Sheychen I'm sorry I didn't see this post before. Probably because I was in the depths of hell over Thanksgiving triggers and oldT.

But I do want to say that I totally get how you feel. I am going through the same stuff. Monday at 1 and Thursday at 6 I am in pieces. The first 4 Monday's at 1 (when he got back from his long vacation) I would sob hysterically in my car. In my case, I can see his car from my office parking lot and I knew he was there and I can see other client's cars there too and I know he is there sitting with someone else that is not me. That he gave my time to someone else and that all these other people have access to him that is prohibited to me. I have been banished but all these other patients are welcomed into his office and to sit and share all kinds of stuff with him and he is empathic and kind and caring... but not to me. I am not allowed to benefit from that any longer. I wore out my welcome, I made him get rid of me, I was too much, too difficult too demanding too awful. And so I sit in the car and cry knowing that I have been the only one singled out and banished from his life. That is a hard truth to accept.

I don't know what to offer you as comfort. I still have those bad times. Last Monday I had an appointment with newT and it was not exactly the same time but close to it. I told him how hard it was. It didn't help to tell him but I was at least somewhat distracted. On another Monday I made an appointment to have my hair done but I have to pass his office (it's on a major road) to get to the salon and saw his car and another car belonging to a patient I knew by sight, another woman, and it just destroyed me to the point that I had to cancel my hair appointment. I was in such bad shape I could not make it there.

And so, I can tell you I understand just what happened to you. My only suggestion would be to "try" to distract yourself with something else and to talk to your new P or T about what happens.

Good luck,
TN

Sheychen... something I wanted to add...

This is what grief is and the loss is deeply felt when it comes from loss of an intimate soul-bearing relationship. My best guess is that we just have to grieve it and mourn the loss for as long as it takes. And it could take a very long time. For those of us with trauma backgrounds it strikes that much harder because of the abandonment issues. It rips off whatever healing has been attempted in this area and it forces us to re-experience the abandonment all over again. This is WAY worse than just having abandonment fears... it is an actual real abandonment and it is made worse by the fact that is it the therapist/counselor who is abandoning us and they are the ones who are supposed to NOT let this happen, to give us a new and healing experience and who KNOW our history and our fears and they just go ahead and do a reenactment of what happened to us as children.

It is the worst kind of abandonment. They say... trust us trust us and then when you finally make yourself vulnerable to do just that... they abandon you.

Truly, there should be a special place in hell for any T who does this to a patient.

TN

I agree, there should be a special realm in hell for those who open up your most vulnerable places, where you feel so little and needing and dependent and then they walk away. They feel fine. They leave you bleeding.
It is so cruel.
Thanks TN for being so understanding. I still think what your ex T did was abuse. He should be taken before a disciplinary tribunarel. Can't spell that.
One day fairly soon I shall go in and see my doctor and tell his exactly how he assisted in making a bad situation worse.
Grrrr.
but thanks for posting.