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the official "3 positive things" thread :)

J janedoeMember
this is a thread to post 1, 2, 3 or many positive things, successes, achievements, progress steps you make. It can include ANYTHING - getting out of bed, to facing a fear, to something in T, to something outside of T. IT can be big or small.

i am starting this with some hesitation, but feeling like i have a need to do it for myself for ahwile. i'm in a very bad place. I told my T about this idea (that I got from several people here) and she was thrilled about it and asked me to do it and share it with someone for awhile. (she only vaguely knows about this forum, and never check or looks for it) i feel awkward, but im gonna give it a go anyhow.

please join me (if it would help you).

this thread is just to share and encourage oursleves to keep sharing - not just to share but to acknowledge to ourselves the good things (even in the midst of tough times - maybe especially then) and remind oursleves to celebrate the successes in life. and not let the voices that tear us down win. not all the time at least.

you can post something that was good this day, this week, this year, anytime in this life - and can post one thing or many.
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J janedoeMember
ok, i'm gonna start:

- i made it to today after a very awful night, and i got out of bed and showered
- found a creative solution for a logistical problem in getting to the doctor and to my t
- i ate a healthy dinner

(yeah, maybe these seem very "small" but where i am at right now they are important, and anything positive i can try and/or do is really really big for me right now)
yakusokuyakusokuMember
So proud of you, Jane. I would have considered #1 by itself to be an amazing accomplishment, considering everything.

1. I have been sharing my dissociation experiences on here and despite having an irrational conviction that everyone here hates me, thinks I'm lying, overreacting, etc., I have managed to keep sharing and not delete it. I am choosing to believe in all of your care.

2. I got out of the house with Boo, even if only for a brief time, despite being in such a disoriented place.

3. I am "Kiddo." I need my T and his care. I am receiving it. I don't hate myself for it. This is something slow that has been developing (and hopefully will continue), but today, even though I am feeling so disconnected from T, I know we are still connected and that he cares deeply for me (as he has shown). I accept our connection, even though it hurts. I am learning to know that it is a tender, lovely feeling and the pain I'm in is just the emptiness and deprivation of my past which is highlighted by T's steady contrast of those old messages.
scaredtoriskmyselfscaredtoriskmyselfCo-moderator
Jane: I think just #1 is reason to celebrate after the time you've had!

Yaku: All good things on your list as well!

LG: All great accomplishments on your list.

Me:

1) I had a great session with T today in which I was able (or the adults) were able to stay present and we didn't dissociate.

2) I ate a healthy lunch

3) I acknowledged the progress that I've made in the past two years with my T as today was our two year anniversary. Even though I'm not where I want to be, I've made some really great progress.
jonesjonesMember
I love this thread. Hooray to all those wonderful achievements. Jane, so glad you made it through a rough night ((((JD)))) LG, filing taxes is a MAJOR!! Wow. Yaku, I'm loving that you are letting your feelings be without judging the connection. And STRM, great big congratulations on your anniversary!

Mine:
1) I organized drinks after work to celebrate a success, and went and had fun even though I was having big doubts about it.

2) When someone asked me about third-hand stories they'd heard about how I felt about them (yikes!!), I stood my ground and said exactly what was true for me, even though it wasn't what they'd been told, and it wasn't what they wanted to hear.

3) I asked my H again about planning a holiday - without being snarky about it, and we agreed to do it together today.

xxxJones
yakusokuyakusokuMember
Jones - #2 sounds like it would have been really hard for me to do! Glad you'll have a break with H. That's a big deal. Smiler

Hev - I always feel better when I manage to get housework and errands done...but don't tell my H, because when I was really depressed a couple of weeks ago, he insisted that he was only yelling at me to do them "for my own good," so I could stop being depressed. Wink I don't want to encourage that.
yakusokuyakusokuMember
Today was a HEAVY day, but some good work.

1. Spent hours and a lot of effort getting my H on the same page as me today, able to kind of accept my feelings (especially paternal transference stuff about T). I managed to be humble and admit where I was making mistakes/misinterpretations, but without allowing H's judgment to overrule and invalidate my own thoughts and feelings.

2. Avoided some very bad behaviors and prayed/talked my way through three intense periods today (two involving a variety of unhealthy urges which I won't specify here for triggers, another involving very disorienting dissociation and memories surfacing).

3. I cleaned the living room, did the laundry and worked on potty training with Boo today.
scaredtoriskmyselfscaredtoriskmyselfCo-moderator
Jones: All good things!! Hope you settle on a place for a holiday.

Yaku: Good job!! Sounds like you made some real strides today.

Hev: Your list sounds very productive. Good for you!

DF: #1, hope you feel better soon! #2, I totally get this and loved it. I am like that with music as well. #3, LOL, you tell that vacuum!!

Me for today:

1) I'm cleaning up the house and my body today, ridding the things we don't need both in terms of stuff and food

2) It is sunny and nice today and I am going to go for a walk with my husband

3) I'm making plans for this week that are positive. I think I'm going to take myself to see Born to Be Wild at the Imax....alone! Smiler
J janedoeMember
i love reading everyone's posts here. yay to you all! i feel inspired by you all.

i had a rough day yesterday and couldn't think of anything good. this afternoon, i'm fighting a lot of self hate so i've been trying to think of 3 things - and actually came up with a couple for today:

- when I felt really overwhelmed i started a movie and did some organizing of paperwork while the movie played. i didn't finish the paperwork or the movie, but i got a bit done and i'm actually looking forward to doing more of it later

- i actually asked for help from a neighbor to carry something (and they helped too)

- i ate a good breakfast and lunch

jd

p.s. strm - how fun to make plans to go see a imax movie! i think i might steal that idea Smiler
yakusokuyakusokuMember
Well, turns out one of my things was not a success (H saw our conversation as me pissing him off and then making it better again, but still not seeing things any differently or understanding each other any better, which is OK, but disappointing). So, my new one is:

-Sang my heart out at Easter choir practice, even though I'm still feeling yucky and out of it.
J janedoeMember
hey, that's great that you sang your heart out inspite of things.

i'm sorry your h didn't take it all well and you two are not on the same page. that has to be painful, especially how hard you tried.

i still do think your part in it was a success. that's the only part you can control. while the conversation didn't lead to the results you wanted, you still had a really tough conversation and you worked so hard. for that, you deserved many kudos.
and at least for awhile you felt this: "I managed to be humble and admit where I was making mistakes/misinterpretations, but without allowing H's judgment to overrule and invalidate my own thoughts and feelings." hey. that is a major success in my book. even if it was temporary, and even if your h and you are not on the same page, you still worked at it... (((yaku)))
yakusokuyakusokuMember
Thanks, Jane. It wasn't a total failure. You're right. I just want to be able to keep him up-to-date on everything that is happening inside of me as I'm in therapy and the messages I'm getting from him are either: "That's wrong, don't feel/think that way anymore," or "OK, I don't understand that, and thus do not care enough to discuss it with you." Criticism/rejection or ambivalence/neglect. Maybe I did marry a nicer version of my mom...

Nah, love my H just how he is. And he loves me. And that's what counts. Right? Right! OK, done being whiny about it now!!! Big Grin
rubyrubyMember
You guys really inspire me! Smiler

1. This weekend I participated in the race (with obstacles) called the Warrior Dash. I honestly didn't think I could do it, but I did...I finished and it was an amazing feeling to know that I overcame my fear of heights on a the 20ft rope wall.

2. I've been getting lots of praise at work lately. I'm proud because I'm actually letting it soak in instead of listening to my own inner critic.

3. I'm starting to make weekend plans again!
yakusokuyakusokuMember
Focusing on family this time.

1. Took Boo out and went shopping today, even though I was sick, so H could sleep a bit after going into work at midnight to work with people in France.

2. Went on a walk last night with H and Boo around our neighborhood and hunted for the moon, which is her latest obsession.

3. Plan on dropping H off at his session at 4:00 pm, doing some more shopping/errands while he's there, then getting dinner as a family (my aunt might come too). Then, back home to put Boo to bed and back to T for MY session.

Really doing a good job of making my family a priority today, so I'm proud of that, for sure!
J janedoeMember
ruby - i've been thinking of doing the warrior dash in my area this year myself. that is so cool you did it and way to face your fear of heights! yay for weekend plans and letting good things sink in!

yaku - aw, that is so sweet to go looking for the moon with boo. Smiler

pf - yay!!! you got it done!!!

df - sorry today is really rough. yet, you love your kitten, new cat and dog. you care for them. and you are caring in general. not a small thing. hope you care for you today. hope things get easier.


me - well, i woke up in tears today, but i got some work done, i showed up for therapy, i told her i am scared, i stayed present in spite of myself. i didn't most of what i so wanted to say. but i did let the pain come and stayed with it and with my t.
J janedoeMember
today;
1.) spent time with friends even though I was nervous and sad
2.) did some house cleaning (more to do still)
3.) distracted from anxiety and fears that I can't do anything about today, and planned my week ahead.

and hopefully going keep doing some more cleaning (one way to get out some nervous energy and do some much needed work) and then sleep well tonight...

and will wake up to a new day tomorrow...
yakusokuyakusokuMember
1. Sang in the choir yesterday. Had a coughing attack during one song, because I am sick, but didn't beat myself up for "ruining everything," or feel as horribly embarrassed as I might have in the past (serious performance fears).

2. I accepted some compliments on my (Friday night) drumming without deflecting them with my own disappointment. The pianist asked if I wanted to join in their rock cover band when they start getting it together again...so I guess they really thought I did a lot better than I felt.

3. I am sick today and my H took the day off sick to take care of Boo for me. I apologized for not being up for taking care of her and the house (which was me setting a boundary, like "I will not be cleaning or doing any major childcare stuff today."). And H said, "Just focus on getting better!" Big Grin
yakusokuyakusokuMember
Let's see:

1. Got a fair amount of chores done yesterday, considering I had a morning phone session, while still managing to write a journal entry, take care of Boo and spend time with H in the evening.

2. Stood up for myself and threw up very strong boundaries with T when I didn't want to talk about stuff and thought he was being callous about the pain from my H's condition. Doing so made me feel safe to really get into attachment/connection/boundaries conversation I've been dancing around with him.

3. H is being left out of a family thing this morning. I had to remind him I was going and he lashed out at me, but I didn't internalize the attack! I just thought, "Oh, well, he's hurting." I basically just told him, "Hey, not my fault." Still feel bad, because it's a bad situation to be trapped in...but not responsible.
marshmarshMember
Hi,
This sounds like a great idea! All of you have a long headstart on me but you all are doing fantastic! Keep up the good work!
OK here goes,
1)Got up early and showered & dressed.

2)Made A country breakfast for my DH & myself, then cleaned up the kitchen (although I will be making a mess in there later on) Roll Eyes.

3) I am baking today,6 loaves of Honey Wheat Bread, 4 loaves of SourDough and 4 loaves of Rye bread.

That should keep me busy all day. Eeker

Later this evening My Grandson is coming over for me to babysit and stay overnight with us. So we are renting some movies for him. He will be 5 yrs old in late July.
marshmarshMember
DF,

Sounds like you have a good plan for today. enjoy yourself!

Sure, IT's ok to come eat bread, there is always plenty, and it does give the house a great aroma. Even after my daughter and my T and my Dh's 3 buddies gets their bread for the UFC fights tonite on pay per view, I will still have 2 wheat, 1 rye and 1 sourdough to share. Big Grin
J janedoeMember
good plan DF! hope the day goes well!

Marsh - wow, I can smell the bread baking from here! I love sourdough... yum!

Three positive things for me today:
1.) I talked with my T
2.) I did some cleaning (better than nothing right?) Roll Eyes
3.) when I had a panic attack (a new thing for me) and when it brought on dark thoughts I was able to think out other things and put in another load of laundry, even while still slightly breathing fast.
yakusokuyakusokuMember
1. Went to the doctor and got my triggering appointment out of the way. Talked to doctor about how hard it was and covered all the topics I went in there to cover. Did not do any destructive behaviors, despite motive and opportunity. Reached out for support here and from H, T, friends instead.

And...I think #1 is enough for the whole day if that's all I can manage.
J janedoeMember
I actually started a huge project that I have been dreading and putting off. I worked on it for 2 hour on it, and I'm feeling better that I finally got it started.

I had an ok day at work - well, I survived it. I got to laugh with someone and faced a mistake I made without huge internal verbal self abuse.

I did not cancel my appointments with my T even though I really wanted to.

Now I'm off to try and put in another hour or so on this project...
yakusokuyakusokuMember
I took Boo on an hour bike ride yesterday (sure, it wasn't today).

I cleaned the house for two hours in the morning and straightened up after the hurricane that is two toddlers and an infant three other times.

I didn't cancel tomorrow's phone session with T, despite feeling an almost unconquerable imperative to run away from him for fear of feeling distant from him and being detached from my inner process to the point of having pretty much nothing to say to him...
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