Thanks so much SP and Draggers,

SP: Yeah - knowing I'm on a count-down is quite limiting. You are right, I'm not fully engaged - at first in therapy I was quite emotional and open, but now I find that knowing I have no support afterwards and have a long drive back limits where I go during sessions. It will end before I start...

However, that I posted here, on the day I usually go... means it is\was on my mind.

Hi Draggers. Yes - uk. My previous T allowed contact between sessions, but this set-up is extremely boundaried. If I need to cancel a session I should contact the organisation - not the therapist. If I wasn't to go back I have no address to post the resources to - I'd have to send them to head-office for them to send to the T.


I've just started a new job. They agreed hours and at the last minuite changed their minds... so my time will be eaten up with working. I have no idea even how I will practically be able to reach this therapist I can't see a way of this working. I guess I feel I must switch off so I dont get hurt?

I dont feel it's a bad fit - but I do think the therapy framework is problematic for me. She is pretty good, the situation isn't. My previous T I was attached to... but I found very very triggering - but was that just because I was attached? I stopped going for many reasons and I still miss her 18mths later.

I dont know Feel confused and tired.

sb

I know it's hard to know what to do, but it sounds like you're "working through" this conundrum. That's a good thing, no matter what your final decision is.

I turns out I might care more than I knew...

I was up half the night crying - not on the surface about my T, but about other losses and abandonments. Some were definitely triggered by stuff at work, but the therapist being away and always unavailable was in the mix

It's so hard to track what you feel when you are dissociative. I'm literally 'in bits' and they hide...

Thanks RT - as you say, working through it (on my own if this forum wasn't around) is the important bit.

sb

I know what it's like to go to a clinic or organization instead of a private T's office. There's no direct contact with T, appointments are set by a scheduler who fits you in where they can, even weeks apart. No emailing or calls.
I so much feel for you, SB. Time away from T is so triggering and painful. Of course, some of this grieving is necessary for therapy, but it just gets to be too much and over-the-top. Maybe talking to some other T temporarily would take the edge off, even tho no one can take the place of the T that you need most. Could you possibly get with your former T that you still care about? Or even just talk to her temporarily? I know it's touchy when you change from one therapist to another. Just an idea.

Thanks skylynx

I've got too many things on right now to cope with therapy to be honest. I've started a new job and I have a major exam that I want to do well in at the beginning of June. So, in some ways it's good that T is away? Except it also isn't

I've just got to get through the next 3-4 weeks and then I will think about what to do longer term.

Thanks all for listening

sb

Thanks SP

Hope things are going ok for you too and you are coping ok.

sb