Well, thank-you very much Dude.

BTW, I meant to comment on a remark you made a while back that really made an impact on me. I rememeber you saying that some therapists believe insiders should not be allowed to speak. Because this area was new to me, I hadn't really formed an opinion on the subject.

So, your comment really hit me...especially given how I've gotten to know you (and Samy, Robin and Antoni). I just can't imagine having it so you couldn't speak...forcing you to be silent...not only inhumane but outrageous.

It would be like denying a part of you exists. How could that be helpful.

So, thanks for that,
Shrinklady

I think the idea is that since dissociating is a coping mechanism, and in DID it's bascially a coping mechanism out of control... encouraging the 'alters' (a term we hate) to speak essentially encourages the host (another yuck term) to continue to cope in unhealthy ways.

That's the idea of not allowing the alters to speak. However, we here obviously think the idea is bogus!

Antoni

Dude:

I am finding myself in a place of wonder??!!??
......Would handing an alcoholic a drink, or handing a drug addict some cocaine, or encouraging an anorexic to diet and/or exercise be the same as speaking to alters?? All of the aforementioned are unhealthy ways of coping with lifes traumas......I guess I come from the school of thought that you find bogus....

Sarah

"I am finding myself in a place of wonder??!!??
......Would handing an alcoholic a drink, or handing a drug addict some cocaine, or encouraging an anorexic to diet and/or exercise be the same as speaking to alters?? All of the aforementioned are unhealthy ways of coping with lifes traumas......I guess I come from the school of thought that you find bogus...."

Perhaps you are, Sarah! However, in that case, why are you even replying to me as I am,in fact, one of the alters? This means, YOU are speaking to an alter! Which, I suppose, would be encouraging the host to continue in her unhealthy coping mechanisms.

Perhaps you didn't know I was an alter though? In which case, how does anyone really know which personality is an alter and which is the host personality? And, then, how would you know when to reply or not to reply? It's not all as 'black and white' as it first appears is it?? Also, alters (like everyone in life) are not always honest... so they sometimes pretend to be the host personality when in fact they aren't.

There are many reasons for this pretend... and one big one, is that there are a lot of people in life who seem very uncomfortable when they find out they are talking to an alter and not the host. Therefore, it becomes safer for the alters to pretend to be the host.

Scott and Antoni

Why so much pretend? I am reminded of an old adage, "To thine own self be true"...are you aware of this one?? Are you willing to reveal who the silent/silenced physical being of your existance is? I would very much like to hear from her/him.....I believe that the road to her/his recovery/healing would begin with this first step....what do you think? I speak from my heart and a place of deep understanding with regards to my own personal journey of recovery/healing.....

Sarah

"Why so much pretend? I am reminded of an old adage, "To thine own self be true"...are you aware of this one?? Are you willing to reveal who the silent/silenced physical being of your existance is? I would very much like to hear from her/him.....I believe that the road to her/his recovery/healing would begin with this first step....what do you think? I speak from my heart and a place of deep understanding with regards to my own personal journey of recovery/healing....."

I don't understand! I thought you said 'talking with" the alters was not appropriate! Now you seem to be saying you want to hear from them!

"To thine self be true" means that there must be an acceptance, and that includes communication with, the insiders (alters).

I'm confused!

Scott

I am wondering if the physical being (host as you call it) is not ready or really wanting to travel the more difficult road to recovery/healing?? I know from experience that my recovery did not begin until I made the choice to begin it.....Choosing the road to recovery/healing means consciously "letting go" of the past traumas/experiences that we are holding onto....Does this make sense? When I finally "let go" of the unhealthy coping mechanism that hindered (not helped) me cope with life, it was then that I felt a freedom I had never quite experienced before....a freedom!!!!!

Sarah

The road to healing is long and complicated. Especially for a DID system like ours. I feel like you are judging whether or not our main person is in recovery.

I'm afraid you are confusing a lot of us with your comments!
However, I'm sure clarity will come with communication.

I'm not certain you would really want to talk to the 'hidden/secret' ones! They are not always so nice, and I'm afriad your fragility to energies would be overwhelming.

Merry Christmas!

Antoni

I am not judging anyone.....just in a place of wonder that's all....It is my sense that you are not wanting to communicate with me...no worries, I won't respond to you any more.....And, yes indeed, I am a "fragile" being, but it is that quality that makes me the unique caring being that I am......And, thanks for the "Merry Christmas" wish, but I am Jewish, I don't celebrate Christmas....

All the best
Sarah

Happy Hanukah! I hope I spelled it right.

Robin and all

Hanukkah was earlier this December...but thanks....Eight days of presents/lights instead of one!!

Take care
Sarah

Interesting... I thought you were judging us and you weren't... and you thought we didn't want to communicate and that's not the case...

perhaps our system is also sensitive...

Scott

Interesting.......your sensitivity to my sensitivity is just so sensitive!!!!!!

Sarah

ROFL

HAHAHA

scott

ROFL??? What does that stand for???

Sarah

That stand for 'rolling on the floor laughing'...(ROFL)

Scott

Most therapeutic those rolling on the floor types of laughter don't you think?

Sarah

perhaps therapeutic, yet I'm still perplexed by your earlier comments.

antoni

Firstly, I am not sure which earlier comments you are referring to....and secondly, why are you still "perplexed"?

An inquiring Sarah

I"m referring to you firstly saying you didn't think talking to alters was a good idea, and then saying youw anted to talk to the 'hidden insider'. These comments seem to contradict one another so I'm perplexed.

Antoni

If you are perplexed, I am confused...."hidden insider"? I believe that I was referring to the physical being/body......How could the physical being who is experienced or seen by others in the real world, externally, be a hidden insider???? The physical being cannot be the insider, in fact, he or she is the is the original source/body/mind/soul who created all of the insiders!! Yes?? No??

From confusion headquarters
Sarah

I think I mis-understood what you were saying. The host (creator, body owner whatever) is NOT hidden or secretive in the least. She just doesn't care to post here. However, we do have some 'hiddeninsiders' who are also not willing to talk here... I thought that was what you were refering to. However, you DID say you were NOT wiling or wanting to talk to insider/alters... which is actually what you ARE doing.

Scott

So, the physical body is a "she"......who in essence is the creator of all of the "insiders", hidden and revealed, as a way of coping with the trauma/traumas that "she" has experienced in her life....I suspect that the "she" might possibly have control, if she so chose, to speak/write (be heard) here on the forum....what could "she" possibly have to lose? Perhaps "she" even has something to gain???

From inquisitive headquarters
Sarah

I suppose what I have to 'lose' is the following:
1. people suggesting that i've not begun my healing
2. people suggesting it's not ok for the insiders to speak

Why do you write she in quotation marks?

M

Hi M

I am honored to hear from you.....I send healing thoughts your way......I put she in quotation marks to emphasize the existance/essence of you.....

Sarah

Actually, "she" was being sarcastic!

Robin

Hi M:

I was wondering if speaking to the insiders is a way of enabling the coping mechanism?

S

The insiders are as much a part of me as, say, my right hand is. I'm not sure what you mean by 'enabling the coping mechanism' but it doesn't sound like a very positive thing! I am enabling their and my healing by speaking to them, listening to them, accepting them, and loving them. Part of the healing work is to hear their and my memories, ALL the memories... and work them through.
M

M:

I have been enlightened...thank you

S