Sorry I post so much, I am still trying to make sense of the last sessions and the following black hole.

Last session started "normally", it was about SI, not my favourite topic, but I can deal with it. Then, I knew I had to talk about the One True Trigger (OTT), which has been acting up lately, and I felt it was pointless to pretend I am doing therapy if I ignore the issue n°1.

So I tried. And then, I got lost. I don't exactly know what happened. Suddenly I was entirely in my head, it felt dark, as if I was hiding to not see the scary things outside. I was looking at the rug. The pattern of the rug. THE PATTERN OF THE RUG. All I could feel was fear, and if you focus hard enough on not feeling, not hearing and trying to understand the pattern of the rug, scary things won't hurt you. I "think" that T was still here, at one moment she said she was still there, but it felt as if it was coming from another universe, and I could not go back there, everything was scary. I think this lasted some time. And I do not know what I said or did not say (which is... frustrating to say the least, since I really would like to know what I said about OTT, since it is a sensitive topic).

Then I was feeling the outside again, and we were talking about practical stuff, linked with the OTT. I just have this scary black moment in the middle, and every time I try to remember it I get stuck in the pattern of the rug again and in the feeling of fear which "shuts me off" to the outside world.

Any... insight on that and how to deal with it/remember the scary part?

Thank you for reading.