Today I'm starting a no contact for a week goal. Really needing to distance myself and cut the cord, I guess just to know what it might feel like down the road when we terminate. I dunno. I need to know that I am strong enough to get through it.
quote:maybe you should make a pro and con list of what was good about it and what wasn't.
I like that idea. I haven't committed to not contacting again since then. So, I guess I will commit to not contacting him until Tuesday, when I will have to confirm whether or not we are still on for an appointment or if he is too sick...stupid transference. I wish transference were a physical entity so I could beat it with a stick!
quote:I wish transference were a physical entity so I could beat it with a stick!
maybe you should get a pillow and name it transference and beat it with a stick. I am sorta thinking I want to give that a shot!
oo, can I jump on the transference-beating bandwagon! *thwack* thwack* - nope, it's not working.
ah, good idea LG, the list- here it is:
pros of no contact:not having to humiliate myself and risk the Wrath of T..
cons of no contact: drying up like a raisin which may not be an entirely bad thing- idk.
ah, good idea LG, the list- here it is:
pros of no contact:not having to humiliate myself and risk the Wrath of T..
cons of no contact: drying up like a raisin which may not be an entirely bad thing- idk.
quote:Originally posted by blackbird:
oo, can I jump on the transference-beating bandwagon! *thwack* thwack* - nope, it's not working.
ah, good idea LG, the list- here it is:
pros of no contact:not having to humiliate myself and risk the Wrath of T..
cons of no contact: drying up like a raisin which may not be an entirely bad thing- idk.
Hmm, I dunno BB. You worded that "Pro" in kinda a negative way!
How about Pro: Gained self-confidence from realizing that I am capable of nurturing myself and can stay connected to people even when we are not in contact daily.
quote:How about Pro: Gained self-confidence from realizing that I am capable of nurturing myself and can stay connected to people even when we are not in contact daily.
Ha- thanks LG- but what if that's not true? Can I still use it?
My husband just angrily confronted me this morning about the fact that I have been "dysfuntional" since our first marital session with my T, and that menas we should cancel our upcoming session tomorrow. I am very confused.
quote:How about Pro: Gained self-confidence from realizing that I am capable of nurturing myself and can stay connected to people even when we are not in contact daily.
Well said, LG! That's exactly how I feel when I just need reassurance but then I'm able to work though it on my own. And then I'm also very proud of myself because I used to not be able to do that, or have any clue where to even start. It feels great!
I broke my own no texting rule and i sent him a quick text half way though my vacation asking if he was still breathing, and he was very nice and said yes and thanked me for asking, and also said a couple other nice things. But now its back to no-txting for me!
Mac
quote:My husband just angrily confronted me this morning about the fact that I have been "dysfuntional" since our first marital session with my T, and that menas we should cancel our upcoming session tomorrow. I am very confused.
Does that mean you can just take that time slot for an individual session instead?I'm finding it so hard to not text T today. I am really struggling (with my usual stuff) and just want to touch base. But he's sick and if I'm not going to get to see him for two weeks straight, texting him all the time is going to make me crazy. I have a lot on my plate right now, and I'm kind of freaking out over whether or not I can handle it...I want some reassurance, but I know he can't really give me what I need to feel reassured.
um, yeah..I pretty much SUCK at this thread and my stupid ass goals to not text or email!!! I'm hopeless.
((((LG)))) I, for one, don't think you suck. And the thread is encouraging me that others can do it, even if I can't seem to give it up. Today is so bad I almost want to call (which I have never, ever done). But he is sick and I would feel so guilty. Plus, my older sister is coming back (we had a night off from her staying here) and once she is here, it will be back to dissociating/repressing/stuffing in order to appear normal and support her with what she's going through. Jeez, I think when you go into therapy, they should give you a separate daily session that is just you going into a room and being alone and working through your feelings without others making it impossible to even exist within yourself.
LG- Nope- you definitely don't suck. Go easy. You meet some goals others we can't don't, so just try again maybe at a later date when feeling stronger, if it still seems like a good idea. For now, just do what you need to do to stay safe and feel reasonably ok.
Yaku- if I was a mature and rational person, I would probably jump at the chance, let my H bow out before we've even begun let's find cheapo counselor for marital therapy who will bandaid us, and go back to individual sessions with my T. However, I am not a rational person, I guess. Which just proves to me that there must be other reasons besides just believing that my T is the best marital counselor for us- why I am cutting off the individual sessions and using this marital therapy as the "perfect excuse." hmm. Why would I do that to myself I wonder...weird.
Yaku- if I was a mature and rational person, I would probably jump at the chance, let my H bow out before we've even begun let's find cheapo counselor for marital therapy who will bandaid us, and go back to individual sessions with my T. However, I am not a rational person, I guess. Which just proves to me that there must be other reasons besides just believing that my T is the best marital counselor for us- why I am cutting off the individual sessions and using this marital therapy as the "perfect excuse." hmm. Why would I do that to myself I wonder...weird.
The connection (transference) stuff is scaring the living daylights out of you, maybe? I have an excuse every other day for why it would be better for others if I quit therapy or found a new T...but I know the truth is that trusting him and connecting and growing close to someone whose job is to go away from me eventually scares me to death!!!
UPDATE: Made it through the first wave of, "I must make contact with T and make sure he exists and is there for me or I will die!!!" And managed to not do any of the very stupid things that kept nagging me, though a few "impulsive" mistakes that I will tell him about in person, so I can avoid texting him now.
UPDATE: Made it through the first wave of, "I must make contact with T and make sure he exists and is there for me or I will die!!!" And managed to not do any of the very stupid things that kept nagging me, though a few "impulsive" mistakes that I will tell him about in person, so I can avoid texting him now.
I had therapy with T1 today and I talk to her again on Wednesday so I would REALLY like to not text her between now and then. It's only like 41 hours away at this point. Surely I can make it that long?!!
I see T tomorrow night, 26.25 hours to go...and I am not sure I can even make it that long...but I will try!
DF,
I can understand how making a statement that you aren't going to contact T before session could cause anxiety and feel as though you no longer have that option. Its important that we all do whatever works best for ourselves. For some, that may mean keeping the option available to them. For me, I need to have a goal that feels realistic and tangible. I need to feel that I am reaching beyond my comfort zone, but in the back of my mind, I do know that the option for contact is always there. Even though I am striving for more independence, I know that should I need it, contact is available to me.
I can understand how making a statement that you aren't going to contact T before session could cause anxiety and feel as though you no longer have that option. Its important that we all do whatever works best for ourselves. For some, that may mean keeping the option available to them. For me, I need to have a goal that feels realistic and tangible. I need to feel that I am reaching beyond my comfort zone, but in the back of my mind, I do know that the option for contact is always there. Even though I am striving for more independence, I know that should I need it, contact is available to me.
I want to text T so badly right now and just tell him how scared I am about our session tonight. I'm afraid that him "slowing" me down will mean we don't connect tonight...that it will be an intellectual exercise or a sermon. And I am dreading sitting across that table from him. I hate the way it divides us and I hate the way I want to break it (it's glass) when I'm feeling upset. And, mostly, I am scared to death of the crash that is going to come when he says it's time to wrap up. And he will, as always, ask me if I am OK. And NO, I'm not OK, but it's not like I can camp out here with you all night, I have to go home eventually, so why should I waste your time trying to make me OK with having to wait another week to feel this safety and connection!!! ARRRRRGGGGHHHHHHH. That is what I want to text him right now. Sorry, I know this isn't really the thread for this.