Dear members of Psyche Cafe,

I'm just writing this because I wanted to express my appreciation for each one of you here who has been so incredibly supportive and affirming of me over the past couple of years. I truly could not have survived what I went through with Guru T without all of you dear friends. I leaned very heavily on you during my painful psychotherapy experience with him, and I am very grateful for your shoulders which kept me up, so many days, from totally collapsing. You were my life support.

I'm also writing this because I find that I do not have a need to be here as much anymore. This is definitely *not* a goodbye. It's just an explanation of why I'm not really around as much. I used to spend so very much of my time here, more than anyone ever, I think- which became a source of huge embarrassment for me, often, but you never judged me. I was dying on the inside and I needed so much your care. You gave it unselfishly. Thank you for helping me, dear friends.

But...these days, I'm doing better. I'm functioning better than I have in a long while. It is still a struggle to get up every morning- but...I get up every morning. I don't drink my breakfast, lunch, and dinner anymore. I have some projects underway that interest me. Most of all- I am connecting better with my kids than I have in a long time, and they are happier than they have been in a long time. They are the reason I do not have as much time to be here anymore. I am not as afraid of being with them and caring for them as I used to be. I credit much of this improvement to a high dose of sertraline that I started after leaving my beloved T, and to having a counselor who doesn't scare the **** out of me, nor is he "everything" to me as my T is, and will probably always be.
Life is better. I am upright, at least! I find even some moments of enjoyment. It is nice to be somewhat living life, although so many of my primary struggles are not going away yet- at least I can move around and get a few things done. Leave the house. Make small decisions. I am so grateful for this newfound ability. I am actually doing some things, getting into my life a little bit! Am I still depressed- yes, but I am no longer just waiting to die as I was.

So I just wanted to thank you all for getting me through such a horribly difficult time and for giving my life some meaning and purpose whenever I saw some of the darkest places I've seen in a long time. The connection I felt from your replies sustained me through many a long night, and many a dark day, and for that I am deeply grateful to all of you.

I'll still be around here...frequently, but not obsessively, LOL!

hugs and kisses,

Blackbird