do something sometime, right. They really aren't going to leave me alone.

I think it is great you could tell your group even the name. Keep telling as much as you can online or in group. I have found that the honest reactions of my T, my husband, the couple of close friends I have told this year and the support I have received online has done more to challenge the denial I have lived in than any of the thinking, analyzing, rationalizing over the last 30 years I've done in my mind.

I don't think I'm very much further on this journey than you because I still struggle with the denial but I am thinking of you and wishing you well.

Wynne,
I was very moved by your post - it really struck a chord with me. It makes perfect sense to me that Telling would feel very difficult based on the reactions you had from your parents in the past. I'm so glad that you made the leap to share and also that your sharing was received respectfully by the folks in your group.

I'm impressed by all the insight offered by all the folks in this forum already - i would like to "me too" a lot of what has been said. The only other thing that i think of is something that i have been working on lately with my T... the idea that we can't simply judge events as 'big deal' or 'no biggie' on some sort of Richter scale of human suffering/experience. To say 'this shouldn't be a big deal or affect me because other people have been through worse' isn't an accurate measure of an experience.

So when I say in sessions "Whatever, it wasn't a big deal, I shouldn't have this big a reaction to it" my T's response is to say "If you're having a big reaction to it, then it was a big deal."

Not sure if this feels useful to you, but it has been a good thing for me to work on. I don't think I've really internalized it yet, but I'm trying to...

HB:

quote:

So yea, Wynne even though your head is saying this doesn't really apply and it wasn't really like that, it is time to start listening to that part of you that knows better, that part that knows exactly how it was and how it felt.

SC:

quote:

So when I say in sessions "Whatever, it wasn't a big deal, I shouldn't have this big a reaction to it" my T's response is to say "If you're having a big reaction to it, then it was a big deal."

Incognito:

quote:

I think it is great you could tell your group even the name. Keep telling as much as you can online or in group.

Russ:

quote:

It takes guts to get it out, then to talk about the details is ever harder, but talking about the details is critical because you are then able to define exactly what it was, and then you can start to quiet all those voices and work through it. Keep at it.

River:

quote:

Unfortunately it seems that the only ways out denial city are through those awful crime-ridden suburbs of guilt, self-loathing, doubt, shame and fear.

SD:

quote:

Denial exists in every "state"....hmmmm....multiple meanings there Wink
It's a HUGE city and way too overcrowded. I've lived there myself but decided I HAD to move! It's way too dangerous and painful there. Smiler

CT:

quote:

I encourage you to practice validating your experience outside of the context of comparison. Imagine it was your kid or sister or friend that this happened to... would you tell them that it wasn't that bad? That it's not important? That they're overreacting? Often, learning to be gentle with ourselves is one of the hardest parts of recovery. Accepting what has happened to me without judging myself for it is a struggle I face daily, and I often still lose. But I know i have to do it.

JM:

quote:

So keep writing... here, there, and anywhere. It's your voice and it sounds good despite the terrible truths there are behind it.

You can keep writing or talking about all the ifs, ands, and buts until you run out of them, and that's ok. Because I believe you and I think everyone else here does to.

Best responses ever. I live with a housemate, so this isn't exactly going on the fridge. But I've been struggling the past many days with going _back_ to group after having told them that. I hearing that I'm a horrible liar, that I shouldn't go back, that now they're going to want me to talk about it, that once they really know it all they'll think I'm bad and weak and... and it keeps going. But I read these things and it calms me down a bit. I wanted to thank ya'll.

I got the idea from the replies that other folks have things that make them feel this way?

quote:

Originally posted by Wynne:
...that once they really know it all they'll think I'm bad and weak and... and it keeps going.

Wynne,

This cracks me up. This whole b.s. macho idea that it's "weak" to talk about insanely painful things. It's all part of the twisted image of male strength that our broken culture has created and crammed down our throats...you know, "suck it up, it's not that bad," "be a man, don't be so sensitive," "did we hurt your precious feelings? awwwwww that's too bad." it's all 100%, grade-A, All American b.s.

roughing up some guy on the athletic field isn't toughness. having the guts to get to the bottom of your neurosis, that is toughness.

Russ

I'm not a guy, Russ, but I think I can kind-of imagine the macho-pressure that you're talking about. I think I deal a little more with being called an overly sensitive person, overreacting, that sort of thing.

Different flavor, same kinda b.s., I think.

quote:

Originally posted by Wynne:
I'm not a guy, Russ, but I think I can kind-of imagine the macho-pressure that you're talking about. I think I deal a little more with being called an overly sensitive person, overreacting, that sort of thing.

Different flavor, same kinda b.s., I think.

Oh no!!! Sorry Wynne!! I thought I'd read in another post you referring to yourself as a dude. My mistake...how embarrassing!

Anyway, you're right, same b.s., slightly different look. And I'll add that you have more guts than I do being in group. I'm not sure I could swing that.

Russ

No worries, man. It don't bother me. And I appreciate your take on things.

quote:

quote: Originally posted by Chronically Transferred:
"Why are you so content to judge yourself based on the perceptions and actions of a F***** up person?"
-CT

That one might just go on the fridge. Brilliant.

I'm glad you liked that one Russ!


And SC-

quote:

So when I say in sessions "Whatever, it wasn't a big deal, I shouldn't have this big a reaction to it" my T's response is to say "If you're having a big reaction to it, then it was a big deal."

Thank you for sharing this! I have never thought of it that way and will have to let that marinate a bit! Thanks for making me think!


Wynne, I am glad that you seem to be benefitting from some of the support we all are offering you. When you get scared/nervous at group T, it might be helpful to visualize all of our little icons standing behind you, focusing all of our energy on listening to and supporting you (kinda like those verizon wireless network commercials) . Be confident that, no matter what anyone in the group T thinks, says or does, there is always a group of people walking with you who believe you, support you and want to hear your voice. Please continue fighting and challenging the denial- it obviously isn't where you want to live and we are all willing to help you move. Keep packing, one box at a time. We aren't going anywhere-- we're still packing our own boxes too!

I admire your bravery and LOVE hearing your voice (the one that sneaks out from behind the lies it's caregivers told it for so long). Your authenticity is a precious thing and I am enjoying experiencing it with you.

-CT

Russ
Wynne

I'm not a guy and I'm not American and still managed to get the "suck it up, it's not that bad" message....mmm must be universal and non-gender specific...

LOS

Gosh, in my family it was "buck up and get on with it. That's life."

How about, "Stop that crying, or I'll give you something to cry about." Hmmmm....... wonder why I can't cry today?

quote:

Stop that crying, or I'll give you something to cry about."

Mom?? Dad?? Is that you??????

You ever think about how moronic that remark really is. I mean if we didn't already have something to cry about why the H are we crying in the first place?

Oh how I'd love to go back in time and give that little girl a little courage to reply, "Haven't you already done enough?"

quote:

"Haven't you already done enough?"

JM,
What a perfect thing to say! I would like to go back with you and cheer you on, then we could go see my parents.

AG

quote:

Originally posted by Just Me:
Oh how I'd love to go back in time and give that little girl a little courage to reply, "Haven't you already done enough?"

I think mine would be more along the lines of, "hey dad, just curious. why are you such an enormous a*$hole to me? and were you born this way, or did you take some kind of course in it?"

quote:

I mean if we didn't already have something to cry about why the H are we crying in the first place?

JM

LOL!! That also goes along with asking how to spell a word and they say, "Look it up in the dictionary." Well, if I could look it up in the dictionary, then I wouldn't need to ask you how to spell it!!!!

quote:

I think mine would be more along the lines of, "hey dad, just curious. why are you such an enormous a*$hole to me? and were you born this way, or did you take some kind of course in it?"

LOL...good one Russ. I think my Dad took that course too. Makes me want to say..."grab those boot straps Dad....I'm about to give you the wedgie of your life!"

And PL....I heard that one too...I just had to shoot him a glance....like DUH!!! Gee I hadn't thought about that...while standing with the damn dictionary in my hand. How can well educated intelligent people say such dumb things to their kids?

The one that really echos in my head is the good ol.... "Stop crying before I really give you something to cry about."

Here's another one...right before he was about to woodshed me...he would say "This is going to hurt me much more than it will hurt you." I always wondered who the hell he was talking to.

He used to grab me by the shoulders and shake the livin' s**t out of me, my head whipping back and forth. It made me hyperventilate so bad that he had to hold me still and tell me to breathe. Ummmm....Dad? I will if you will stop shaking the breath right out of me.... (I passed out a couple of times...scared the crap out of my mother as she passively looked on) C'mon Mom...get with the program...are you really going to let this continue to happen?
Hmmmm.....

SD

Guys

amazing how this has stirred things up..SD what a horrible memory to have. I cried when I read it.

Yeah, the 'I'll give you something to cry about' seems to be universal but I have a few more in my repertoire!! Not so much of the 'suck it up' variety but of the 'you don't matter and who are you anyway' variety...

'It's no-one, it's Lady'(in response to 'who's at the door?')
'You don't know how lucky you were' (I'm the youngest of a big family...)
'I don't remember you' (older brother...)
'Gosh, it even looks nice on Lady'...(older sister when trying on clothes in a store)
'Don't get married until I'm gone' (father on death of mother...)
'Where were you until this hour?' slap, slap, slap (at 17 yrs old and only at 11:00 pm)
'Don't say that about your brother' slap, slap, slap until I wet myself...10 yrs old
'You don't pay me enough attention' (father at a family function)
'You need to make allowances for me..I'm getting old' (father always...)

mmm Don't know quite what I've started here...sounds a bit rambling...apologies

LOS

quote:

Originally posted by soulfuldaze:

He used to grab me by the shoulders and shake the livin' s**t out of me, my head whipping back and forth...

SD

This really makes me want to punch someone repeatedly in the face.

quote:

Originally posted by Lady of Shallot:
'It's no-one, it's Lady'(in response to 'who's at the door?')
'You don't know how lucky you were' (I'm the youngest of a big family...)
'I don't remember you' (older brother...)
'Gosh, it even looks nice on Lady'...(older sister when trying on clothes in a store)
'Don't get married until I'm gone' (father on death of mother...)
'Where were you until this hour?' slap, slap, slap (at 17 yrs old and only at 11:00 pm)
'Don't say that about your brother' slap, slap, slap until I wet myself...10 yrs old
'You don't pay me enough attention' (father at a family function)
'You need to make allowances for me..I'm getting old' (father always...)

mmm Don't know quite what I've started here...sounds a bit rambling...apologies
LOS

btw, did anyone ever have their mouth washed out with soap? i did. that was fun. thanks, Mom.

and LOS, my dad never laid a hand on me...mostly because i think human contact freaks him out, but what i heard was in the same ballpark as yours:

"don't make me a grandfather" (dad's heartfelt talk about sex with me)

"if you're growing your hair long because you like the way it looks, that's one thing. but if you're doing it to piss me off, that's another" (uh, ok Dad)

"ah bullshit" (default response to any of my political opinions)

"you're very lucky to have such a great family" (ok, Mom. i guess that's why i'm in therapy three times a week)

I used to get "If you are going to cry I'll give you something to cry about" but my particular favourites were the ones they really believed and tried to make me believe.

My mom used to say don't cry (ever was implied) because people don't like to be around sad people and you will never have friends. People only like to be around happy people. When I did have friend problems she could then blame it on my moods.

When I grew up her favourite "none of my kids ever .... complained about being spanked, ignored, threatened, or felt neglected (insert anything I felt or expressed here) EXCEPT YOU". I'm one of six kids so this always proves to her that I'm the problem. I've never pointed out that just because she hasn't heard the others complain doesn't mean they haven't or perhaps she should notice that some of her kids have limited their contact with her to twice a year for very short visits (even though they live very close).

Wow it was fun getting that out.

quote:

This really makes me want to punch someone repeatedly in the face.

Thanks Russ...you're my hero....I wish I'd had a big brother like you. The care in your reply actually made me cry tonight. And for that...I am very grateful to you. I haven't had a tear touch my cheek in over a year. And it's time. I am afraid that once I start I won't be able to stop.

I didn't tell that story to garner sympathy...but I do appreciate your reaction. I guess the thing that bugs me the most in remembering that piece is the confusion it causes in me. In reading it back...I realized that I didn't say my father actually held me close to him, in a nurturing way to calm me down. (Sometimes it would work and sometimes it just made me gasp more. I was 10 years old.) Sometimes he would hold me in front of him by my shoulders....but other times he pulled me in, his voice changed and he became the soothing father figure that I wished he would always be.
It really screwed me up to have that contradiction. The other piece that I didn't reveal is the fact that both of my parents are medical professionals...My father a physician....my mother a nurse. Another huge contradiction...(like the barbers kid never gets a haircut)...I didn't get much care or concern for my safety or welfare. It was so strange to see them care for other children in such a kind way...and not receive any of that for myself.

I had a really tough session today...and I'm totally screwed up right now and have convinced myself that I am just not smart enough to sort myself out. It makes me sad because I've worked so hard. I'm a bit lost right now. But I have to get it out...so I'm here. My T will be gone for a couple of weeks...so not a good time to start crying...but...oh well. I suppose I'll get it together...I usually do. And life goes on...or it doesn't.
I'm so pathetic...it make me want to puke. I guess it's a good thing I'm currently being anorexic.
I'm so totally f---ed up.

What I'm trying to say...in some clumsy way...is thank you for being you.


HB...thank you too, for your kindness...it was really bad...and thinking about it has had a big impact on me today. It wasn't the worst thing that happened to me...but it was so confusing that it brings up alot of stuff. I really appreciate your support and caring.

SD

quote:

I had a really tough session today...and I'm totally screwed up right now and have convinced myself that I am just not smart enough to sort myself out. It makes me sad because I've worked so hard. I'm a bit lost right now. But I have to get it out...so I'm here. My T will be gone for a couple of weeks...so not a good time to start crying...but...oh well. I suppose I'll get it together...I usually do. And life goes on...or it doesn't.
I'm so pathetic...it make me want to puke. I guess it's a good thing I'm currently being anorexic.
I'm so totally f---ed up.

Oh SD

This couldn't be ANY farther from the truth!!! First of all, you have given me especially, and I'm sure I speak for others, so much intelligent advice. Your kindness and thoughtfulness is such a comfort for me. Remember the puppy??? You made me feel so good by taking the time to share that with me and for me. And then all of your other drawings that you have shared with us, are amazing.

You are not the least bit pathetic. You are having a rough time right now and all of us can truly understand your pain. It sucks that your T will be gone for a few weeks. Go ahead and scream your head off about that. It is totally unfair! So, what will you do until you can see your T again? Draw? Exercise? Plan events with friends? Talk to us? You have proven that you are strong, you can do this.

You have an amazing sense of humor. I love the jokes you posted on the other thread. I should have said something there, but they really made me laugh. Especially the one in the Dr. office.

SD, please take good care of yourself. You are important to me, and to all of us here. Let us know how you are feeling, good or bad. We can take it, we've all been there.

PL

Thanks PL...

I'm recovering...a little. I'm still feeling pretty damn dumb. But it could be the drugs.
I curled up with my blankie for a little while, but sleep is eluding me. I don't know how long that will last...could be a day or two, the way that I am...but I doubt it. I may be crashing...and may need to re-think the Anti-D thing.
You know the old joke about falling? "It's not the fall that hurts...it's the sudden stop at the end." I may have to endure that...*sigh* again. But not to worry...I have another T for support and I'll probably see her while my primary T is away. I'm not sure...since I really need to make a decision in that matter and I know I need to do it soon. Another pressure that I can't deal with right now.

I appreciate your words of encouragement. Thank you so much.

SD

SD,

You're very welcome, although I sure hope I didn't trigger a wave of awfulness for you. I just have a real visceral response to stories of child abuse like that; the image of a big person shaking a little young person....that stuff enrages me. I just think people who abuse children deserve "special" attention for their acts.

As for the crying, I cried twice in probably 15 or 20 years before starting therapy 10 months ago. Now I cry all the time. It doesn't always make me feel better, and sometimes it makes me feel worse, but at least I feel something. So I think it might be a good sign that you are starting to cry.

quote:

...have convinced myself that I am just not smart enough to sort myself out.

Oh man, I got through this all the time. Because I still feel like hell most days, I feel like I'm too "dumb" for therapy and that I'm not "getting it." I'm sure this is a VERY common pattern for people in therapy. It's like your sitting there, waiting for something to sink in, to click, to change...some "AH HA!" moment where the whole thing finally takes a turn for the better.

Maybe it works that way for some people, but for a lot of people (like us) insight comes in drips and drabs. I'd prefer a shattering and dramatic bolt-of-lightning kind of thing - and it'd be super nice if this happened in exactly 1 minute from now - but I don't think it's gonna happen like that.

I am also not taking ADs. I've tried 4 of them, and they just make me feel 10 times worse. If there was one out there that actually made me feel, you know, better, I'd take it tomorrow. But alas, I just take my low dose benzo as needed.

Anyway, I hope you're feeling better today...and I sure hope I didn't trigger you into a worse place. That's the last thing I want to do to anyone.

Russ

(((((SD)))))
I just wanted to say I'm sorry for your hurt and wish I had something magical I could say to make it all better. I just hope you feel cared for and less alone when you're with us. I hate the image of you as a child being struck and shaken and hurt like that. My father wasn't usually physically abusive as "I recall." There were a couple times he grabbed me by the hair and screamed at me , he did knock me out of a chair once, and a time he pinned me up against the refrigerator and threatened to do more harm. I live with mostly the meanest and dirtiest looks imaginable that told me he hated and despised me and verbal abuse and name calling. I was hitting on this stuff in session yesterday but it feels like it is still so suppressed. I wish we could start a hurt little boys and girls club for our child selves to go and to know they were not the only ones enduring the bad behavior of adults in their lives and to learn that it was not ok for that to happen to them.

And you probably have no idea how helpful you are to me in acknowledging and accepting my own discoveries and encouraging me to trust what I am feeling. You are very intelligent. You're just very hurt. The only thing F'd up is the way you were treated by those who were supposed to love you, care for you, and protect you. I'm so sorry.

JM

quote:

Originally posted by Wynne:
So many of you are working on recovering from Very Bad Stuff that happened - everyone has bad stuff, to be honest, and I know everybody responds to it differently.

I'm working on Telling. I'm in group T (Tfella) with my old T and individual therapy with my new T (CalmT). I've been in the group for about 7 months now - it's a group filled with all different sorts of folks, with all different sorts of issues - depression, anxiety, eating disorders, lotsa stuff. Sometimes I feel like it's "Quick! Find a bunch of folks with Issues and put them in a fishbowl with 2 Ts, stat!"

I've talked about the stuff with my dad - wee bit psychotically manic sometimes, threatened to kill me, the usual. But there's been something I haven't managed to tell them, that happened to me for a while when I was younger, middle school like. We talked for a while on Wednesday about how to create a safe space where I felt like I could talk about it, and I actually brought it up with much coaxing. They were all pretty great about it.

I haven't managed to bring it up to CalmT yet, though, though I told him that there's something I'm not ready to talk about yet.

I go back and forth on it. It wasn't really what I think it was, it wasn't that bad, I'm making a big deal out of nothing, it happens to everybody and everybody deals with it without being all flipped-out sensitive...

At the time I told my 'rents what was happened, and they didn't believe me. They asked to see some physical evidence or bruises or something (there weren't any). And now I have a really hard time telling.

I am so sorry!! it is really hard to tell...

I talk to my mom about my sexual abuse as a kid. And she told me that it couldn't of been that bad....

=( Take your time.. you will talk when you are ready

quote:

Originally posted by Transferencegrl85:

I talk to my mom about my sexual abuse as a kid. And she told me that it couldn't of been that bad....

Transferencegrl85,

I sure hope you discuss this with your therapist, because that's kind of like telling someone who's been run over by a train then dragged 100 miles down the tracks that it couldn't have been that bad.

Russ

quote:

Originally posted by Russ:

quote:

Originally posted by Transferencegrl85:

I talk to my mom about my sexual abuse as a kid. And she told me that it couldn't of been that bad....

Transferencegrl85,

I sure hope you discuss this with your therapist, because that's kind of like telling someone who's been run over by a train then dragged 100 miles down the tracks that it couldn't have been that bad.

Russ

GREAT analogy Russ....^^^^^^^^^^^^^

Ummmm....what he said....TGL ^^^^^^^^^^^^

SD