Once I took a two week absence after my T's vacation. It ended up being four weeks off of therapy altogether. Then I started to want to go back and I did. It was nice to take a break, though. Therapy can be exhausting. I may take a break again here soon, in fact.

HIC: It is nice to have a break, most definitely. Maybe I am speaking a foreign language as it seems that the majority truly miss their therapist

Thanks for the reply. T.

hi TAS. i go to therapy every other week. yesterday was my first day back after a month. i have to say, i enjoyed the distance and i think sometimes it's good to take a break. like HIC said, therapy can be exhausting. but really what i think happened is that i was really being hard on myself between sessions. it was almost like between each session was a race against myself, and i had to make a ton of changes (stop drinking, lose weight, go to AA meetings, become confident, achieve a high self-esteem, etc.). i was setting myself up for failure by setting impossible goals. and then i'd beat myself up for not being perfect two weeks later when i went in for my next session. i needed that month off to realize what a bitch i was to myself and be a little more compassionate towards myself. i don't know if this pertains to you. i kind of doubt it. but that was my experience. it was just nice to feel like i wasn't under some microscope for a while. i'd encourage you to go back to at least tie up loose ends. maybe you're just trying to avoid looking at something. whatever you decide, good luck!

Thank you Closed Doors! I can relate about setting impossible goals, absolutely. Thank you for your encouragement. I appreciate it! I will be honest and say the text he sent me the other day was a little unsettling, and I do realize I could be taking it the wrong way. But, it did bother me that he sent me a text saying he was officially on vacation, when I had met with him earlier in the day, and he had already told me that. I felt like he was saying don't bother me...which I would want a vacation to be a vacation...time away. I have been respectful of boundaries, etc. but somehow, I keep messing up. It's just easier if there's distance and no closeness. Thanks again.

hi TAS,

i used to not miss my T when she or i went on holiday and normally our holidays coincided so it was good and simple and i enjoyed my holiday and the break from therapy. this was about 3-4 years ago. things slowly changed and i started to miss her or feel unsettled. now with my new therapist (well, not so new anymore, its about 1 year now), i feel so stupid and desperate for missing and needing her like a little girl....yuk.... so i'm not sure which is better... before it was more comfortable and less painful, but maybe more pain means healing now... i guess what i'm trying to say is that you are where you are at right now and thats ok, and you'll just take it as it comes and as it works for you at that moment.
i read one of your other posts i think where u said u keep quitting and he doesnt let you - i think you've got a great T! even though you might feel like he's a pain in the a^%$ too! i often feel like that about my T!

i hope u give yourself the freedom to quit and also not to quit, just to give yourself the choice, i also feel it helps me when i feel like i have a bit of control. i do hope you are able to stay in therapy tho as i think you can gain so much from it.

puppet

((((TAS))))))

I used to go every other week also and it didn't bother me if I didn't see my T for a month when he went on vacation. It can be nice to have a break. I put so much pressure on myself also in between sessions. It gets a bit much sometimes.

quote:

have been respectful of boundaries, etc. but somehow, I keep messing up. It's just easier if there's distance and no closeness.

I just want to tell you that when I ran into my T's boundaries in the past (which wasn't often because I pretty much stayed in the safety zone) it would feel like someone took a red hot poker and seared my skin. Now when I run into a boundary it doesn't hurt as much. It's really nice that things don't hurt as much as they used to. Sometimes I have needs that my T can't help me with. It helps a lot when he's accepting and empathic of those needs even if it's something he can't help me with. I think that's helped to take the sting out of running into those boundaries.

Therapy should be a place where we can test the other's boundaries. Everyone is going to have different boundaries IRL and we are going to run into them. It would be too much to expect anyone to be aware of other people's boundaries all the time before we run into them, except for the more common ones that most people have.

My guess is that there are a significant number of people out there who aren't assertive about their boundaries. When people run into them, they get defensive or go on the attack. The whole therapy process hopefully will help you to not take other people's stuff on and the closeness that hurts so much now won't hurt so much in the future.

one of the many things that make this forum such a blessing is you can "talk" to people that have similar experiences ... it can really take a load off and help you feel more "normal".

TAS, regarding the text thing, personally i think he could have done without sending that second text. it's not exactly giving you the benefit of the doubt. had you texted him afterwards, then i could see him reminding you that he's on vacation. it's easy for me to say, but i don't think you should take it personally. we all make bad calls, even Ts do. again, it's easy for me to say, but most definitely talk with him about it when you meet next. probably the hardest thing for me going to therapy is talking about "the" relationship (barf) because i still fight the attachment stuff. BUT that really is what therapy is about. it's the hardest damn work you'll ever do. but, i believe, so worth the effort.

quote:

It's just easier if there's distance and no closeness.

totally, totally agree. but i also think that hard work pays off. good luck, TAS. and enjoy YOUR vacation!

Thanks Liese! I always appreciate you sharing your experiences. It helps so much! I can never learn too much about boundaries.

Thank you T.

Thanks Closed Doors...I have been trying to think of a way to do this without the attachment and relationship...I don't see how it can work without those things...and yet these are the very things I am trying to avoid. And, I hate that he is zoned in enough to know that and calls me on it.

So I try to keep the wall - he is the one removing brick by brick. I am sure one day I will thank him for this. I don't see it happening any time soon...and I plan on enjoying my vacation

Thanks again!
T.

Puppet:

I'm sorry...I just now saw your reply. I didn't mean to ignore you Yes...he is a pain in the %$^^&&&%%$ (LOL) ... I keep trying to offer him an out and he keeps telling me that he is not going to take the out...pisses me off...

Hey, at least he is fighting for me when I can't seem to...or don't feel I am worth the fight...

Thanks for your insight...appreciate it T.