Hi Someone,

I understand exactly how you feel. My T told me last week that she is pregnant. I posted here a few weeks ago asking if people thought it was OK to ask her if she was going to have a 2nd baby. Well I did and she said sometime, but nothing was planned. She was then sick and cancelled the following weeks appointment and at the next a week later told me she is pregnant! She explained it is really early,but she felt she had to tell me immediatly after our previous conversation.

I sat in shock and cried for the rest of the sesssion.

I see her in a hospital clinic, but she has recently set up a private clinic. She suggested that I continue to see her in her private clinic while she is on maternity leave, which is 1 - 3 years here. She will see some clients privately when her husband is with the children.

I have been seeing her for 1 year now after my previous therapist left suddenly. We both feel that I have made progress with her and she says she wants to continue working with me.

I have calmed down now, but I am still anxious that something will go wrong and our plan will not work out!

I can't really say anything to help, except that I understand!



Starlight

Someone and Starlight - I'm so sorry for you both. I think it's horrible when we lose our t's. I don't think they truly understand how much it hurts.

((((SOMEONE))))

I'm so sorry this has happened to you. I can only imagine how devastating it would feel. Not sure I would recommend driving over to her house, though, unless she knew you were coming. Can you ask her via email first if that would be okay?

Thank you all for writing and sharing your empathy. I hope things work out ok for you Starlight.

Liese - I'll think about emailing or texting to ask, but I'm pretty sure she would say it wouldn't be ok. Maybe I'd be surprised though. I guess it would be pretty awkward for me to just show up, but then what do I really have left to lose now?

(((someone)))

I am so sorry that your T has suggested that you see someone else. I can hear how much pain you are in. Can you email and ask if you can have some sessions while you look for another T to discuss how you feel about the work you have done together, her, and how her decision effects you.

I think what you have to lose by going to her house without warning is the tone and associations of your relationship with her. It may not make any difference to her choice which isn't about you at all and is instead about her own feelings about her family and work balance (and I know how painful it is). Turning up at someone's house when they don't want me there would be painful for me and them. I wouldn't want to hurt my T like that or to remember our last meeting to be an ambush where she may or may not be capable of meeting you therapeutically. Please try emailing and calling and asking if you can have a session to talk to her.

thinking of you and hoping it gets easier ...eventually

thanks incognito, I have been seeing a male T while she was gone, which is what she's suggesting now. I was planning on still seeing the male T for now, but still wanting to visit with her at least a time or two now that she's back. I haven't told her I've been seeing someone else because then I feel like she would care less about me, and just wipe her hands of me and be done. I wrote in a text that I feel like there's so much we're not getting across to each other. I'd really like for her to talk to me in person at least once more to try and feel some resolve and assurance with our relationship. Although, I don't really want to pay to hear her tell me she's done with me...

I guess you're right about going to her house. She would probably be upset and wouldn't respond well which would just make it harder for me.

You'll probably all frown upon me asking this, but I will anyways with the 2 yrs clients and therapists need to wait from working together, does that time reset if we send an email or text during that time?

What do you think I should tell her in my email?

Should I tell her of the pain and hurt and betrayal I feel?

Edit: Or should I try and get them across in a more peaceful way? Which would help me to feel more of her caring?

Do you think it would be helpful or more hurtful to see her one last time?

Hey someone,

If I were you I'd try to get in at least one last session if I could. It sounds like you have a lot of feelings (understandably so!) swirling around this issue of losing your T, and it would probably be clarifying and help towards resolution to talk with her some about it. A scheduled session will give you a better opportunity and setting for that than an ambush of her house.

I'm not sure about how emails play into the two year rule, not being up on all the technicalities of that myself. Someone else here may know, though, and I hope you get an answer. I don't think anyone will frown on you for asking.

Starlight-- I remember that thread of yours, and wow, I can't believe your T is pregnant again so soon after that! Really weird the way that happens sometimes, almost like you sensed it was coming. I often think there is something a little uncanny about pregnancy. . .

sorry for the slight thread hijack.

Oh Someone that is so painful to hear – and I’m sorry your T has pulled the rug like that especially when you’ve waited three months to see her again .

It’s good you already have another T to be seeing, that was a wise move on your part even though you didn’t know your original T would decide not to come back to work. Hedge betting pays off in the long run .

Have you decided whether to see her one last time? And if so, is she agreeable to that? I do hope you can get some sort of closure – even though you haven’t seen her for three months already, it’s still an abandonment of a sort isn’t it?

Sending good wishes your way (((((((( Someone )))))))



Also don’t want to do a thread hijack but Starlight wow I remember your other thread where you feared your T might be pregnant and she denied it and now suddenly here she is not only pregnant but cancelling appointments all over the place! Glad to hear though that she seems willing to keep you on as a client regardless, though yet again you have maternity leave to contend with and I totally get how anxious you must be feeling about it all. ((((((( Starlight )))))))


LL

Thanks Lamplighter - I haven't decided yet whether to see her a last time and I haven't asked her if she'd be ok with that. I probably need to decide that this week. I'm seeing my new T tomorrow, so I'm sure we'll have a long talk about it all.

I'm just feeling very shocked, confused, and hurt by it all. I wish she would have talked with me about it first. She wrote that she wants to see me again, but it will be best if it is not until I have received help from someone else. It seems that she still wants to hear updates on how I'm doing. So I'm not sure where our relationship is at.

I have been getting help from my new T, but if I tell her about that I think she'd wash her hands and be done with me completely.

Yes, it is an abandonment. She emailed me just 3 weeks before that she was coming back, and I could call and setup an appointment, and now this...

Hi Someone,
Sorry to hear you are still unsure what is happening.Sounds like your T is feeling a bit guilty about her change of mind and concerned about how she has affected you.
I hope my situation will not end up the same, but I don't think so.

LL. Yes it was a bit of a shock. She is very early in the pregnancy and actually was not yet pregnant when I asked. In fact she has not told anyone else yet, even her work collegues and boss. She just said she had to tell me, as she knew it would ruin our relationship if she told me later. She knows I can count!
She is now working 50% hours in a government hospital after returning from maternity leave a year ago.I currently pay nothing for my therapy. The difference will be is that when she goes on maternity leave I can continue to see her in her private practice, but I will have to pay.
I could also change to another therapist in the hospital and continue with free therapy.But I have made a lot of progress in the year I have been seeing her and do not want to change. My worry is that my husband will not understand this and will not want us to spend the money on therapy where there is a free alternative. I have not discussed it with him yet.

Someone- Sorry to say so much about my issue, but there are two of us dealing with the same issue and maybe it is something others will have to face. It helps me to talk here and think about the options.
Good luck to you!

Starlight