oh no, jones..you missed your first session..that s***
So sorry Jones. It must be so so ennoying and i get why you might be angry at yourself for this, too. It can happen to anyone though, and please dont let this riun to much for you. You can have another session tomorrow, right?
The whole thing sounds exactly like one of my nightmares. I once lost my session too, because i took the wrong train. I hated myself then, i was SO dissapointed over me and my messy head. It never happened to me before, its not *me* at all, so in my case i think i was really just too stressed and therefore unfocused. I dont know of why you mixed up the times and figured it out wrong, but i dont think its unusual at all, when one are so focused on make it in time etc, + and being super stressed, the brain tends to make those short-blocks (uhm, its a norwegain expression about this phenomena, i dont know how to transelate it though! But at least yeah- its a very known phenomena!). Well, and since you`were probably very stressed about the work needed to be done, and have been waiting for this session for 3 months, - its was clearly alot of emotions connnected to this session and preassaure, that might have caused that time mix up. But jones, - its gonna be ok again, i am sure your new T will understand and maybe even help you figuring out why you missed this time (*if* there is any other reason you missed it, like if it was something you unconsioulsy did, mixed up the time, so because you didnt want to go? Well, thats not a guess, only one of the possible reasons btw.)

Good luck tomorrow Jones!(i assume you said yes to the session?) I look forwared to hear how it goes! Please, dont be to harsh on yourself now, we all do those mistakes from time to time. And your was even fully understandable with all the stressfull cirkomstances.

Oh Jones, I'm really sorry you missed your appointment that you have been waiting so long for and worked so hard to get.
It sounds like you have had alot to contend with over the last week so its totally understandable that you could get the times mixed up. I know how deflating it can be when you have looked forward to something for so long only for it not to happen.

I'm really glad that you are able to go tomorrow and I hope you can have a nice relaxing evening beforehand.

quote:

I hate this kind of crap. I want to just stop it, but I don't know how.

(((Jones))) I hope now your workload has eased up that things will get better for you.

Butterfly

I did that two weeks ago and apparently it is normal when we are under extreme emotional stress. sigh. but I am so glad they fitted you in tomorrow.

(((Jones))))
That is the pits, you are so lucky to get another appointment tomorrow.
Pan

jones, so sorry. bummer, major bummer!

i know when i am functioning way below par, i have to write out an index card for the day. and i am a stay at home mom, not a heavy schedule. but i have to write, carpool at 3:30, and circle 2:45 to leave to get there in time. and blot out till 4 so i don't get jammed. and then i see have have 4 to 5 to daydream, or what ever i do that just fades away. and circle 5:30 to start dinner. and just plan it all out. i have a pill box like an old lady with four slots per day so i remember to take my pills.

but, that 'leaving time' is so important to plan ahead of time, not just circle 4pm on your calendar, but to circle 2:30 to leave by and blot out the hour 90 minutes. i know it sounds simple, but, when our minds are so full of ruminating or whatever, 4pm, just seems like 4pm.

hope it goes better this time!! the emotional stress surely is understandable to the t. apologize, but let it go, ok??? jill

Thanks guys. I'm so bummed. I gotta try to sleep better tonight but I do feel nervous about this appointment. It's good they could fit me in. But I almost don't want to go because I just feel like the chances are small that he's someone I can fit with and really get something from - and it's going to take me a few sessions to figure out if he is someone like that or not - so it doesn't feel like the end of waiting, it just feels like the beginning of more wondering, fretting. Fourth therapist in a couple of years... I guess part of me is just going 'oh god, not all this again....'. I'm okay without it, just greedy to be a better person than I am, and who knows if that is really possible.

Roll on tomorrow....

Jones, I'm so sorry to hear about what happened but these things happen to even the most organized among us. It's so hard when our minds are distracted and overwhelmed. I have been struggling with the ability to focus, remember and organize since oldT abandoned me.

Please try to keep an open mind about seeing the new T (and I apologize I didn't realize you had gotten an appointment with him). I do kinda know how you feel ... sorta like oh damn I have to go through this again? I have to start over, give them the spiel (history) and I don't even know if I like them or if this will work out!! I did it five times before I found newT who IS working out despite my resolve to NOT like him because he is not oldT! In fact, I was pretty angry at him for the first two months because I had to sit and talk to him and I wanted to talk to oldT. Well, I'm starting to think that just maybe... just maybe he could be the better T (LOL... yeah I'm stubborn ). It's not the same connection but it's okay enough that I can give it time. With the other Ts I saw I knew there was no match pretty much after two sessions and only after one session with the first guy (the no phone no email guy).

I know how hard this is but try to keep an open mind and tell yourself you don't have to decide anything for at least two months (6-8 sessions). Good luck and please let us know how it all goes. I will be thinking of you.

Hugs
TN

i am crossing my fingers that this T is a good match for you, jones. And i think your initiativ to see another T again is worthy an applaud, btw! "greedy to be a better person" was a striking way to put it! I wish you all the best and good luck with tomorrows session, and hopefully a good nights sleeep. Let us know how it goes?

Hi Jones,

Sorry you missed your appointment but glad to hear that they were able to get another set up. Hope your appointment goes well and you like the new T.

I will be thinking of you, take care!
((((((Hugs))))))

Oh jones...that is really tough for you. But I think is a sign that you are under pressure, so please don't be too hard on yourself, it was an unintentional slip that if it had been any other appointment you might have passed off as simple error. Because it matters and you care so much it will feel so much worse. I really hope that tomorrow's appointment works out for you well.

Hugs Jones

starfish

Aww, you guys.... you are all awesome and your messages have helped to take the edge off my nerves about this. Thank you for your support.

((((((Froggie, Butterfly, Sadly, Pandora, Dragglefly, TN, PF, DF, Marsh, BG, Starfishy))))))

I'm heading in for the appointment shortly. DON'T EXPECT A BIG UPDATE BECAUSE THIS IS NOT A BIG DEAL AND I PROBABLY WON'T EVEN BE ABLE TO TELL IF HE'S OK OR NOT, OK?

love yous,

Jones

Thinking of you ((Jones)) - everything crossed!
Morgs

Weeeelll, I went. I got there on time.

He was really, really nice. His office is nice, unlike the others in the practice - it's a corner office with windows out onto some garden area.

We covered a lot of ground. He asked lots of questions but he was really gentle as well as direct and just felt really calm. He didn't shy away from stuff at all, as in asked me what made me want to leave my last T, asked me about my dad and whether I missed him, and my stepdad and whether my experiences had sensitised me to all men or just angry people, and whether I had wanted to work with him because he was a man or if it was particularly him, and how I was feeling here and now and so on. Gulp.

I had said I didn't feel like I could get past the surface with last T and he said 'well, let's not do that'. And I guess we didn't.

There was some confusion over what I want. His idea of the arrangement was that I would see him temporarily and keep seeing last T for creative stuff or go back to her or something. I explained that I didn't feel like she and I were a good fit even on creative stuff and that as long as it was working between him and I after a few sessions I'd like to keep working with him. Stressful. I have one more session with last T, so I guess I've got to try to make it clearer with her.

But I really liked her the first session I had her too, so who knows how this will work out.

Anyway, he seemed intelligent and really alert, seemed to understand everything I said, he asked good questions and he managed the hour really well. But who knows...

So there's the NO-BIG-DEAL update - couldn't hold out on my psychcafe homies! Thanks Morgs, & DF - I hope your insane lust for detail is satiated. Just kidding, it's really nice to share. Thanks for being here, y'all.

((((((more hugs))))))

Jones

Glad you had a good first session Jones and you were able to tell him what you wanted.

Butterfly

yey- jones, i loved that update! Of course nobody expects you to have fully figured out who this man is after only one session.. i understand that you`re having normally dobuts about him, since you dont know him yet, but i am so so glad you seem to at least have a really good first impression of this T. First impressions are imortant indicators IMO. I am really liking the sound of him, (calm, gentle and direct- that 3 good signs!). Cheer cheer Jones!!

Thanks guys, DF, PF, BF & Froggy - you all rule. DF, you're the sweetest thing. I care about you too.

I'm having a bit of whiplash now, I feel really exhausted. Trying to prepare to go away on holiday tomorrow and I feel really tweaked. I guess I really had to hold off thinking about that appointment because I didn't want to enter into all this roller-coaster stuff and now here it comes. I've been cycling through everything that was said and just, I don't know, *reacting*. Sadness, shock at having showed that much, paranoid thoughts, fantasies about the future, hope and longing. Ugh. I really dislike it because it feels so mechanical - nothing to do with this actual other human being, just the preprogrammed reaction in me. And as we proceed I'm probably going to continue to be at the mercy of that for a while, until I can find my feet. Whose dumb idea was a new male T, anyway?

Next appointment with him will be mid-January, so I guess I just gotta let things settle inside and forget about it again till then.

love all,
Jones

Hey Jones
Whiplash, now that is a good word for it!
Especially with the stressful run up to it with missing your appointment etc. This is where you really need to be firm with yourself and trust your first impression. The old habits that are coming up now causing doubt and uncertainty are the guys you are in therapy trying to get rid of. Remember, they are how you don't want to be, just look at the title of this thread.

So my suggestion is that when you pack LEAVE THEM AT HOME! I mean really who needs doubt and second guessing on holiday.

Any way i hope you have a good and well deserved break, and maybe now is a good time to go back and read your post from straight after the session...

Love Pandora

Jones I have been waiting for this post! I am so glad that things went well with new male T. I think your recent doubts and fears are just normal and what we do to ourselves when meeting a new T and opening up a bit.

But I do like the sound of him. I think he asked very insightful questions that show his knowledge and understanding of what you need and what is important in therapy. I also like that he does not shy away from (avoid) the touchy or difficult stuff. It's hard enough trying to talk about the really difficult stuff without having to drag your T along with you because they are resisting. I had to do that with oldT, along with explaining WHY this was important to me...newT just knows why... no explanation needed. I think I can see this in your new T.

I also love the sound of his office. That is so important to me. To be in surroundings that feel good and comforting. I loved oldTs office so much. It was so peaceful and serene and homey. I've seen some awful offices in my search and newT has a nice corner office but it's pretty pedestrian, nothing really special except the nice cozy chair I now sit in.

And so... I would say things look promising with this new T. For now you just need to go on your holiday trip and have fun, relax and leave the worries behind you. I am so glad he was able to give you another appointment and that it went so well. Thanks for filling us in.

Happy travels,
TN

Oh I have to tell you one more thing! My first T in this practice, who left, used to have a big photo print on her wall that I really liked, because it was of a very special spiritual place that I happened to visit while I was seeing her. I visited this place and it really deeply touched me - to do with male and female energies together in the symbolism. But I didn't know what the photo was of until I came back from that trip and saw it again and recognised where I had just been. We only talked about it a little bit but she knew I liked it. Anyway, what should be on the wall of this new guy, but my old T's picture, which she obviously gave to him. I know she took it herself, so it's nice to feel like she's there too a little bit.

I think I will call him Manatee.

((((Pan)))) Thank you for being so reassuring. I am packing at the moment and every time I notice those doubts slipping in I am slipping them out again. Seriously - it is a really good reminder to just let it go while I'm away.

TN thank you for this post which reminded me of the picture thing! I really have been feeling the dragging thing *a lot* with my last T, Art-T - like she doesn't intuitively know where the emphasis is for me or where to go from here. So far this feels different, but I know I need to just keep cool and not get too invested until I know more. ((((((TN))))))

Ok, really, I'm going!!!

love,
Jones

Hi Jones...thanks so much for giving us the update!

quote:

Originally posted by Deepfried:
Meeting a new T is totally a big deal BUT OKAY I WILL NOT GET MY HOPES UP for a big update!

Thanks for speaking up, Deepfried...I was thinking it too!!

quote:

Originally posted by Jones:
I hope your insane lust for detail is satiated.

Yes, it is now. I was really glad to hear he seems so tuned in to you, at least as much as can be expected in the first session. And I am also one where atmosphere is *really* important. Loved the feeling I got reading about the corner office and the window overlooking the garden. And I love how the photo print on his wall gives you a bit of a connection to your first T.

quote:

I think I will call him Manatee.

Is this a play on the fact that he's a "man" and a "T" ("man-a-T")?

Also have to agree with Pan...I very much hope you can shut out the "internal saboteur" and have a lovely holiday. Look forward to hearing from you when you get back.

Hug,
SG

Hi Jones,
Glad to hear that the first appointment went well, although I certainly understand your caution about waiting to see where it goes. But I can see where the picture would feel like a really good omen. Hope you're enjoying your holiday!

AG

Jones,

I'm glad your appointment went well. I'm sorry to hear about the mix-up the day before. It happens, especially under stress! I hope you are enjoying your holiday and that your next session in January goes well.