Hi Amazon

I was wondering whether you ever finished Clarkson's book and what you thought of it. I've been wanting to read it but it's a bit expensive. My T has recommended to me as she knows I'm reading around the psychotherapy subject (I needed to be persuaded to buy into the idea). I'm counter-dependent, apparently and I was/am also concerned about the whole idea of maternal (and, God forbid, erotic) transference with her. However, even though she's works psychodynamically (amongst other ways) she doesn't seem to consider it essential to the whole process. Perhaps she's deliberately down-playing it in my case? Anyway, apparently this book talks about 5 kinds of therapeutic relationship and I was wondering if it made sense to you?

Out of interest, does anyone else have counter-dependency issues or am I the only one here?

Magpie

Hi Magpie! I haven't read the book, but I do have a question about your other question: I've never heard of counter-dependency, but I've heard of co-dependency. Is it the same thing? As in being emotionally dependent on someone who is addicted to something?

SG

Hi Strummergirl
Thanks for asking. Actually, I'm still learning about it myself and there doesn't seem that much written about it either. I've only found one book "The Flight from Intimacy" to really discuss it in any detail. I've yet to read it but the authors have some videos on YouTube. It's kind of a flipside to codependency born out of similar childhood history of unmet needs, abandonment issues, low self-esteem.
I don't claim to be an expert but there seems to be a spectrum of behaviors that fall under its banner. Thankfully, I don't suffer from all of them. Often fiercely independent, intimacy issues are a problem, both wanting but rejecting the opportunity for it at the same time. Classic approach-avoidance cycle behavior, commitment phobics. Counterdependents don't seem to be good at handling authority either, with a tendency to be rebellious. It's been suggested that overt narcissists are counterdependent, dreading their own weakness but trying to project success. self-sufficiency, superiority.
For me, it grew as a reaction to feeling unwanted, trapped and controlled as a child. No way, will I EVER let myself be in that weak, vulnerable, subservient position again. So I have a 'I'll show you I can do it without you and that I don't need you' thought process. Unfortunately, that stops me from trusting, risking being 'real' and having genuine normal relationships. The trouble is, under certain circumstances or certain relationships, I can also flip back to co-dependency and the two hate each other. That too is common with counterdependents. Learning to trust my T is a real challenge as I have to let my hypervigilent, untrusting guard down and risk being vulnerable (Argh!).

I feel kind of anxious even just writing this down to you. I've said too much.

Magpie

Welcome back Magpie,
I was also wondering what counter-dependancy is. Thanks for explaining and sharing it.
As for the book, I read most of it. I kind of ticked off and understood most of the facets of relationship and got stuck in transpersonal relationship. It's very abstract, there seem to ba a lot of philosophy and I can't really relate to this part. I'll get back to this part some other time.


Still when it comes to understanding what this relationship is for and about, sometimes I feel it all adds up, it makes sense. But then I feel lost again. I don't understand this relationship. I don't know what it is supposed to be about, where is it going to take me, what will happend what it is supposed to be like...

quote:

Originally posted by Strummergirl:
Hi Magpie! I haven't read the book, but I do have a question about your other question: I've never heard of counter-dependency, but I've heard of co-dependency. Is it the same thing? As in being emotionally dependent on someone who is addicted to something?

SG

Hi this is what i have heard about but at the same time it needs to be understood the difference between counter-dependency and co-dependency. As I have seen many people who are very much emotionally dependable on people and they got hurt easily.

Thanks

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