Jill...it seems like the schools are failing miserably in their responsibility to teach caring ethical ways of terminating even patients who are "difficult" or who stress the patience of the T. I was not hostile, or disrespectful ever to my T. I never called him a name, I tried never to criticize him directly. I just told him how some of what he was doing or has done made me feel. I never acted out in any way or threatened him or even behaved "crazy". He called the cops on me because I said nothing more that "I have pills at home". I was telling him that I never said I was going to end my life. I was more afraid of having them there I was not planning on going there to take them. I needed to get his attention so that we could go back inside and talk further about him leaving me in such an agitated state. I asked him for extra time and would pay him for it but he refused me. No one was there for him so it would have been easy to give me another 10 minutes to calm myself down. Then to promise me another session and later to cancel/terminate it and me via email?

Termination is supposed to keep the client's interests at heart to make a transition or to offer a session or series of sessions to address any hanging issues. I had NO idea I was being terminated. Over the past month he presented what was happening as... he suggests it would be in my best interest to find a trauma T but that he was not asking me to leave and he was still there for me. So that was not termination it was left to me to decide and I had decided to stay for the time being. Maybe I just needed more time to get used to the idea that he wanted me to leave. I was looking around for Ts and thinking it over but it takes some time for me to get to the point of leaving because it was so wrenching to leave my attachment figure who I needed and depended on to survive like a child would. It was like ripping my own heart out.

I hate that you and I are in this club Jill but even your smelly old T offered a termination session when you emailed her. And you had not logged over 300 hours of session time to allow her to know all of you like my T did. Not to minimize your suffering at all that is not what I mean to do but at least she came through with the session and she did not have such a deeply committed relationship with you at that point in time.

I emailed my T last night expressing my need for a termination session or a few transitional sessions but he has not replied to me. I don't know if he ever will.

TN

tn, i really think the only reason t3 gave me a termination meeting, is that i confronted her, via email, that that was unethical for her NOT to do. it was mearly an ass-covering type meeting, and all 'ease of transition' type stuff is still covering the arse.

your deal is unreal, tn. it just boggles my mind. and i believe you that you acted in a non-hostile way....i don't think many of us know how to 'do' hostile. we are so repressed from expressing anger.

i am so so sorry that your deal unwinded as it did. i am sure, if you put a request for a termination session in writing, he would have a hard time 'ethically' turning it down. but, does that make it a good thing?? i dunno. i would think, with your history, probably, but would you just be torn apart reliving his broken promises?? would he accept proper responsibility?? (i doubt it, i don't think they can without validating a law suit, or at least a mar with their board), so i don't know what good would come out of it.

i don't know where you live, usa, i suppose, but it seems these guys don't really think they operate in the real world, y'no?? where there are consequences for unethical, damaging, cruel behavior, especially in the mental health field?? are they missing brain parts, or what, i mean, we function in the real world, you buy a car and it blows up and there are consequences. you employ a surgeon and he cuts off the wrong arm and there are consequences. is this 'mental' field so intangible that there isn't 'proper protocol' for ending a professional relationship.

i don't know these answers, but they are what make me feel i need to take action once i am able. it may be like the hummingbird story, of a hummingbird that goes to a lake and gets a snoot full of water and flies over the forest fire and drops it, and keeps doing this over and over...another hummingbird asks "what are you doing, you can't possibly put out that fire" to which the first hummingbird replies that she is just doing 'what she can' to help.

i always find myself that pointless hummingbird...tolerating abuse from parents to make up for the fact that they have my schizophrenic sister, and how 'sad' it is for them to have a daughter turn out so badly, that i had to tolerate all their lackings to 'prove' that THEY were not the problem....

when am i going to learn. i always ALWAYS excuse anothers crappy treatment of me, so that it is not their fault....i am a blame-magnet!!

anyway, more ranting, but, TN, i agree wholeheartedly with everything you said...and we have to KNOW they have their own issues and agendas, and capacities. it is just going to take finding one to take me that next couple of steps up, and that may crater, and then i'll find another....a climbing up, one t at a time, kind of way.

FOT quote "I'm not angry at him - I'm angry at the profession - this profession above all should show understanding and compassion, but instead they want to act as if it doesn't happen and if it does, it's the patient's fault for not dealing with it."

FOT, yes, my sentiments exactly. i think i am going to be 'the hummmingbird'. y'no, it is one thing to just not have the knowledge to help advance a patient and refer that patient, in a nice transitionary way, to another t....but to just 'bow out' with nothing left? i think you deserve a full rebate and payment for damages. i really DO, that IS how the real world works!!!

jill

good points, as usual, uv. what i see too, as in their 'precaution to avoid a lawsuit' by continuing to treat a moderately complicated case by acknowledging the two way street in even a theraputic relationship, which will undoubtedly incur some mild 'errors' in their practice with the patient, the lack of admission not only betrays the inherent trust a patient should feel for the therapist, but hastens the possibility of their greatest fear...not, sadly, injuring their patient, but, the looming fear of a noticification to their board. it is as simple as the metaphor of the parent who cannot admit making a mistake = produces a fractured child. how much better would it be to say upfront, 'i may let you down at times in this therapy, but i want to USE that as an opportunity to build from and to learn about YOUR needs and what hurts you', and with the added bonus for them, they will be more in tune with their own practice of psychotherapy. i can now see that t3 couldn't handle facing her own errors and flaws, but had to cast them on me. kind of sad, in her field to not be more stable than that. she never once could take on an issue. she is a threat to her own industry. she is what makes other competent t's wary of really doing their job in helping a client. oh, uv, the anger i feel towards her. it needs an outlet. advise? what do you do with a professional that screws you....leave her out there potentially damaging others?? that doesn't sound right. five years to file, i must remember that. and get well in the meantime. f.

i guess it boils down to, it takes a pretty secure person to be a therapist, they need to be very sure footed, and NOT bring their own needs and issues to the table. something my t3 was not secure enough in, and chose to deflect ALL responsibility on her account onto ME.

the thing they fear the most, they hasten.

a sad state, but, especially in THEIR profession, a therapist's emotional stability is a 'given' that we pay GOOD MONEY to NOT have to deal with.

I just want to add here that I have forgiven my T numerous other times where he hurt or disappointed me. He HATED disappointing me and I would say that he is just human like the rest of us and I don't expect perfection. I was very forgiving of him on many levels. Once he told me that he didn't deserve to work with someone like me and that it was a privilege for him that I chose to work with him. And that I am so forgiving of his errors. I felt that each time we had a disruption when we worked it out our relationship just got stronger and deeper and we would usually go on to do some incredible work. I wanted to be my Ts greatest triumph, his greatest success and now I'm relegated to his biggest mistake.

I also want to add here that I have NO intentin of ever bringing charges against him or taking him to the Board of ethics. First, because I love him and would NEVER hurt him in any way no matter what he did/does to me. And also because he fully disclosed to me that he was not experienced in trauma/attachment and I told him it did not matter to me and that things I felt were moving along. He was not malicious in any way and always strived to take care of me best he could. Yes he has some issues of his own which is now preventing him from handling me.

There are a lot of Ts out there who are plain evil and abusive. I honestly cannot ever put my T in that category. He is a good man and I am grateful for the time we had together. It will always remain a very special time in my life.

TN