Oh- lizzygirl dont be so harsh on yourself. I understand why you feel this way- but you`re NOT stupid! Ok? I tend to be over-sensitive when my T texts me- even just for changin a session time or so, i really realte to your feelings. Havin the session cancelled is hard and its easy to feel abondoned by it, i know.

I get why you said no to your T as well- and perhaps your T also understands that you said no couse you felt so emabaressed and shamefull(?)for both email him and for expressing a need. But-hey- its great you did! I guess you`re in a self-punish state right now, (for expressing a need) but try think of this (email) as a step forwared in your healing. (Maybe your T sees it that way as well- obviously he responded "positive" on your mail- offering you a new session, right?)I`m sorry you feel this way now, and believe me- i relate to this. But hang in there- it will pass. And i hope you will manage to talk to your T about this when you meet again. I think undoubtly this might be a core issue? Let us know how you cope if you want to.
All the best-

Lizzygirl,
Don't feel like a jerk. It was brave of you to express how you were feeling. And I've certainly had those feelings even with a small reschedule. The first time I ever expressed anger at my T was over a cancellation.

And I have a little story, I'm hoping might make you feel better. Or at least not alone.

My husband and I had a couples' appt scheduled for a Wednesday night (and I had already re-scheduled a badly needed hair cut to accomodate it) and I had an individual appt the following Tuesday morning. On Tuesday morning my husband had told me that he was going to have to work late on Thursday so I should feel free to go alone if I wanted to. Since getting through the time between appts was always excruiating, I jumped on the chance.

Tuesday afternoon, my T called me at the office to ask if he could move the appt from 5:30 on Wednesday to 5:30 on Thursday. Which of course directly cooresponded with my already re-scheduled appt. I explained that to my T and said I'd be fine, I'd just see him on Tuesday. He checked again and asked if I was sure I was ok (I had told him I had been planning on coming alone) and I very calmly assured him that I was fine (and meant it and believed it.) I hung up the telephone and burst out into tears. Seriously noisy sobbing. I was totally embarrassed but I actually managed to pick the phone back up and put in a call to my Ts answering service telling him that on second thought I did want the appt. And then I emailed him and explained how I had reacted when I got off the phone and that I wanted to come in. He called me back and left a voice mail that we were on.

I drove down to that appt feeling like the world's biggest idiot and that my T must think I was a total wingnut. But when I got there, he was so incredibly complimentary about how I had handled it. He said it showed how it was very difficult for me to recognize my own needs when I was around other people, but that it had been really courageous of me to call back and ask for the appt once I realized I needed. And he was even more impressed that I was really honest about what happened and didn't try to make it sound like something else. But the time he was done EVEN I was impressed with me. and it led to a really good open discussion of just how attached I was getting which really helped me understand how I was feeling and acting like I was.

It's ok for your therapist to know you're needy and you did a really good brave thing to call and let him know you were bothered.

AG

Hi lizzygirl,

First of all, having needs is not something to be ashamed of.

In society it’s such a shameful thing to be “needy”. For example no one wants a needy boyfriend/girlfriend, or even friend, but the therapeutic relationship is different than a relationship between a boyfriend & girlfriend or friend. A therapist job is to hear and recognize reasonable requests (like the one you made to him) and fulfill them.

It’s a mature thing to recognize and share your needs.

I am sure that your therapist didn’t think for a second that you were anywhere near being a jerk. I would imagine that he was happy that you showed bravery and maturity in stating your needs, and he responded to that by offering to fit you in.

-Mac

Well, I saw my T last night. He didn't say anything about me being needy, just that he thinks I acted like two people yesterday.
One that had a panic attack when he cancelled,
and the the one that called back to say I would be OK. I dont feel like I was two people,
the one that called back was still paniced, just didnt want to admit it and feel needy.
We didnt talk about it anymore.

I sent him another email today (I hope he isn't mad) in kind of a frantic state about something
that happended during our session.
Haven't heard from him and dont necessarily expect to. I dont want to abuse my email priviledges with him, but it's so hard to refrain sometimes isn't it?