CD... I thought it was interesting. I'm staring at that Wall of Grief but I'm not going near it... at least for now.

I think some of what they talk about resonates with what my T is trying to teach me and how he is working with me. But it's not easy as I go along kicking and screaming. I know he is trying to teach me to have compassion for myself but it's hard to change a lifetime of thinking.

Thanks for sharing
TN

indeed,it's not easy at all, as i go kicking and screaming along with you. i'm always grasping at kernels, though. they add up, you know?

Absolutely they do CD. Even if you are not always aware of it. I am always telling my T that I cannot do this and he smiles and tells me "but you already are doing it, you just don't realize it". It's those kernels.

Hugs
TN

yeah. baby steps. to most people they are overlooked, but it's the baby steps we need to acknowledge ... none of us is going to rebuild Rome in a day, you know!?! we need to learn to integrate what we learn in therapy into our "real" lives. ..therapy? it's an arena ... and if anybody is struggling with that thought, i am right along there with you ....maybe we can struggle together ....

CD,
Thanks for posting that, I really needed to read that right now. I am in the midst of a difficult situation in which I truly need to contain my own reactivity and shame in order to hear and empathized with someone else. I am actively trying to move from the Circle of Egocentrism into the circle of Compassion. Reading this helped me identify a lot of my defenses. It is slow, painful work but what was laid out in this article very much lined up with my experience so far.

I found especially moving the part about the therapist modeling the behavior. I have intrinsically learned a lot of my newer, more healthy behavior from watching how my therapist treats me. The part about respect especially resonated with me (as I think victim is the role I identify with the strongest, although I recognize myself in all three). My T refuses to rescue me, about which I can get quite angry at times, but it is also oddly reassuring. This was just really timely for me, thank you again.

AG

PS All that said, it was pretty painful reading at points. I am not so far along that some of it didn't sting. Working on that self-empathy. Oh and that wall of grief? Feels like it's six foot thick steel and hurts like a b**** when you run into it.

That totally explains my T's treatment of me. I can see what she is doing now. I don't know if that is good or bad. I obviously have a long way to go. Self Compassion is a pipe dream at this moment. She was trying to convince me that I am important enough to express my feelings in my relationships. I am so fearful of others reactions I constantly try to manage everyone elses feelings and only express positive feelings myself. AG I identify more with the recuer role given my position taking care of mom and cleaning up after brother. But I too can move into the Victim position.

Thanks for posting this CD.

Jillann