Hey, sorry I have been gone, you guys. I know it's not a big deal to retreat and take care of myself when I need to, but I wanted you all to know I have been reading all your threads and thinking of you, praying, sending mental hugs and sometimes supporting in private. I basically haven't been able to post anything without hating myself and being sure everyone else in this world will feel the same. I know some of you guys will understand.

I am, rather selfishly, taking a step back in and trying to feel safe about it, because H is leaving town tomorrow for two weeks and I need all the resources I can get for support. But, also, because there are a number of threads I have wanted to respond to and couldn't while I had myself on this "no posting" rule. It may take me some time to get caught up and I'm sorry if I don't get to everyone, but that is a matter of time and not a matter of care!!!

As a brief update, I am working on some major stuff with T. Some deep pain. Some shame. I told him about something that came up (part of which I know is true and the other, younger part I am trying to suspend judgment on) which I thought I would never be able to say to another human on the face of the earth and he was very comforting. He has been offering 2-3 sessions per week, sometimes staying in town to meet with me and fitting in some extra clients at the same time. There were some fuzzy boundary issues in our session yesterday, but I'm not feeling scared or disrupted by it, actually mostly just protective of HIM against ME (the strange man says that's HIS job to worry about). He's not perfect, but he is safe and steadily just present for us and it is going a long way. Anyway, that's it. I might still not be sharing much of my own stuff on the forum (we'll see), but I'm hoping to be around a little more. If I freak out and retreat again, I'm really sorry!