((((yaku)))) so glad you found us! and vice versa.

((((Yaku)))) LadyGrey said it so well. This forum does have a way of restoring your faith in humanity.

Thanks, LG and AG. Hope I able to return some of the care and acceptance I have received from this place. ((((HUGS)))

Sorry about the heartbreak. I am glad you have been able to find the same support and restoration here, though.

Hi Yaku... I feel very much as you do. I just cannot relate to women in positions of authority over me and I would think this comes from bad experiences with my mother. I have always had a ton of male friends growing up and would hang out with the guys all the time. I am very close with my brother-in-laws and genuinely like a lot of the guys in my office. The women? The ones in "authority" raise my hackles and I steer clear of them.

I also think that working for some horrible women bosses has not helped my opinion. They have always mistreated or disrespected me, a few abandoned me, some were very condescending.

This is why I cannot work with a female T. I really took a risk and tried with "D" who I saw after oldT abandoned me. She was the one he wanted me to see for "trauma work" and she threw me under the bus in our transition meeting just proving my point that women in authority are not to be trusted. You should have seen my face when I found out that my anethesiologist for my surgery was female. I basically interogated her then told her exactly what I expected her to do and told her I dont' trust women. She sent a male nurse to hang out with me before going under LOL.

So I do understand. But I seem to have no issues with women who are my friends and who I choose to hang out with, like here on the forum. It's a bit confusing at times why I feel this way.

Anyway, I'm so glad you feel comfortable here and have found some healing. We are happy you have joined us.

Hugs
TN

Yaku,

I have issues with women as well, but I am also very glad to have found this place and happy that you found it as well!

TN: I'm similar too. No issues with women that I've chose as friends and here on the forum and certain other females, but in general have women issues.

TN and STRM, thanks for sharing your experiences. I guess it's no surprise, really, that it would be common for many people on here to have this sort of issue. I remember when I first came here, I kept thinking, how the F--- are all these people working with female Ts? When T originally started telling H (who met with him for several months first) that I needed to see a T for last year's traumatic incident, he kept trying to refer me to a woman in the same office. I kept trying to explain to H that I could not work with a woman, especially an older woman who I would potentially see as an authority figure. I tried to call her anyway, on H's insistence, for prices. Her prices were too high (though only slightly higher than T's, who negotiated down for us). She said, "Oh, well, then you can see one of our students." I immediately wanted to yell at her about gouging people who need help. I have never wanted to do that with T, who is a guy. I have REAL issues around care being denied to me by my mother, as you all have probably read, so just her suggestion of me seeing one of their interns was heard by me as, "You're not worthy of my care or help. Even talking to you this few minutes, I'm ready to shove you off on someone who doesn't know what they're doing, rather than deal with you." From her reputation, she's actually a lovely woman. I immediately hung up and told H, "Yeah, I definitely CANNOT work with a woman." T had only met me a few times, but I guess, despite seeming like I had it all together, he could really see I needed help and knew that him reaching out through H was the only way I would consent. The story of how I ended up with my wonderful T...because of hating women. LOL.

DF - Yeah, some day I need to work through my issues. Just not quite there yet. I think the problem is I have mom issues and sister issues and bad teacher issues and bad boss issues. So, while I do have quite a few females I have connected with, they have pretty much always been women who are more like guys...I've always been a pretty big tomboy myself, playing sports, video games, etc. H says it's like having the best of both worlds.

STRM, "luckily" my daddy issues are all abandonment and rejection. My mommy issues are abuse (a lot of emotional, some physical), extreme neglect. So, it's easy for me to connect with older males, because all I'm looking for is a "better" version of my dad, who will connect with me emotionally and not leave me. Edit: for some reason, the negative actions of mom's boyfriends, the @hole who took advantage of me, etc., does not connect to T at all in my mind.

STRM, I am always surprised that you work with a female T, who you often say gets mixed up with your mom. I really admire you to be able to work through this. And yeah those non-gendered T's are really rare LOL.

What is sometimes confusing to me is that I have had abuse from both genders and yet still prefer to work with males. I tried to explore this issue with oldT but he was not helpful at all and we hit a dead end because he just kept saying that there was no reason to discount 50% of the population and I dug in my heels. When I first went to see my current T and told him a bit about me and my "stuff"... he said he could see right away that I need to work with a male T. Didn't know if that was somehow self-serving but whatever... it was what I wanted to do so I was okay with it.

Yaku... that was an interesting story of how you ended up with your wonderful T. It does make me believe that things happen for a reason.

TN

DF - Realized I had no answer. H has no problem with me working with a male T, but thinks I would get more learning to deal with women. I actually think T is more MY T now at this point. H only sees him every other week. He likes the guy, but doesn't have attachment issues, so he just sees it as a time to bounce things off of someone with wisdom to offer.

Had a hard session tonight. Actually saw the female T I would have met with on my way in tonight and immediately thought, "She knows I'm that crazy woman on the phone from nine months ago," and went and hid in the bathroom, LOL. I'm so ridiculous.

quote:

When I told my T about my issues with women she LAUGHED and told me... that must make my love life complicated. I was like yea... thanks captain-obvious McT!

LOL, thanks for the laugh. I really needed it. Since my trauma stuff has come up, I'm wishing I could connect with women more easily. If I'm honest with myself, I don't even want to be near any man that I see as even remotely capable of being attracted to me or think about being intimate with H, other than out of loving him. I guess it can't always be this way...