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3 replies

The need for reasurence in all of life

D dmMember
I have reached a point in my life where I just don't want to be like this anymore I'm sevierly incicure in all aspects of my life some times I don't even want to leave the house because I'm uncomfortable in my own skin I don't like how I look body wise I work out like no body's business but yet it's not good enough so I stop eating I enduce vomiting at the least twice a day if I eat I hate the feeling of being full....however I seek out attention from men I crave being wanted and desired and told I'm beautiful I'm in a committed relationship however he works out of town for 6 weeks at a time and is home 1week then gone again he is aware of this as I don't hide anything from him I'm tired if hurting him I would never cheat on him I used to have facebook but I closed my account because of my behavior I don't realize I'm doing it tell I have done it I need to stop this and I want to know why I do it this is an addiction I thrive off it it makes me feel good I don't go out with my friends anymore because now that my husband is out of town when I drink it's way worse I throw myself at men it's rediculus I hate it I always feel like the worst person in the world after but I can't stop all I can do is exclude myself from life i dont talk to my friends of go out anymore and I only do what I have to do in everyday life to prevent the behavior.... I also have a 10 year old autistic child whom I absolutely adore and love with all my heart I have dedicated my life to learning how to help him and because my husband works out of town he makes more money so I was able to quit my job to go back to school to be
a behavior consultant so I can help other people I'm not finished school as of yet but I will in 3 years I don't know I just feel so lost and overwhelmed right now I'm alone sometimes I can't sleep at night because of guilt thinking how I could do more for my son and i wish I could be a better person I want perfection in all aspects of my life I want to do great at
everything not just ok why aim I like this?????? I just want to be normal I dint want to obsess over my weight my life trying to be perfect I have lost myself I use to be fun energetic now I'm drained and dried up from trying so hard I need to just accept and go with the flow but I can't I want better I could go on forever but I think this is good enough for now some one please help !!!! I'm drowning!!!
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forgetmenotforgetmenotMember
Hi DM. Firstly, welcome to the forum. Were all understanding people here so please come on here and chat to us if and when you feel you need to.

To me all attention seeking is is to do with low self worth and so you go out and seek it in being validated by men and action. I have known people, including myself, who have used attention seeking to fill a void inside oneself.

Do you go to see a therapist? It will definitely do you good to speak to someone about it and explain the whole course of how you've gone from energetic to drained. It could be a lot of things going on there.

It's good though that you are facing how you feel. A lot of people don't do that and continue on habits that arn't good for them emotionally. But (and I know it's hard) don't feel over guilty for what you do. You're human. You have needs and it sounds like, perhaps, you're needs arn't being met the way you need them to be.

I know what it feels like to feel very insecure about yourself and feel like your the last person on earth people would think about. One swoop of a magical wand and I wish it would go away for you because it's a pervasive thought.

If you go to therapy, talk to your therapist about all this. Smiler It will be a journey to get back to how you were, but during the journey you will find out a lot more valuable attributes about yourself and slowly change for the better.

I guess it might help to remember that perfection doesn't really exist. Lets say you reach perfection, what next? We always want more, and should stop and think about what we have. It's hard of course, when we live in a world that spells out perfection in ads and media. The perfect look. The perfect career. The perfect way of behaving. The perfect house and children. The perfect style of life.

Keep strong DM. ((hugs))) You'll be okay. Smiler xx
D dmMember
Forgetmenot,

Thank you for responding to me sorry if it was a little all over the place I was in the moment and just needed to let it go

I currently do not have a therapist I keep putting it off because at times I feel I can handle it then BAM! it all hits me again I feel with age I'm getting weaker emotionally and I'am not able to handle life however I'am now in the process of getting one

I was brought up to be strong and show no weakness and all that crap! well let me tell you after years and years of pretending nothing bothers you one day it all blows up and you crumble I have gone from being I don't give a crap nothing phases me to everything makes me mad to crying over the stupidest things


DM
forgetmenotforgetmenotMember
DM: Ah! Thats exactly how I was. I should have gone to therapy a long time ago but my moods would change. If I was upset, I'd say 'Okay, okay, I'll consider therapy' but then when my mood got better, I was convinced that I was fine and therapy was not needed.

It's difficult because those better moods are very influential I found.

Glad that you are on your way to finding one Smiler And good luck! Smiler The best thing I done was start therapy. It's started to make things an awful lot clearer.

I'm sorry your feeling what you do. I empathize so much with that need for contentment and it just doesn't come easy. In time though. Smiler ((hugs))

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